How To Deal With An Unwanted Case Of Whiskey Dick

How To Deal With An Unwanted Case Of Whiskey Dick
Gentlemen
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

It is time to address an issue that all men have either dealt with in the past, or will deal with at one point or another in their lives- the infamous Whiskey Dick. Most of us need a few drinks before we come home and get down to business, especially if we need to get that 5 up to a 7 before we can even consider getting an erection.

Unfortunately, sometimes we try to get that 5 to a 7 and then attempt to get the upgraded 7 to a 9- big mistake.

What was building up to be a great night quickly turns into a flop. Literally. So now what? She’s bent over your couch with her dress down around her ankles and the little soldier won’t suit up for battle. You have a couple of options.

One being the obvious solution: knock her out and tell her in the morning that she passed out mid-coitus- give her some Advil for her “headache” (I kid). Or, you can wiggle your way out of this embarrassing situation without trying to wiggle your way in- unsuccessfully.

Make Up An Excuse

This is a delicate matter- as lying usually is. You want to tell her something plausible and believable, but also something that won’t get her to realize your real problem. I would probably go with letting it slip that you are out of condoms.

Assuming that this is a one-night-stand or someone that you are not comfortable sticking it to raw, this should work just fine. Apologize and turn on the TV. She’ll either get the hint or she’ll hang around to watch Family Guy- win win.

Don’t Give Her A Chance To Find Out

Sometimes the “I don’t have protection” spiel just won’t cut it. If that’s the case, then you may need to do some fancy tongue work. Work your way from top to bottom and linger around the sweet spot for 15 to 20 minutes.

If you do it right, she’ll be too busy shivering and recovering for the next hour- too busy to even notice that you just gave her the best orgasm of her life, then rolled your ass over and passed the fuck out. This way, if she will be telling her friends anything, it’ll be how amazingly generous you are instead of how amazingly flaccid you are.

Sometimes It’s Just Better To Be Honest

While I usually suggest the truth as a last resort, it may be your best option- especially if the girl you are with is a keeper. Sure, she may be annoyed that you blue-balled her (blue-ovaried her?), but if she is into you and not just your amazing penis, then she’ll stick around for when you sober up. If she wakes you up with some morning oral, then you know she’s the one.

Paul Hudson | Elite. 

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Paul Hudson

A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and a mining startup in Turkey. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.

More In Gentlemen

Gentlemen Carly Spindel

10 Things All Women Wish Men Would Be More Mindful Of In Bed

Sex is an activity loved by people of all ages, so being good in bed is very important. Many men can’t stop talking about sex and assume they’re the best out there. They boast about their bedroom skills, but they’re truly clueless as to what they’re doing wrong. Read on to discover some common sex […]

Also On Elite

Envision

There Has Never Been A Sadder Cat In The History Of Sad Cats (Photos)

Move over, Grumpy Cat. Little P has far more existential problems to deal with than simple crankiness. The Scottish fold is taking Instagram with her huge eyes and soft-looking fur. No matter what happens in P’s life, she seems always to be vaguely disappointed about it. Scroll down to see her sadness for yourself. P […]

Life

6 Emotional Stages We All Go Through While Dealing With Terrible Roommates

We all face various trials and tribulations in our 20s: college, finding jobs, meeting new friends, learning to be on our own. The challenges of life that plague young adults are nearly innumerable. None may be so exquisitely frustrating and so thoroughly relatable, however, as that of the Bad Roommate. We’ve all had one: that […]

Women

10 Reasons Why Shopping And Dating Are The Same Thing In New York

We live in the always-on century. We’re always “shopping” in some way or another. Beyond that, we’re dating how we once shopped, and we’re shopping how we once dated — so it should come as no surprise that two have begun to overlap. As our everyday social interactions diminish to flurry of group chats and […]