Confessions Of A Slut: Proper Blowjob Etiquette

Confessions Of A Slut: Proper Blowjob Etiquette
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So my friends and I were talking this weekend about all of the things that guys do that piss us off. This conversation is pretty standard, as there’s always something some asshole did that makes us mad, but then we started talking about a subject that intrigued me: Giving head.

It’s an art form to be respected and men should be damn glad that us females will do it for them. That being said, I’d like to give the guys out there some tips so you don’t piss off your girl and end up getting “handies” for the next month.

1. Do: Hold my hair back

I think it’s so sexy when a guy holds my hair back and wants to see my face when I’m going down on him. It’s a major turn on for your lady friend and, quite frankly, you can’t see the stage if the curtain hasn’t been opened yet! Do your girl a favor and move her lovely locks out of her way, she’s got work to do.

Don’t: Mess up my hair

I was hooking up with this guy for a while who would start running his fingers through my hair, which was kind of nice, I didn’t hate it, but then shit got WEIRD. He started tousling my hair all over the places and massaging my head, like WTF are you doing? Not only was it creepy, but he completely ruined my hair for the day… no need to say he was cut from my list.

2. Do: Watch me

If a guy seems at all disinterested, the girl he’s with is going to feel vulnerable and inadequate. When a girl is feeling like this, there’s no way she’s going to put her all into pleasing you. A girl who wants to put your dick in her mouth deserves your full attention, so give the girl what she needs.

Don’t: Lock eyes for an extended period of time

It’s just weird. I mean, I don’t want anyone gazing deeply in my eyes for more than a minute, let alone if I’m in a compromising position with my face in your lap. This is more of a rule for girls seeing as I just told the boys to be watching your woman, so ladies, don’t be awkward and make sure you balance out looking in his eyes with slurping up his balls.

3. Do: Lay Back and Relax

Please, make yourself at home. Be comfortable. The purpose of a blowjob is for things to be all about the guy, so take the time to enjoy it. Boys seem to take it for granted that girls are willing to put their shlongs in their mouth. It’s not exactly on the top of every girl’s list so this girl deserves some gratitude. Make sure to be cordial and appreciative, but relish in the fact that this [hopefully not too] brief moment of time is all about you.

Don’t: Fall Asleep

I would hope this is common sense and I don’t even know if it’s physically possible for a guy to fall asleep while getting head, but I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that this has never happened in the history of man kind.

4. Do: Tell me what you want

If something doesn’t feel right or you want your girl to switch things up, TELL HER. We’re not mind readers and although I believe the key to a good blowjob is experimenting with different styles, some girls are probably boring and really bad at it. And, like any other skills, performing fellatio requires pointers along the road to success. So give her some grunts, moans, a sigh or two? Anything will do, we love it.

Don’t: Force my head down

This is my biggest pet peeve. I HATE when boys put their hand on the back of your head and force you down. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want so don’t try to push me while I have your most prized possession in between my teeth. It’s rude and unnecessary and nothing makes me want to stop giving a blowjob than when a guy does this.

5. Do: Give me a warning

No one wants a visitor that stops by unannounced. Sweet and simple. Tell her you’re close, give me a grunt, something, ANYTHING. We need to prepare ourselves. Thanks.

Don’t: Go Pompeii on my ass

Explode without warning, get it? ;)

Okay boys, start following these rules; I want to hear only good reports during sex talks with my friends! Hope these simple tips will help you all to keep fellatio fun and friendly. Until next time, Live it, Love it, Fuck it.

@slut_IT_up | Elite.
http://slutituppsu.tumblr.com/

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Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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