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The 5 Things You Need To Know About Dating An Alpha Female

I self-identify as an alpha female. This is means I am opinionated, outspoken and overworked.

Some people may say they are too intimidated to date an alpha female. That's fine. That isn't the type of person an alpha female is interested in anyway.

Sure, telling an alpha female you're intimidated by her might be cute at first if you're nervous, but if you are constantly feeling threatened by her success or personality, it speaks to your own insecurities.

An alpha female got to where she is by being confident, and she seeks that in a partner.

Whether you consider yourself alpha or beta, there are ways to complement your alpha female so she can still shine while allowing sparks to fly in your relationship.

She wants you to take charge.

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My entire career is surrounded around decision making, especially as a video producer. After a long day of organizing, casting and scheduling, the last thing I want to do is pick what we are having for dinner.

We do like when you value our opinion, so if you want to bring it down to a couple options, that takes a lot of mental burden from us already.

If an alpha female says she really doesn't care, she probably does but doesn't want to make the decision. Either offer her a couple options or don't be discouraged if she turns down your first one.

This goes beyond meals. Alpha females love putting themselves out there, but they know outside of work that takes more planning and more research.

More likely than not, your alpha female will love an unwinding lazy day just as much as she'd love to go hiking. Instead of expecting her to plan activities, ask her if she feels like doing something. If she says yes, pull up Groupon or your local paper's website and find something you both would enjoy.


She wants to be the breadwinner while still feeling taken care of.

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Plain and simple, alpha females are hustlers. We love to work, and we love to make money. It was never alluring to us to be dependent on another person, but that doesn't mean we don't like sweet gestures.

You'll find out a lot about this in our Dating & Dollars series, but I see money in relationships pretty simply: You pay for the date if you planned it, never use Venmo unless it's for a significant amount and aim to go 50/50 on the bill unless you are in an unordinary time of financial downfall. 


She loves when you reaffirm her.

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Don't try to out-alpha us. It's not a competition, and you'd probably lose anyway.

It's sexier if you celebrate us. It shows you aren't intimated by our accomplishments and you truly support us.

Every alpha female is used to working her ass off and not getting acknowledged for it. Sexism is alive and well in the workplace, and you've got to work twice as hard to be twice as successful just to be awarded for being exceptional “for a woman.”

And although this forced us to develop a higher sense of independent affirmation, it feels that much better to be complimented by our boo.


She wants you to dominate her in the bedroom.

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By the time we hit the sheets, I want to turn off my thoughts. I want my man to take off my clothes and call the cum shots (sorry, I had to).

But it goes beyond mentally unwinding. Being dominated is a huge turn on for an alpha female.

The reason people have sexual fantasies is because there is an allure to unrealistic situations. So if you spend the majority of your day as the boss, there's nothing sexier than switching positions in bed. If you're dating an alpha female, don't wait for years into the relationship to spice it up. Try new positions and buy new toys.

Chances are your alpha female likes it a little rough. A little hair pull, choking and spanking are easy ways to play the dominant role.

Most importantly, talk about consent beforehand or think of a safe word.


She wants you to know the laws of distraction.

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Like I said earlier, if you're dating an alpha female, she probably overworks herself, which usually comes along with a lot of self-induced stress.

You need to know when to relieve her with humor and affection and when to let her lock herself away to get work done.

The latter is probably easier to detect, so if you see her start to get worked up, try making her laugh or showering her in kisses. And if that doesn't work, it's probably time you let your alpha female go do what she does best.

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Kelley Lord

Video Producer

Follow Kelley Lord on Snapchat @PBandKelley for daily video shoots and shenanigans. With a degree in Broadcast Journalism from SUNY Fredonia, Kelley has found a way to incorporate her passions for writing, video, acting and comedy in her positi ...
Follow Kelley Lord on Snapchat @PBandKelley for daily video shoots and shenanigans. With a degree in Broadcast Journalism from SUNY Fredonia, Kelley has found a way to incorporate her passions for writing, video, acting and comedy in her positi ...

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