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What To Do If Your BF Doesn’t Want To Move In With You, According To A Gay Man

What do you do when your boyfriend of three years doesn’t know if he wants to move in with you after college?

— Joseph, 24, gay

Damn, man.

First off, three years is a long time for any type of relationship, let alone a long-distance one, so props to you for staying together for so long.

That being said, it doesn’t sound like you two have been on the exact same page.

The Moment I Came Out

Having a relationship in college is tough, especially if one of you is older. The second you ship off into the real world and leave your partner behind, they’re going to keep blacking out on a Wednesday night while you’re in bed after work, struggling to even keep your eyes open until 10 pm.

Your worlds are on two very different spectrums right now, and there’s no way around that.

Even if you made the effort to communicate as much as possible, you’re so far apart that anything could happen to alter the original plan you two made. While promises may have been made in the past, things change. And sometimes, people change too.

While promises may have been made in the past, things change. And sometimes, people change too.

If that’s the case, him moving in may not be the best idea after all.

You’ve been separated so long, he could invade your space and completely throw your day-to-day plan off course. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you to make such a big step, especially if not everyone is committed to the plan.

I think it’s best for you to let him graduate, speak honestly with each other and then make a decision.

Don’t jump into something you’ll end up regretting (especially being such a young’n at 24).


I’m in my mid-twenties, and I’ve yet to be in a relationship. Should I be on the prowl, actively pursuing a boyfriend or stop forcing it, and let the chips fall as they may?

— Seth, 25, gay

It took me a while to learn this, but there’s no need to force yourself into a relationship.

I found myself in a similar boat not too long ago, observing my friends cycle through failed partners while I get arthritis from all the Tinder swiping I’m doing.

It was only after so many wasted (and downright expensive) dating attempts with men that I realized I was approaching the game all wrong. If I wanted a boyfriend, I basically had to stop acting like I wanted one and well… just have fun.

If I wanted a boyfriend, I basically had to stop acting like I wanted one and well… just have fun.

Easier said than done — and something you’ve probably heard before – but just hear me out.

I’m sure your self-esteem has taken a hit, and you think something’s wrong with you. I thought that for a long time too.

I felt like I was defective and wasn’t meant to be with someone, despite feeling like I was. But let me tell you: There’s nothing wrong with you.

The more you try to push this and aggressively date week after week in hopes of finding the right guy, the less likely The One will end on your lap.

Just let things happen. Sure, go on regularly scheduled dates if you want, but never meet someone with by thinking, “Wow, this guy might be my boyfriend.” You’ll only set yourself up for total failure and disappointment.

Don’t let dating and the pursuit of finding a boyfriend feel like a job. Browsing through profiles doesn’t come with health benefits.

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Sean Abrams

Editor

Sean Abrams is a sex & dating writer for Elite Daily. He enjoys long walks on the beach and large glasses of tequila. When he's not putting his thoughts on paper, he likes to pretend he's just like Channing Tatum in "Step Up" as a hip hop d ...
Sean Abrams is a sex & dating writer for Elite Daily. He enjoys long walks on the beach and large glasses of tequila. When he's not putting his thoughts on paper, he likes to pretend he's just like Channing Tatum in "Step Up" as a hip hop d ...

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