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Why We’re Single: 10 Ways We F*ck Up A Good Thing Before It Even Starts

We all want relationships, yet we sabotage any chance we get at them.

We all want love, but refuse to give it. We all want someone, but try to hate everyone.

We’re a culture of contradictions, and the more we say we want relationships, the more I wonder if we’re the victims or the villains.

It's hard to tell. Maybe we're just bad at them. Maybe after years of swimming in social media and dating apps, we've lost the basic skills to acquire a significant other.

Maybe after becoming so connected, we've forgotten how to disconnect. We can't remember what it's like to turn off the phones and sustain a relationship in real time.

It's easy to blame social media and Tinder, but those are all just facets of a larger problem, a problem that's led to a generation of codependent, single 20- and 30-somethings with chips on their shoulders.

We've all become too damn selective for one another. We're trying, but we're doing a damn sh*tty job.

We say we're putting ourselves out there, but we're really just putting out sh*t.

So what is it? What do we do to right these awkward and uncomfortable wrongs? How do we change the landscape? First, we must look at what we're doing wrong because that's where change comes from.

We must look at the bad habits we’ve formed and start breaking them. We must stop saying we’re trying and start owning up to our mistakes.

We hold on to baggage only to let go of opportunities

We talk about our past as if it's part of our present. Our exes who won't stop calling, our debt that's following us and our inability to commit.

These are things we bring up to either make the other person jealous or give him or her insight into who we are and what we've been through.

Yet all we're really doing is giving away another shot at a clean slate.


We don't text back to avoid seeming desperate, but end up not communicating at all

The whole “not texting back for two days” isn't making you desirable; it's making you invisible. People aren't going to think you're hard to get; they're going to think you aren't worth getting at all.

There's a certain level of respect that must be maintained when trying to start a relationship, and ignoring texts or playing games is just rude.


We start drama to make things interesting, but only lose their interest

We're so starved for attention and affection; we make drama just for the sake of having something to get emotional about, something to be sorry about and something to care about.

All we're really doing, however, is putting our effort and emotion into making ourselves look f*cking crazy. We’re fighting about nothing because we are so desperate for something.


We live in the past only to pass up the moment

We're too concerned with what's going to happen and what happened before that we don't put any effort into what’s happening now.

The further in the past our minds are, the less connected we are to moment.

Dates are ruined by distracted minds, and relationships are over by the time you realize they were happening.

We need to stop living in the past for the sake of our own futures.


We cheat before we're cheated on, and end up only cheating ourselves

We're fans of self-preservation and, thus, self-annihilation. We kill any chance of romance before romance can kill us.

We hook up with stupid guys at stupid bars and exes because it's easy. We step on the bud of the flower before letting it bloom.


We get drunk to ease the tension and end up scaring them off

Drinking before the date has got to stop.

Considering we get drunk enough on the date, adding alcohol beforehand is only a recipe for him or her to see your blacked-out side way too soon.

And trust me, there is a time and place for someone to see that, and it’s never the beginning.


We say everything except what we mean and how we feel

It’s a mystery we still have conversations, considering we’re always saying everything but what we mean to say.

We say everything we didn’t want to say, everything we know we shouldn’t say and anything else in between.

Those important things, like how you feel and what you mean, never seem to make their way out.


We try to wait for sex, but end up f*cking ourselves

We put so much pressure on the sex and the orgasm that we end up f*cking everything but each other. Or we have one bad night and call it quits.

Sex isn’t perfect, and neither are you. The movies are bullsh*t, and the more you look for that perfect night in the sheets, the more you’ll be alone in yours.


We do research to find out more and end up finding stuff we wish we didn’t know

We do research to turn ourselves on, but only end up turning ourselves off. There’s nothing for you to find out that can’t be learned in person and trying to cheat the system only gets you in trouble.

What’s the point in dating if you already know the person?


We lie to seem cooler and just end up getting caught

How can you start something real if you’re nothing but fake? You say you want a real relationship, but every time you try, you’re just building a lie.

Relationships are one of the most open and honest experiences you can have. Holding on to a lie and thinking it won’t come out is like going into a test without taking the class… You’re going to fail, no matter how smart you are.

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Lauren Martin

Freelance Contributor

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