10 Ways To Tell If Your Relationship Is Actually Healthy
You're the happiest you've ever been.
Everything about your new relationship feels like a dream that you didn't see coming. In fact, it feels so, so perfect. Despite the overwhelming joy, a tiny part of you can't help but wonder if it's all sustainable... and that's OK.
Although you may feel happy in the moment, it's natural to wonder if all this time spent with your partner is healthy, durable, and ready for the long haul.
To help put you at ease, Elite Daily reached out to some relationship experts to pinpoint strong signs that your partnership is in good shape.
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, psychotherapist and founder of www.lovevictory.com, says it's important to remember that no specific list can absolutely guarantee the health of your relationship.
Instead, certain benchmarks, like the ones below, may help guide you on your romantic journey.
1. You Always Look Forward to Seeing Each Other
Even if my husband has just been gone for an hour to hit the gym, I am always excited when he comes home. In fact, I look forward to seeing him after any kind of small absence more than I look forward to anything else.
No matter the length of time we've been apart, it's exciting to reunite again.
This genuine feeling probably means you enjoy time spent with them and truly miss your partner when you're apart — a hallmark of a healthy relationship.
2. You're Good At Finding Solutions To Each Other's Problems
Dr. Wish says in a healthy relationship, the couple will be good at solving problems together.
This is indicative of the fact that the couple works as a team, without placing blame.
It's easy to get caught up in who-did-what and why-this-happened situations when you spend a lot of time with someone, but in a healthy relationship, both partners will resist the urge to get petty and will instead work together to find a solution.
3. You're Consistently Having Sex
Steady amounts of sex typically exist in a relationship, but many people underestimate the importance of sex as a barometer for the health of the relationship.
If your sex life is intense and consistently lively, it usually means other things are on the right track.
This doesn't mean that you need to be tearing each other's clothes off every minute (unless, you know, you want to), but it means that you're having just the right amount of sex for you as a happy couple.
4. You Like The Person You Are When Your Partner Is Around
If you feel like you are being your best self in your relationship, this points to an indication that the other person is quite a good fit for you.
Your partner has chosen to see beyond any "flaws," allowing you to feel better about yourself.
Fran Greene, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSWR) and dating coach, says acceptance is extremely important to ensure a healthy relationship.
"In order for a relationship to flourish, your partner must accept you totally and completely," says Greene. "Loving you even with your 'flaws and imperfections' is essential."
Relationships that devolve into a bunch of negative emotions within the partnership — whether it be disdain, anger, or jealousy —aren't good for the partnership and can lead to self-doubt about different aspects of your life.
In a healthy relationship, you'll be accepting of yourself and how you feel when around your significant other.
5. You Have Room To Do Things You Love Without Your Partner
In a healthy relationship, you'll each have individual hobbies and activities that you enjoy doing alone. It's important to stick with them and keep up with your own plans, without your partner around all the time.
James Preece, dating guru and relationship expert, says, "The happiest [couples] don't need to spend every second of every day together. They give each other room to breathe and to take part in hobbies and activities on their own."
Not everything will need to be done as a unit.
Preece adds,
It's the gaps between seeing them that give you both the chance to miss each other. That way you can talk about everything you've got up to and make plans to do the most exciting things together.
This is important not just for your own mental health, but also to help the relationship grow.
6. You Forgive Each Other Easily
In a healthy relationship, you and partner shouldn't hold grudges or continuously remind each other of old arguments.
Bringing up past fights and arguments just breeds ongoing resentment — a hallmark of a relationship likely to fall apart.
If you forgive easily and move on, you're likely in a healthy partnership.
7. You Are Each Other's Priority
If you're wondering if your relationship is healthy, think about how important your partner is in your life. Are you consistently putting them first? According to Preece, a couple that makes each other the highest priority is usually made to last.
"Try and give [the relationship] a score out of 10," Preece says. "If it's lower than an 8, then there's lots of room for improvement."
After assessing how you feel about whether you are a partner's priority, ask yourself where you stand in relation to their friends, family, pets, work, or ambitions.
"While life does get in the way, they should always make time for you and make sure you feel special," Preece says. "You just can't be second best to anything or anyone else."
8. You Never Talk Poorly About Each Other To Other People
Although it can feel like innocent venting, opening up your relationship problems to anyone but a therapist can be a sign of an unhealthy partnership.
Not only does this mean you may not be talking to your partner enough, it could also mean you are allowing the thoughts of other people to interfere.
Talking to your partner should always be what you want to do first. If you keep any problems between the two of you and work to fix them together, your relationship is likely on solid ground.
9. Communication Is Open And Honest
If you and your partner are consistently checking in with each other, asking how the day is going, this is a sign of a healthy partnership. Preece says "communication is the secret of a happy relationship."
Preece adds,
The more open you are about raising little issues or telling them how important they are to you, the better. If you try to bottle things up, then it leads to frustration and resentment.
Not only that, communication is important to help vocalize our thoughts and wishes in a clear manner.
Kate Moyle, psychosexual and relationship therapist, says, "Expressing our desires — whether in what we want in life, sex, relationships or our beliefs — means being vulnerable, as we are showing that person the real and authentic us."
Talking all the time in a relationship means you're less likely to keep things pent up. Fewer things pent up means fewer opportunities to explode in a fight over nothing.
10. You Truly Appreciate All That You Do For Each Other
In a healthy relationship, the two of you will treat each other with respect and kindness. There will be no name-calling or contempt to be found in your relationship.
Greene says appreciation is the biggest characteristic that can't be beat, as it is what allows growth between partners.
"It is essential that you feel a sense of appreciation from your partner," Greene says. "The more appreciated you feel, the more you will want to give to your partner."
It's all about the give and take.
Remember, there's no solidified list out there that'll tell you whether your own relationship is "perfect" or not.
If time spent with your partner consistently makes you happy, despite a few bumps in the road, chances are you're in a healthy relationship.
