Would You Date: The Jersey Girl

Would You Date: The Jersey Girl
Gentlemen
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This week, continuing our infamous Would You Date series, we have decided to explore a girl indigenous to the surrounding areas of New York that is nonetheless viewed with disdain by true New Yorkers. Within Manhattan lie the true New Yorkers, and in the surrounding “bridge-and-tunnel” areas, we find the bane of our existence—the Jersey girl.

Brief Overview-

As a native New Yorker, I see a wide variety of women each passing day. One girl I have never been able to wrap my head around is the Jersey girl. These girls typically frequent the city on weekends, as they are common bridge and tunnelers. These women are predominantly from either an Italian or Spanish background, as these cultures seem to be especially prominent in New Jersey.

Despite some notable exceptions, Jersey Shore gives a decidedly accurate portrayal of what your typical Jersey club girl is like. Usually we reserve our final opinion for the closing though, but with the Jersey girl, we wish to leave no room to convey that we possibly condone engaging one of these females. Here are the pros and cons.

Pros:

N/A

Unfortunately, there aren’t any pros to dating one of these girls. However, simply out of a sense of fairness we will give the Jersey girl somewhat of an honest chance. The Jersey girl can be extremely curvy, meaning she will most likely have amazing assets. Surprisingly enough, even with these great assets, they do manage to maintain great bodies. Despite the myriad cons, at least you’re likely to unveil a woman with an ideal physique.

You’re not getting an emaciated, Skeletor-esque run-of-the-mill New York model for once, but a refresher from a voluptuous and curvy Jersey girl. The sex is guaranteed to at least provide visual stimulation with their curvy bodies. If you like a girl with something on her and a rating of approximately 6.3 in bed then you’re in good hands.

These women also are dressed for every occasion. They take pride in their style and in their make up as well. There wont be a moment that you won’t catch her without make up. Even at the beach she will be flaunting her eye shadow and lip-gloss. Thankfully due to these artificial enhancements her bad days will look better than most girls’ good days.

They love to party and will come into New York any chance they get. You can quite commonly find them at 1Oak, Avenue, Lavo, Pacha and Tenjune on Tuesdays as it is considered to be “Jersey Night”. Besides Tuesday, they’ll most commonly be found Friday and Saturday night. They’re extremely flirty, love to have a good time and gossip more then housewives do. They can also at time bear some really cute accents, as Italian accents can sound sexy for a few hours until they become disgustingly annoying.

Cons:

To actually think of all those pros took a lot of tedious time. It took the brain power of the entire team at Elite Daily and a bit of black magic to conjure any pros beyond the curvaceous body of a Jersey club girl. The cons we are about to unveil are deal breakers for any Elite man.

First things first, these girls love to take mirror pictures. We still have yet to figure out the motivation behind these unusual photos. You are likely to witness the iconic Jersey move, the “kissy face”, in the photo as well. There is nothing worse than a girl who takes mirror pictures, as it unveils an odd combination of vanity, insanity, and insecurity raging within the confines of her mind. Another complexity that we don’t understand is the fact that they find the need to wear 6-inch heels to the pool. Insecure much?

These girls are class “A” gold diggers. They only like 2 types of men: Jersey Shore-esque guidos or guys who are flashy with their money. They suck the blood right out of the men that they date. If you ever fight with them, the only way she will forgive you is if you adequately compensate her monetarily. They expect to be treated like a princess by their men. It will be anticipated that you will cover all of her excessive needs and desires. Don’t be shocked if you find yourself paying for her girls night.

If the gold digger part wasn’t bad enough, these women are also extremely spiteful. Once the relationship ceases she will make haste to engage in relations with your closest comrades and whore herself to the nearest taker. These women are ruthless. When accused of being ruthless they will blame it on the men that “screwed” them over. Maybe they wouldn’t have gotten “screwed” over if they weren’t akin to a succubus drawing the life and monetary viability out of men.

Jersey club girls are also completely undeserving of your trust. Don’t be shocked if while you’re with her she is sleeping with someone else consistently. You can find drug use to be extraordinarily high amongst these women due to the pressures of the club scene. For some strange reason they also manage to get the most pointless tattoos that lack any true significant meaning or sentimental value.

Worst of all these girls are as facetious externally as they are internally. They will smile in your face and appear relatively innocuous, but they are generally conniving and tend to manipulate others to turn against you. This isn’t a phenomenon limited to the men they date. Their relationships with their supposed friends are also artificial and frivolous. If their make-up isn’t fake enough their true insides are even more artificial.

Worst of all, they are simply dying to mimic the lifestyle of true New Yorkers. When you call them a bridge and tunneler—which is the only accurate way to describe these women—they will attempt to vigorously dispute your claim and suggest that they are “in the city all the time.”

Lastly, Atlantic City is considered the Hamptons and every one of them thinks their an internet model. Finding them on pedestrian websites such as thedirty.com and barstoolsports.com is extremely common. Some of these women actually also take pride in being called a “guidette”.

Closing thought-We usually begin these articles suggesting that the women we are discussing are cherished or coveted, but no one yearns for a Jersey girl. With representation on a global scale made possible by Snookie, J Woww and Sammy we don’t expect the world to really disagree with us on this one.

Disclaimer: This is only a depiction based on 60% of the women in New Jersey. 

Elite.

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Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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