“I just need to get laid,” say all those people who find themselves utterly miserable. That's because, more than another season of “Breaking Bad” or carbs or Beyoncé, we look to sex as a natural cure-all for most of our problems.
And we're not too far off. Our primal urges are pretty much on-point: Science shows getting it on has more benefits than just getting off.
In a bad mood? You need to get laid. Have a terrible headache? An orgasm would solve that. Feeling bad about yourself? You need someone to f*ck you.
Don't believe us? Test it out for yourselves.
Here's why sex is the ultimate cure.
Next time your gal says she can't do it because she's “got a headache,” convince her with this one: The best way to kill a migraine is by getting on the love train.
The Daily Mail reports that researchers found the release of endorphins during sex act as natural painkillers on the central nervous system and lessen a headache. She doesn't need Advil; she needs your dick.
Having trouble sleeping
What else is there to do when you're lying in between the sheets and are unable to sleep? (Hint: It's not reading a book).
It's not just the physical activity that'll knock you out — after a little sexytime, according to Dr. Laura Bergman, your body releases oxytocin, a chemical that helps you sleep. If you're tossing and turning, try tossing and turning with someone else for a bit.
Hacking up a lung
When you're going through a dry spell, your vagina might not be the only thing to close up.
According to a study from Wilkes University, people who get it on two times a week have higher levels of antibody immunoglobin, a defender against germs and viruses, than those who had sex less often.
Don't go boning everything in sight as replacement Sudafed, though. Interestingly, people who had sex three times a week or more had lower levels of the antibody than the abstainers.
Like potato chips and forceful hugs, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
How bad you are at sex
The only way to get better at something is to do it over and over again, right? Not only will having more sex improve your sex life, it will also boost your libido, according to Lauren Streicher, an assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.
For women, regular intercourse boosts vaginal lubrication, blood flow and elasticity, which makes you want it more and better at it. Basically, you're helping yourself by helping yourself.
Everyone has his or her own personal remedy for a case of the hiccups, but none sound nearly as pleasurable as Dr. Francis M. Fesmire's recommendation.
He devised two cures for hiccups, “digital rectal massage” (for the exploratory) and orgasms (for everyone else).
According to Dr. Fesmire, “An orgasm results in incredible stimulation of the vagus nerve,” which helps stop your unrelenting hiccups. There will be no faking it this time.
Health of your prostate
Researchers at the National Cancer Institute found that men who have more orgasms (think around 21 per month) reduce their risk of prostate cancer by a third.
If that seems like a hard number to reach (hey, stuntin' ain't easy) don't worry — masturbation still yields the same benefits.
Ejaculation may be responsible for ejecting carcinogens that accumulate in the prostate, kind of like how Eminem cleans out his closet, so to speak.
You're not just rubbing one out, you're rubbing a whole host of bad sh*t out.
It's pretty obvious that feeling wanted and close to someone can make you happier, but having sex does more for your self-esteem than you realize.
According to James Coan, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, sex improves our mental health thanks to feel-good hormones, oxytocin and endorphins. Get it up when you're getting down.
Arousal also activates your brain's pleasure and reward system, which University of Texas researchers believe helps boost your self-confidence.
Knowing that someone appreciates you naked doesn't hurt either.
Sex is the magical cure-all, so it only makes sense that it relieves stress as well.
Yale researchers discovered daily romps led to increased cell growth in the hippocampus, the part of the brain in charge of regulating stress. In other words, the more you bone, the more brain you're getting.
Frequent sex also means lower levels of stress hormone cortisol in the body, which translates to calmer, more relaxed you. You don't need a chill pill, you need a chill sesh…
While there's no conclusive research that proves sex cures hangovers, it definitely takes your mind off the pain (provided you don't puke everywhere). It's a temporary release from the hell that is your own head.
For men in particular, alcohol can lower their testosterone levels, meaning they will be craving some love to re-up on those hormones.
Especially if they couldn't get it up the night before, they'll be wanting it bad the next day. May we kindly suggest morning sex? A poke in the back jolts your hangover in a way that caffeine can't.
Horrible cases of boredom
We can't believe you didn't think of this one on your own. What were you doing all this time? Playing cards?
Holding it in
Ladies, we all know you have terrible bladders and need to stop at every public bathroom available.
Well, here's something to help control your urge: good sex that results in an orgasm (is there any other kind?) strengthens your pelvic floor when you contract those muscles.
This means you'll be better at holding it in when you're waiting on line for eternity to get into the club.
Help alleviate pain
We talked about sex being good for headaches, but it also helps raise your overall pain threshold, according to Barry R. Komisaruk, PhD service professor at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.
His team has found that even without an orgasm, vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain (because you're probably too focused on what's going on down there).
Still looking for a partner? You can DIY your very own Midol, as self-stimulation has also been shown to reduce menstrual cramps and even arthritic pain (maybe not in your hands…)
Go on, get down with your bad self.
Even though it's a rebound, you can still score. While there's no definite science to back it up, having remorse sex after a bad breakup can make you feel a lot better about your newfound singlehood.
The mingles alone don't give you the tingles, remember that.
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