50 Things I Think About While Going Down On A Man
Let’s first look at the name: blowjob. Blowjob. No one wants to think of fellatio as a job you have to work at.
When men go down on women, it’s called eating out.
Who doesn’t love going out to eat, right? When you were a kid, going out to eat was such treat. No wonder men like going down on women so much — it’s just like another Pizza Hut to them.
Instead of calling blowjobs jobs, why don’t we call it something more exciting? Like Blow Happy Hour or Blow Brunch? Who doesn't love going to brunch? Every woman loves going to brunch!
“I'm about to go to brunch on this man.”
It already sounds so much more fun.
It's not that I don't like going down on a man; it can always be fun and sexy to turn someone on, and blowjobs are a big part of foreplay.
It’s just that sometimes, going down on a man can get very tedious and my ADD mind tends to wander.
Here are the 50 things that definitely go through my head while going down on a man:
1. Alright, I got this!
2. You're about to rock his world.
3. Breathe through your nose, idiot.
4. I hope my throat won’t hurt tomorrow.
5. Should I try butt stuff? Maybe he'll like it. No, Kristin! Don’t do it.
6. I will never understand this hand thing.
7. Is it supposed to be a lollipop or Popsicle stick?
8. If you touch my head one more time, I'm going to f*cking kill you.
9. Should I make eye contact?
10. Pretty sure it’s like a Popsicle.
11. Ugh, just cum already.
12. I have so much hair. I wish I had a hair tie.
13. Just maybe try butt stuff?
14. Make some noise, Kristin.
15. Well, that was weird.
16. Jesus, Kristin, be careful of teeth.
17. Do you think he felt that?
18. Just because you can deep throat doesn't mean that —
20. Ew, our parents totally used to give blowjobs.
21. Maybe they still do?
22. Ew, get that out of your mind.
23 Ah, so much hair.
24. Okay, here it goes. I'm going to try some butt —
25. NOPE, NOPE. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? GO BACK UP!
26. You can try to finger his butt, but you cant ask him to go on a date with you? What is wrong with you?
27. Oh God, why is this still happening to me ?
28. Aw, I can’t believe my cat Fluffy died. RIP.
29. Who was the first person to ever do this?
30. “Turn around, every now and then I get a little bit… Total eclipse of the heart…”
31. I think I have to pee.
32. Oh, right. My hand.
33. He's making weird noises, so this can't suck.
34. It probably sucks.
35. Haha, sucks.
36. Okay, I'm over this.
37. He better go down on me this long.
38. I wish I had a dick.
39. When can women stop giving blowjobs?
40. “Turn around, bright eyes. Every now and then I fall apart…”
41. I wonder if he is in love with me yet?
42. I better be getting breakfast in the morning.
43. Look who’s ready to cum!
44. YES! Bring it on!
45. Where is it?
46. Oh God. It's happening.
47. Just smile.
48. Good job, sport.
46. Well, now that that’s over, my turn!
50. Oh, now he's tired? Loser.