Happy Valentine’s Day WEEK to all my hallmark supporters, love-bitten babes and fairy tale ending believers! This is your week to be proud of the fact that you believe in true love and nobody can take your rainbow sprinkled mindset away from you.
Valentine’s Day seems to cause a lot of controversy simply because half of the world feels one way about it and the other half feels the complete opposite. Actually, I am going to go ahead and change those statistics to 70/30 for reasons that I will explain more extensively in the paragraphs below.
There is a saying that I have heard a few times over the course of my college career, “ When you are right, you are wrong; and when you are wrong, you’re fucked.” I get the urge to relate this quote to Valentines Day because it really makes a lot of sense if you break it down the way that my brain has.
There are two obvious scenarios that each individual can be in as Valentines Day approaches them.
- In a Relationship: This includes dysfunctional, functional, beginner, too comfortable, couldn’t care either way, open (but both don’t know it) relationships.
- Single: Self explanatory.
Aside from those obvious two, there are the in-between awkward stages that nobody in this world could possibly be content with. Sorry for the brutality alarm but NOBODY IS SO CHILL that they just live their life emotionlessly. It’s called being high…not chill.
If you are in an actual relationship, Valentine’s Day is probably going to be placed under the category of obligations 101. Either one or both people are expecting some type of gesture or gift to assure that the love is still going strong.
The problem with this is fairly simple. Nobody is ever really super excited about their gift or even worse, their lack thereof. How does somebody forget to give a gift? Another fairly simple concept, yet ROOKIE mistake. When a girl tells you that she doesn’t want anything, it’s totally unnecessary and all she needs is you…RUN.
That entire quote is code for “ I am trying to act collected and down to earth, but if you don’t get me exactly what I want (and you should know what I want) then this Valentine’s Day very well may be the anniversary date of our pathetic break up.
If you aren’t in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is the time that you reflect on all your past relationships and essentially feel sorry for yourself. As you feel sorry for yourself, you decide to torture yourself by watching romantic/comedy-like tv shows or movies that include the most ridiculous and unrealistic scenes.
Exhibit A: The OC Season 1: Seth and Summer
Seth and Summer are DL hook up buddies because Summer doesn’t want her business out for the rest of the school to comment on. Seth is so in love with Summer that he would do anything for her, including the agreement to keep their secret affair under wraps.
Seth struggles to go as long as he can until he inevitably breaks down. Summer signs up for the kissing booth on Valentine’s Day (free kisses for charity) when she suddenly finds Seth causing a scene.
Seth cuts the line, stands up on the table and declares his love for Summer putting his hand out for her approval while screaming in front of the entire student body, “ Acknowledge me now, or lose me forever.” Summer melts… and there you have it: The most unrealistic and amazing scene that only actors get to experience. #thatreallysucks.
Another one of my personal favorites: Justin Timberlake’s love confession for Mila Kunis in the hit movie
“Friends with Benefits,” where he creates a flash mob in Grand Central Station.
I just love the idea that everybody in a room can stop what they are doing and just know exactly the dance routine they have to perform. Semi Sonic, you really are the go-to band for a romantic gesture. At the end of the day, it is important to realize the key humor points in all of the V-DAY hype.
- Valentine’s Day is just another made up holiday to keep Hallmark in business.
- Valentine’s Day is an excuse to overeat chocolate and possibly poke somebody new on Facebook.
- Valentine’s Day is a chance to reflect and possibly let go of any past BULLSHIT.
Valentine’s Day could be the opportunity for an eye-opening realization:
Single girls: My friends and I kill it, we don’t need bad gifts from shitty half-assed boyfriends.
Single boys: Free pass to not fuck up. No obligations and no worries. Money saved and one slap bypassed.
So, with Valentine’s Day coming up, just remember that anything goes. There are a thousand options that you can invest in that fit you and your current status. Worse comes to worst, just know that there is somebody else out there listening to Mariah Carey and Jay Z’s throwback song “Heart Breaker”…on repeat. (Red Lipstick Suggested.)
Lip-synching into my big round hairbrush right after I sign off here…
MollyBSocial | Elite.