5 Empowering Things To Remember After A Breakup, According To An Expert
It's not much of a secret as to how much a breakup can hurt.
Trying to get through a difficult breakup can zap the energy out of even the most optimistic and cheerful among us.break
Though it may feel like it at the time, it's important to remember that your world is far from over.
You were once happy without your ex in your life, and with a little bit of quality “me” time, you'll soon be in a good place without them again. Just keep your head up, girl.
Elite Daily spoke to licensed psychologist Dr. Jennifer Rhodes, founder of Rapport Relationships, to help nail down some empowering things to remember post-breakup that'll help get you past this rough time in your life.
You got this.
1. Never Allow Yourself To Think You Were The “Problem”
Whatever you do, don't label yourself as the sole reason your relationship didn't work.
“The best advice that I tell clients is that it is usually not about you,” Dr. Rhodes told Elite Daily. “A breakup can happen for a multitude of reasons and is usually related to the other person not being relationship-ready.”
When a relationship ends, it's hard not to jump into a spiral of negativity about every aspect of your life.
Post-breakup, you can't allow those personal reflections to leave you feeling all the blame from your breakup. As Dr. Rhodes mentioned, it's common to chalk up a split to one partner not being ready to commit. More often than not, it's nothing you did. Don't blame yourself for something that was inevitable, rethinking possible scenarios over and over again.
You can't change something you never saw coming.
2. You Can Take Control Of The Situation
Throwing yourself into a new, healthy exploration after the end of a relationship is something that Dr. Rhodes counsels her clients to do as much as possible.
Whether you decide to take up a new hobby or just continue working on a project you'd pushed to the back burner, taking your focus off the other person (whom you can't control) and setting your own schedule (which you can control) is often a good way to deal with a breakup.
“I like to help clients use the breakup as an ‘opportunity' to explore,” Rhodes says. “You cannot control other people's behavior, but you can control how you respond to the situation.”
Dr. Rhodes suggests one of the best post-breakup activities is sightseeing. Traveling alone means aimless adventures with no map to abide by (or, you know, just time to lay on the beach as much as you want).
“Traveling solo as a woman can be very empowering and help reset your mind to future dating,” Rhodes says.
When you travel solo, you get the time, peace, and distance to remember who you are and find your way back to center.
3. A Little Bit Of Gratitude Goes A Long Way
Gratitude is one of the best weapons in our arsenal of recovery after a breakup.
At your lowest low, counting the truly good things in your life can make all the difference. Using gratitude as a self-help tool will encourage you to stop, look around, and appreciate all of the other wonderful things you have going on.
When it comes to your dating future, Rhodes wants you to remember that you have the choice to move on and find another, more successful relationship. Whenever you're ready to hop back into the dating world, you have the option right at your fingertips.
“This choice and having access to swiping left and right [on dating apps] is a privilege we forget we have until we look at the situations of women all over the world,” Rhodes says. “Be grateful for access to this technology because it means we have the power to move forward in our lives fairly quickly.”
There are more fish in the sea, so just keep swimming.
4. This Is A Perfect Opportunity For Quality Time To Yourself
While you're in a relationship, it's easy to get swept up in a whirlwind of too much couple time with a focus on the “we,” and not the “me.” The stillness after a breakup, though certainly hard, can be just the ticket to get you up and running again.
Christina Coster, a lead event consultant for Rapport Relationships and a colleague of Dr. Rhodes, believes self-care is extremely valuable when going through a breakup.
“The sooner you can disconnect from [a] relationship (getting rid of photos, gifts, emails, social media connections, etc.), the quicker you can focus on you and the possibilities that lie ahead,” Coster says.
In other words, quality time for yourself shouldn't be about rehashing the good and bad times in the relationship. Instead, it should be about forgetting those things and moving forward as an individual.
Go get a new haircut, travel, catch up with friends and family, take up a new exercise class or sport; whatever gets you feeling good and focused on you.
Nurture yourself and schedule time to get yourself back to feeling great solo.
5. It's OK To Just Let It All Out
You're going to feel a lot of conflicting emotions during your breakup.
Sometimes, you'll be glad you got rid of your ex. Sometimes, you'll be too caught up in the concept of losing “the one,” and that's OK. The most empowering thing you can do is give yourself room to be you. This is your time to feel however you need to feel.
Lydia Kociuba, lead online dating consultant for Rapport Relationships and another colleague of Dr. Rhodes, believes it's important to embrace those emotions to help you move on.
“It's OK to spend a little time feeling down, bummed out, angry, or hurt,” says Kocibua. “Let yourself feel what you need to feel, but not so long that life starts slipping away. At some point, we have to stand up, take a deep breath, and focus on all the possibilities the future has for us. Life is too short to dwell on what was and not focus on what could be.”
As humans, we're bound to go through some ups and downs, but that's natural. Give yourself the space to feel and don't lock things away in hopes it'll suddenly lift your spirits.
Remind yourself that what you're going through right now won't last forever. Focus on you. Nothing else matters during this time.
Empower yourself, look towards the future, and you'll be feeling better in no time.
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