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17 Pieces Of Advice From People Who've Gotten Out Of Toxic Relationships

When you're stuck in a sh*tty relationship, it's hard to know what to do.

You love this person. You've invested so much time in this person. But ultimately, the relationship is leaving you with more misery than joy, and you know you have to end it.

Finding the strength to do so, however, can be tough.

What has to happen for you to finally be pushed over the edge? What insult, teardown or mind f*ck does this person have to throw at you for you to find it in you to tell him to go away forever?

Or is your heart so wrapped up in the fantasy of the person you know he's capable of being that you simply can't fathom EVER giving up, no matter how poorly he treats you?

When it comes to matters of the heart and soul, there's no easy answer. Recently, I talked to some people about their worst, most toxic relationships ever and the moment they knew they had to get out of it.

They have some advice for you.

Know your worth.

Please, get out. Know your worth. You are amazing, and he is a sac of hairy, smelly balls. Someone better is out there. Please, just don't do this to yourself.

–Marie, 22

Your mental health is more important than trying to fix his.

–Kelli, 22

LIFE IS SHORT. Seriously. We all have the feeling sometimes that we don't want to hurt anyone, and we can stick it out. Maybe things will change. But if it's in your heart that something is not going to work out, don't waste your time, and don't waste your partner's. It might be hard, but staying in a terrible relationship is not doing either of you any favors.

–Christiana*, 23


It's not worth it.

Consistent sex is never worth the stress. Girls will always be there, and just as easily as you convinced yourself that you cannot live without your partner, you can just as easily get comfortable with being single.

Also people tend not to change, so if you like dealing with the bullsh*t, then don't lie to yourself and call your relationship terrible because you secretly like arguing and all that. Also, if you're going to break up, do it in person or over a call. Texting is for soft ass dudes.

–Farmsworth*, 24

That no relationship is worth that kind of trauma. You need to value yourself enough to know you deserve more. Someone who really loves you doesn't want to hurt you.

–Gina*, 25

Get out of it now. It might be the harder short-term decision to make, but you'll be saving yourself a lot of misery in the long-term. The sooner you end it, the sooner you can start getting over it… and the closer you are to a better life.

–Lucky*, 25


People don't change.

It's really, really rare for someone to be able to change dramatically enough to make a difference.

–Jen*, 25

Leave that person immediately; it's not gonna get better. Ever. People rarely change, and they most certainly don't change FOR YOU. And if you think that's what you deserve, think again. It can always be better.

Like, don't let anyone treat you like sh*t or give up on true love just because some idiot hurt you or made you think this is all you'll ever get. If this is all you know, all you have — let go, and understand that you don't have to suffer.

Be f*cking picky. After all, letting the wrong people into your life will do more damage than good.

–Farina, 18

Get the f*ck out. See the light, before that girl goes “Gone Girl” on your ass and, you're in it for good. Nobody wants a “Gone Girl” situation on his hands.

–Michael*, 26


Your friends know best.

If everyone around you is telling you this is dysfunctional, it's PROBABLY dysfuctional. Do not minimize the opinions of those who know you the best.

–Gina, 22

That is actually going on right now. I told him “Mate, I want to see you happy, and if that is with this girl, then I will support you. But you're not happy. You know it. I know it. We both know what you have to do, but it is up to you to decide whether you want to or not.”

–Jordy, 23

Unfortunately, most people don't see how bad things are from the outside, even when someone points it out to them — it's one of those things you just have to let people figure out for themselves.

If I were really worried about a friend — say, her BAE is rude to others, or he's cheating on her, or I'm worried that he's being abusive or controlling — I'd stage some kind of intervention. But I think most of the time, you just have to be there for your friend while she sorts it out.

–Katie, 22

I'd say, “Girl, I've been there (I hung on for three-plus years), and I get it, but you're being real f*cking dumb.”

–Katie*, 23


Run.

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! The longer you stay in it, the more hurt you'll be when it ends (Oh, and it WILL end. Beat him to the punch).

–Sheena, 25

Break up with him or her if you feel this way sooner than later. If you can't do that, then just wait him or her out — a person like that can't be patient.

–James*, 23

Get the f*ck out. If you have to think about if you should still be in the relationship, you shouldn't be in the relationship.

–Lauren, 20

I'd say run while you can!

–Sammy*, 22


*Name has been changed

 

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Alexia LaFata

Digital Editor

Alexia LaFata is a Senior Editor. She's a proud New Jersey native and Boston College graduate. When she's not writing, she's watching documentaries, practicing her Cher impression, or eating pasta. Stalk her at alexialafata.com.
Alexia LaFata is a Senior Editor. She's a proud New Jersey native and Boston College graduate. When she's not writing, she's watching documentaries, practicing her Cher impression, or eating pasta. Stalk her at alexialafata.com.

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