Boyfriends Are The New Girlfriends
Girlfriends are great — they’re always there to lend a sympathetic ear, eat ice cream and ribs with you when your boyfriend cheats on you and sympathize with you during your magical time of the month.
Girlfriends are also awesome at stabbing you in the back, stealing your boyfriend and roofy-ing your cocktail when you’re going after the guy they want (I’ve had some very aggressive girlfriends in the past).
Basically, girlfriends are great at lying to you and being your secret nemesis. If you’re over all of the unnecessary drama and always having to watch your back, it’s time to get yourself a boyfriend.
No, I don’t mean a man to date — I’m referring to that illusive friend of the opposite sex that comes with no strings attached. He may be straight, he might be gay, he can be both — it doesn’t matter because boyfriends are the new girlfriends.
Guys are simple creatures — they know what they like, they say what they mean and are generally very easy to read. This is why they make the best of friends. Unlike girls, boyfriends are generally drama free.
They don’t hold grudges and if you’ve pissed them off, instead of bitching to everyone else in the world about it, they’ll actually tell you to your face and give you a chance to apologize.
You can have a screaming match with your guy friend and be best friends again five minutes later, after one of you apologizes. In contrast, piss a girl off and she’ll be plotting your death for years to come, all while kissing your ass so you won’t suspect a thing. You don’t always have to watch what you say around boyfriends — most guys have a pretty good sense of humor and don’t take themselves too seriously.
You can talk shit about each other and insult one another for hours without any repercussions. Conversely, say one wrong word to a girl about her weight and she’s off crying and developing an eating disorder.
Men are also good listeners — granted, it’s generally because they are unable to multitask, and hence they have to concentrate on the task at hand, but this makes them the ideal person to come to when you need someone to talk to.
Boyfriends listen to you without passing judgment and often offer realistic advice — not just telling you what they think you want to hear because it will hurt you the least. Granted, since the majority of our issues revolve around men, it’s also handy to speak to a guy to get his point of view on how to handle the situation best.
Women tend to over think and overcomplicate the matter, resulting in blowing the issue way out of proportion — guys are less emotional and more pragmatic, leading to a rational solution.
Girlfriends also tend to be more jealous and possessive of your friendship than boyfriends. Any attempts to add a new girlfriend to your circle are often going to be met with skepticism and hesitation from your existing girlfriends — they need to know everything about her family history, financial information and sexual preference before they will even consider accepting her into the group.
Guys, on the other hand, welcome new female relationships into your life with open arms — the only two questions they will generally ask: one – is she cute? And two – is she single? Yes to both? You’re instant best friends!
Boyfriends also tend to be more discreet than girlfriends. Let’s face it — girls love to gossip. Even if you swear on your Chanel bag that you won’t ever tell anyone about how your best friend fucked that random bartender one evening, a couple of cocktails later, this promise may slip your mind.
Guys on the other hand are like a vault — you can trust your secrets to them and they’ll guard them with their life. No amount of persuasion or blowjobs will make him divulge your slutty behavior. Okay — fine, maybe blowjobs is a stretch…
Ladies — it’s time to take a good look at your circle of girlfriends. If they’re more trouble than they’re worth, cut them out of your life for good and invest in some quality boyfriends.