The 20 Types Of Girls You Bang In College
College proves to be a time in everyone’s life where the number of sexual conquests go from a few to dozens. From your first semester to senior year, the primary objective in life is to take down as many willing women as possible.
We know it sounds shallow, but we’d be lying if we said we didn’t drop classes due to the lack of attractive women.
Relish in your glory because you will have access to women after college, but they just will be exponentially more expensive.
These are 20 Types Of Girls You Bang In College.
Eddie Cuffin | Elite.
20. The Free-Spirited Whore
You won’t have to put forth much effort for this one because she’s just as down for the deed as you are. She’ll probably be one of the first girls you bang on campus, as you can close the deal by simply buying her a warm beer and a lemon drop. She’s most likely from a small town and has been controlled her whole life. College is her coming out party where she shows off her free spirit and the ability to just let loose. The sex will most likely be extremely sloppy, unfortunately. After the first instance, you probably should not come back for more unless you’re obliterated and on plan Z. Ease of access is a sure thing until she gets a boyfriend mid junior year and says “I don’t do that anymore.” But trust us -- she won’t be changing her ways any time soon.
19. The Freshman Co-Ed
There is nothing more exciting than acquiring a nice freshman girl in college. Not only is she naïve and unaware of what’s about to happen the next four years, but she will love you just based on the fact that you are older. By senior year you’ve probably been with your entire year, so it is time to trend lower. The fruit only ripens once. What she lacks in experience she will make up in blowjobs.
18. The Jewish Girl
The infamous JAPs wear leggings, Uggs and North Face jackets as if it were their uniform. These Star of David wearing sweethearts are so approachable and so easy to coerce into your bed. You're pitching for a solid 7 on the richter scale on any given day so they're far from your greatest accomplishments in life. Good luck getting rid of this clinger.
17. The Stoner Chick
Her love for bowl tokes in bed and listening to Slightly Stoopid on repeat will grow tiresome after the first few weeks. It's great to get her high as she gives you head, but the fact that the longevity of your relationship is contingent on the strength of your strain is no good. God forbid that asshole from down the hall comes by with the OG Skywalker Kush.
16. The Virgin
As much as getting her wrapped around your finger sounds like the first page of a love story. This is the last thing you want in life. If she's held onto her V-Card for this long, clearly something is broken on the inside. You don't want to deal with this even if it is your last bet. You can get ointment for the Herpes, but nothing can repel the clinginess of this woman.
15. Your Girlfriend
High school is over. The days of movie nights followed by Cold Stone and hand holding have since been replaced with nameless sexual acquisitions and more fornication in public restrooms than you ever had hoped for in life. Girlfriends will only weigh down your rocket of love. What's college if you can't freely smash all you can?
14. The Girl Who Has A Boyfriend At Another School
No, you're not Cassanova. And no, your "swag" is not "OD overload." You've found a whore who masks her promiscuous behavior under the responses: "I have a boyfriend," and "I would never cheat."
13. The Fat Chick You Want To Forget
It could be the teacher, the TA, your friend’s girlfriend or the big girl from Australia, but nonetheless throughout your sexual experiences in college there will certainly be a few bumps in the road. It could be the girl that left you with herpes or the girl that you may have gotten pregnant. Yes, we all make mistakes, and no one ever comes away clean after college.
12. The Sorority Chick
So beautiful, so full of life, but such the cronie -- as is anyone who willfully allows themselves to be berated on account of the facade of a social life during college. It's basic math: frat dudes take down the sorority girls. Regardless of your name, face, race or agenda you're as replaceable as she is. It's more relative to the convenience of the situation than anything else. Anyone who's willing to jump on the Greek bandwagon so easily is just as reluctant to jump into a blowjob with the next Joe Schmo wearing Sperrys.
11. The Molly Head
Have you ever been in an R Kelly video? There is nothing worse than missing finals week due to a sex-fueled molly binge. Well actually, sobering up to a dorm room littered with packets of Vitamin C and empty bottles of water, orange juice and lotion is terrifying. This girl is probably the most dangerous on the list. What's more dangerous than sex, women or drugs? Those three vices alone will have you contemplating moving to the Coast Of Azur to keep the oxytocin levels maintained at a high. Sober up dude, you almost killed yourself.
10. The Sweet Southern Belle That Cooks For You
Just because she has a shred of femininity and a quality of which your mother always told you to follow, don't fall for the Southern belles. She's only going through her rebellious phase with you. Her man has already been preselected for her at the age of 5. It's that asshole on Facebook with Polo Khaki shorts and the same tragic vertically striped button down that all those Pabst Blue Ribbon drinking yokels love.
9. The Spanish Chick With The Fattest Ass Who Knows How To Look Back At It
While she's spending some quality time with you, let's get one thing straight. She's only interested in up and coming rappers, D3 basketball players, and any idiot who dubs himself as having The Swag. God forbid A$AP Rocky plays a show at your university, you're basically serving dinner to him on a silver platter.
8. The Sloppy Drunk Girl At The Frat Party
It's tragic to encounter anyone as drunk as you may be after you've been on the bottle for six hours, but some dudes just love low hanging fruit. The more damaged the goods, the less intensive it is to take a bite out of.
7. The Edgy Chick
High socks, short shorts, rib and shoulder tattoos, and enough piercings to make her draw the magnet off your refrigerator. You can't help but to dive face first into this train wreck, literally. She's the girl who will occasionally bring home a 30 year old woman from Moscow and take shits with the door open. It's too much too handle at times, but the mystery will keep you entranced.
6. The European Exchange Student
So cultured, so perfectly dressed, and immeasurably more competent than the rest of the girls wearing Uggs and Spandex. She has an accent, she'll moan in languages you've never heard before, and life will seem to be but a dream. It will be passionate, it will be exciting, but don't cry to us when she heads back home after her study course is over. Get it in while you can, but know that after 2 months of half hearted Skype chats, all she'll be is a fading memory.
5. Your Consistent 3am Booty Call
Perhaps one of the most undervalued aspects of college is having the 3am booty call. You don't have to pay for her drinks, you don't have to watch her flirt with other guys, and you don't even have to deal with her shitty friends. All you have to do is send the politely gestured text message of "Come Through" at 2:30am and just like magic she appears drunk, aggressive and horny. Enjoy this luxury while you can boys. Not to say that this option won't exist in post college life, but you absolutely will be paying around $2,000 for every visit to Eros.com at 3:00AM.
4. The Sheltered Princess
This adorably clueless and sheltered sweetheart from godknowswhere America where parents stay married and everyone votes Republican is the least impressive on your list. While she thinks she dresses very chic, the farthest place you'd take her is the Olive Garden. Getting into her pants is not difficult, but listening to her pointless rambling about things she's heard around the dinner table her whole life is damn near unbearable. Have fun and stoke on, she won't be around for too long anyways. God knows she's already pinky promised some dweeb back home that they'll marry as soon as she graduates. Because we all know you needed a four year degree to be a homemaker.
3. The Party Girl Who Gets Too Wasted
You know, the girl who is 5 shots over her limit, somehow a New Jersey accent is peaking through her slurred speech, and not to mention she's shoving her hands down your pants at the bar to give a dry hand job. When she's sober she will always preach that she just wants to remain friends, but god forbid she sees a bottle of Svedka. Her first words in the morning will always be I was so blacked out last night as she climbs back on top. Do yourself a favor and pass it to a neighbor.
2. The Nerd
Perhaps the most strategic sexual acquisition of your collegiate career. She's cute, but far from anything that you want to be seen with, but you are willing to make the sacrifice. The grass is always greener on the other side and your influx of runway models and fashion students will always looking for something new. Don't let the square framed glasses fool you. It's always the quiet ones that have the most aggressive sexual behavior. Also, due to the fact of her low demand she clearly hasn't seen the number of inches your other sexual conquests have.
1. The One That Got Away
Your old high school sweetheart and perhaps the only woman in your life you will ever willfully give your all to. Call it love and naivety, but you really never knew better. Everyone plays the fool at some point in their life. She'll come up to visit you at college every month and you'll make the trips down to her school to reciprocate the efforts, and then one day…. It all falls through. Have sex with this woman as many times as possible because it is the last time you'll actually truly love your sexual partner in a long time. Everyone else that comes after her will only quantify as a number in the back of your head. Stop dreaming, the one that got away never comes back. This isn't a Jake Gyllenhaal movie.