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I’d Rather Cry Over An Assh*le Than Date A Guy Who Bores Me To Tears

Men can get away with being a lot of things, sure, but the one thing women won't stand for (and trust me, we put up with a lot) is when men are f*cking boring.

You know who the boring guy is. He’s the guy you went out to dinner with once and by the end of your first glass of Pinot Noir, you came to the shattering realization that there is a kind of guy worse than the hot dick: the hot guy who’s boring as hell.

He’s the guy with nothing to say. His knowledge and opinion of things are as limited as his interest in them. He has no real ideas or values; he just regurgitates bullsh*t you’ve already heard before.

He has no ambition or drive. He doesn’t have grand theories and conspiracies about life and death. He has no fight in him, no spirit and no tenacity.

He’s the guy who makes you wonder if maybe you were too harsh on all the dickheads you threw away.

At least with the dick, there’s a spark there — even if it’s just one you’re trying to catch. At least with the assh*le, you’re wasting your time on someone entertaining. At least with the guy who’ll bring you undeniable rage and pain, there’s a feeling there.

I’ll always take an assh*le over a square. I'll take a sh*t in the pot over nothing. I'll take a guy who’s going to bring me to tears over one who’s just going to bore me to them.

The reason we chase guys, dream up relationships and pine for people we can't have is that it distracts us from our boring day-to-day. The real reason women date assh*les is that they’re bored.

They’re looking for an escape from the mundane, a respite from the usual. Our relationships are supposed to defy our boring workweeks and average nights in.

They’re supposed to throw us into something exciting and new. They’re supposed to be anything but dull.

For all the men out there who feel like they're being upstaged by the assh*les, maybe it's not the nice guy complex; maybe it's just you.

Assh*les have opinions; boring men just have assh*les.

You might hate what they stand for, but at least they stand for something. Without your opinions, what do you have? Without your views and ideals, what are you? What do you live for? What makes you bleed?

Be a human and be real with me; open up to me.


Assh*les might make you cry, but at least they won't bore you to tears.

There is no worse feeling than emptiness. I'd rather be sorry than hollow. I'd rather be enraged than unaffected. Boring men do not ignite any type of feeling, any idea or any thought.

They don't elicit anything from you, nor give you anything in return. Assh*les at least give you feelings and feelings are always worth something.


Assh*les talk out of their ass, but at least they're actually talking.

We're all more comfortable with chatter than silence. Chatter is engaging and comforting. People who know how to make chit-chat, even if it's not your favorite kind, are better to have around than someone who doesn't know how to engage, human-to-human.

One distinct advantage the assh*le has over the bore is his ability to produce a reaction.


Assh*les will screw you, instead of making you screwy.

Assh*les might f*ck you over, but at least they're doing something.

There's nothing worse than someone who’s so boring he begins to make you question your own sanity. There's also nothing worse than a man who doesn't know how to be a man.

You know what I'm talking about — those boring boys you think are playing games but find out soon enough they literally just have nothing to say and that's why they're not texting.

There's no confusion with the assh*le, you know what he is and you accept it – many times for the good sex.


Assh*les always add, instead of taking away.

They might be adding nothing but a mess, but at least they're throwing something in the bowl. They might bring a truck load of pain and frustration, but at least they showed up to the party.

They might be the worst people ever, but at least they’re worthy of a fight.


Assh*les have a function, not just as a body.

Their function is to annoy you, poke you, get under your skin. They’re there to make you stronger and more capable of handling pain. They teach you about good guys.

Boring men have no function. They don’t teach you anything nor do they produce any type of response. They’re stagnant.


Assh*les might stand you up, but they won’t make you feel like lying down.

With the assh*les, you’re always on your toes. With the boring men, you’re just looking for something to jump off.

Yes, the assh*le might make you sad and upset sometimes, but at least he’s keeping you entertained.

When would you end a relationship? When it’s gotten difficult or when it’s boring you to tears? Most of the time you still want to try and figure it out. A puzzle to be solved is better than no puzzle at all.

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Lauren Martin

Freelance Contributor

Lauren Martin is a Senior Lifestyle Writer at Elite Daily. After graduating from PSU, she moved to NYC to write fart jokes at Smosh Magazine. Making her way to ED, she now writes riveting commentary on nude pics, condoms and first dates.
Lauren Martin is a Senior Lifestyle Writer at Elite Daily. After graduating from PSU, she moved to NYC to write fart jokes at Smosh Magazine. Making her way to ED, she now writes riveting commentary on nude pics, condoms and first dates.

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