It’s difficult meeting just the right person. You can go out to bars, clubs, coffee shops, restaurants, and parks every week for your entire life and not meet the right person. It’s arduous being patient while the loneliness continuously creeps up onto you.
But when you find someone that you think may be the right fit, someone that you enjoy spending time with, and someone that makes the loneliness melt away, it’s one of the most satisfying feelings in the world. And then, one day, after months of getting to know each other, meeting her friends and family, you find out that back home she was known as the town bicycle.
How did you find out that your girlfriend has spent too many hours playing 7-minutes-in heaven? Hopefully she told you herself. But with social media sites like Datemyschool.com it is becoming easier and easier to find out who our significant other has dated in the past. So if you have a feeling that your girlfriend has a past that is darker than you can live with, it won’t hurt to do a little digging. Then again, you could just trust her.
Either way, finding out that your girlfriend has a past full of promiscuity and debauchery, to put it frankly, sucks. Although as men we know that we weren’t her first, we would like to imagine it being so. We don’t want to know that our girlfriend has been with more guys then we can count; the thought alone is enough to makes us nauseous. So what do you do? How can you look past her past? Should you let it go or should you move on? To forget or not to forget, that is the question.
If you find out that your girlfriend has a promiscuous past and it bothers you, you have two options; you either forget or you flee. Fleeing seems to be the favorite option of the two.
Most guys can’t deal with the fact that their woman has had more partners than they had- even when this is not the case, most men don’t like it if their girlfriend has had a list of partners that goes into double digits. Now, before you grab all your stuff from her apartment and sneak out in the middle of the night, consider whether what you are feeling is logical.
Yes, your girlfriend has seen more dicks than you have and yes, I am sure she enjoyed most of them. Is what she did wrong? Well, unless she slept with the entire Jets football team, then no- honestly, if she slept with anyone on the Jets, you should let her go. The Jets? Really? Anyway, I digress.
Chances are that you have had just as many if not more sexual partners than she has. Does it make sense for it to bother you when you know that you have smashed more people than she has? No. Does that mean it won’t bother you knowing that she has slept with 24 dudes? If you care about her at all then it will bother you. They call it jealousy.
Jealousy is a healthy reaction in this scenario. The problem is overcoming the jealousy and continuing a healthy relationship. This, unfortunately, is not that easy.
It may ease your suffering to think about the fact that your list is longer than hers and to remember all those times that she told you that you were the best she ever had (this actually helps the most, at least it did for me), but chances are, if you truly care about her or even more so if you love her, thinking about all the partners that she has had in the past will never be a pleasant thought.
What it really boils down to is this. If you love her and can see yourself with her for the long run, then living in the past is something that you cannot afford. We have all done things in the past that we are either not proud of or regret entirely- you will never find someone with a completely clean slate; we all have baggage.
The closest thing would be dating a virgin, and who the hell wants to sleep with a virgin? They are completely lost in the sack. Love is rare- you aren’t likely to find real love more than a handful of times in your entire lifetime. If what you think you have with your girlfriend you believe to be real love, then focus on the person she is now, and not the person that she used to be.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel that you are on that level of emotional intimacy with your girlfriend and are really only with her for shits and giggles, then when you find out that she has slept with all her professors at college, run. Run and never look back. Run straight to the clinic and have yourself tested.
Paul Hudson | Elite.
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