Why Men Need To Stop Waiting For The “Right Time” And Go After What They Want
While most recently confiding in my guy friends, I've heard a lot of them talking about the “right time.” They'll say, “It's not the right time to ask her out.” They'll mention, “It's not the right time to tell her I want to stop hooking up.” They'll even assure each other, “It's not the right time to invite her to hang out with my friends.”
After hearing this too many times, I had to ask them what the hell they really meant by the “right time.” What exactly is the right time? One of my friends described the moment saying, “We like to feel that there is one moment where, if we ask her something, she will automatically say yes. But if we don't wait for that moment, we could fail.”
I then turned to another friend and inquired about the same matter, looking for a better explanation. He gave me basically the same response about fearing rejection if jumping ahead when it's not the “right time.” Now, as a girl, I'm all about those perfect moments: a kiss in the rain, saying I look good when I don't feel my best, meeting the right guy at the perfect time, etc. However, I'm also a huge believer in not wasting time.
So here's my advice to you guys: if you want to date her, if you want to make her more than a hookup, if she means something to you, do something about it. It doesn't matter if it's tomorrow, the day after, or months from now, if it feels right to you, then it probably feels right to her. If this is the case, it's likely her answer won't change too much.
I'm not saying that there aren't ideal moments, but sitting around waiting for the “right time,” anticipating rejection or agreement just seems like waiting for the inevitable. You're not only postponing your own future and wasting your own time, but you're also wasting her time.
When you don't make a move or hint at the desire to progress in a relationship, it sometimes translates into you seeming uninterested. If she wants to date you, but you're too busy waiting for the “right time” to ask, she will likely become tired of waiting, feel discouraged by the lack of progression in the relationship and ultimately end up disinterested.
This turns into a lose-lose situation for both parties involved. There are easy signs to pick up on when trying to decipher whether or not a girl is just as interested in you as you are in her: read her tweets, talk to her friends if you really don't know what she's thinking, ask your friends to analyze your connection, hint at your desires in conversation, etc.
Stop anticipating the “right time.” Take a chance, grow some balls, and if you really like her, don't let her go. Don't be afraid to ask the risky questions, stop being afraid of her response and just go for it. Life is too short to wait around for the “right time.”
Top photo: CW/Gossip Girl
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