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Sexual Chemistry: Why Our Bodies Understand Love Before Our Brains Do

What is this thing we call “sexual chemistry”? It’s so elusive, so difficult to define using words.

It’s the unexpected electric shock of sexuality that surges through our bodies when we accidentally brush up against a stranger in a crowded subway car.

It’s the palpable heat that ignites when two bodies ever so suddenly find themselves inexplicably attracted to one another.

It’s when you feel that irrepressible tug, the curious magnetic pull drawing you toward another person with such a ferocious intensity; it feels almost beyond the realm of your own self-control.

It’s the seductive sensation that sensually sweeps itself across our cores when our gaze meets another gaze from across a room.

It’s the unexpected display of awe-inducing fireworks exploding across the surface of our hearts when we are suddenly filled with a blooming desire to taste the lips of a blind date before we’ve even had the opportunity to exchange words with this person.

It’s the impenetrable desire that oozes from our pores when all we want to do is touch the bare skin of the gorgeous entity taking up space on the other side of the bar.

Sexual attraction feels chemical, like a drug.

It’s a glorious high unparalleled to anything else in the entire universe. It’s intoxicating. It’s addictive. It’s when we feel blissfully drunk, positively inebriated from the way a person smells.

It’s that rare occasion when we instantly love how another person tastes. It’s when we want to drown every fiber of our beings in someone else’s body.

It’s when just a light touch that exists for a mere second between two fingertips feels akin to explicit sex.

It’s not intellectual. It’s visceral. It lives in the body. It resides in the gut. It’s when…

Our bodies understand something before our brains do.

Once upon a time, a girl met someone she felt she had little to nothing in common with while on vacation…

…Until they kissed, and the kissing quickly turned into touching, and the touching turned into them devouring one another’s bodies until the morning sunlight broke through the dark nighttime sky.

They shared an intimacy so acute, it cut deeper than typical casual sex. It meant something.

High on the physical connection, before they knew it, they had been laying together in bed for eight hours, talking, exchanging secrets they had reserved for the grave.

Their bodies understood they were emotionally connected before their brains did.

We can’t rationalize why our bodies feel a specific way. When we feel something instinctually, in the gut, in the heart — it’s a feeling that manifests in the body, not in the brain. Don’t shut it out.


Perfect on paper isn’t always perfect in person.

We’ve all met the person who was perfect on paper, right? People who possess everything we claimed to have always wanted and desired.

Their dreams are cohesive to OUR dreams. Their lifestyle fits into our lifestyle. They see their lives taking shape the same way we always saw our lives taking shape. It’s surreal. We think surely this is meant to f*cking be.

And then our precious pout will meet their precious pout — and something is off. And we feel nothing, if we’re lucky. If we’re unlucky, we feel almost dirty from just their kiss (at no fault of theirs).

Their touch almost feels like an unwelcome, disturbing pinprick to the surface of the skin. We feel uncomfortable, inexplicably short of breath and stifled in their arms.

This is when we have zero sexual chemistry. It’s not something we can control, and it doesn’t always make sense.

The girl or boy who was oh so perfect on paper — wasn’t oh so perfect in person.

It often makes me wonder: Is our lack of physical attraction, the way we are repelled by a person’s taste, our bodies’ way of protecting us against someone who — if we were to dare to get to know a little further — could be inherently bad for us? Or maybe our intuition knows that what we THINK we want isn’t what we really want at all?

Are our bodies telling us something? Shouldn’t we always listen to and be wary of our bodies’ physical reaction to everything and everyone?


Our nerves know before we converse.

Oh, that moment when our nerves suddenly explode all over us just from making accidental eye contact with a stranger.

All of a sudden, our hearts are aflutter, our hands are uncontrollably trembling, our palms are sweating, we’re a hot mess that has suddenly forgotten how to form complete sentences.

And we’re wildly turned on. We haven’t even touched the person who is turning us on so fiercely, let alone exchanged words.

But our bodies are vehemently telling us something. Our body is telling us we direly want this person, fully and now. In every f*cking way.

It’s lust at first site. The kind we have no choice but to explore (or at least endlessly fantasize about exploring in our minds).


Touch screen has nothing on touch.

In this digital age, we are starving, depraved from being hit by the unexpected electric shock of sexual chemistry that can only happen in person.

Virtual feelings will never carry the weight of in-person feelings.

Online dating is the new normal.

We take to our smart phones and manically swipe left or right, carefully curating who cuts it and who gets cut.

We can peer at a face through the static glow of the computer screen, allow our eyes to process a person’s face and then firmly decide whether or not we deem him or her beautiful enough to be a dating candidate.

We can study every word in a slew of personality profiles. What school did this person go to? What job does he or she have? Does he or she want children? Smoke? Drink? F*ck on the first date?

We can weed anyone out in whatever way we like. But herein lies the problem with online dating: Sexual Chemistry has no profile. It has no annual income.

Sometimes we feel the most epic sexual chemistry of our entire lives with the most unexpected of people.

Sometimes we feel the heat of seduction and lust with someone who is the very opposite of what we want via the touch screen of our computers.


Sometimes a body high is more telling than a highly intellectual conversation.

The sensual body buzz we receive from someone with whom we have an indestructible sexual compatibility with is an incredibly rare feat. After all, we are ever so easily able to engage in the art of conversation, right?

We are hyper-intelligent, self-aware individuals. Connecting with people on an intellectual level is not usually an issue for two seemingly compatible entities.

But let’s not lose sight of our sexual draw in the thick of words, text messages and screenshots.

Let’s never forget to listen to our bodies because sometimes they’re far wiser than our brains could ever dream of being.

No matter how “perfect” he or she appears, no matter how amazing his or her words are, no matter how much our parents would approve of the awesome specimen sitting in front of us — if his or her touch doesn’t feel right, let’s not ignore it.

It’s supposed to feel good, and if it doesn’t, something is wrong.

After all, a body high can sometimes be far more telling than any highly intellectual conversation could ever stand to be.

Let’s never discredit the intoxicating wonders of sexual chemistry because our bodies, unlike our words, can’t lie.

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Zara Barrie

Freelance Contributor

Zara Barrie is a senior writer for Elite Daily. She's consumed by style, sexuality, women, words, fashion and feelings. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Zara Barrie is a senior writer for Elite Daily. She's consumed by style, sexuality, women, words, fashion and feelings. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

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