We have all been there at one point or another. We fell for that one girl and loved her more than anything, but we were then faced with an insurmountable distance for reasons like a new job or a transition into college. Being the alpha male that you are, you most likely went head first into this long distance relationship and assured yourself you’ll make it work no matter what.
If you have been through a long distance relationship, we are sure you’re reading this with a grinch-like smile on your face right now, as you surely realize how terrible these things turn out to be. If you haven’t been through a long distance relationship, you should prepare to promptly flee the scene if this scenario is ever proposed to you.
Long distance relationships start out wonderfully, but eventually have a downward spiral that makes for some of the most gruesome experiences ever. No matter how stubborn you are and how confident she sounds, it just won’t work.
First and foremost, it’s best to begin by attacking the one factor everyone decides to pretend is a non-issue, but in reality is the biggest drawback. The distance is primarily why a long distance relationship generally will not work. Everyone always says, “we’ll be able to make it through the distance”, but 9 times out of 10 they won’t last 2 months. In the beginning it’s fine–the calls before bed, late night skyping, and constant texting–but it’s precisely those first few weeks in, when this process is becoming to repetitive, that the frustration starts taking over.
Once the frustration begins to build inside you, the fighting will increase. At this moment, your mind will tell you it’s not worth it anymore. You will begin questioning how you allowed yourself to make this decision that is clearly indicative of a lapse in judgment.
Because you and your beloved are so far away, there are massive amounts of unintentional miscommunications, especially via text messaging. At times, humor can be called attitude, and a serious message might be misread as sarcasm. It is just words on a screen, which makes it impossible to read into the tone of the message’s author.
In economics, opportunity cost is the amount you lose from one option when you decide to take the other. When you’re in a long distance relationship, your opportunity cost is inexorably high, as you lose out on any possible women you might acquire within your proximity. Your opportunity cost manifests itself each day in that cute girl you bump into every now and then, or that new intern that can’t wait to become a future home wrecker like her idol, Kim Kardashian.
When perpetually faced with what you’re missing out on by committing to this long distance relationship, you will eventually become miserable and question why this opportunity cost seems acceptable to you.
This type of relationship requires a tremendous amount of trust—a type of trust that our instant gratification society is incapable of honoring, which leads into extreme suspicion over irrelevant actions. Furthermore, your mind is apt to delude itself into believe the worst possible scenario in every circumstance. IE: Your mind automatically begins worry when she doesn’t answer her phone, jumping to the conclusion that she has been sleeping with another man, although she was simply asleep or busy.
Obviously, in each other’s respective locations, the two individuals are surrounded by their close friends. Usually, these friends will be complete against your brave efforts of holding onto a long distance relationship and will begin to convince you that you need to live a little and not be trapped in a terrible experience.
At first, one will brush these pitches off, but, after a while, reality begins to set in and you take those words to heart.
The stranger effect
Yes, you two routinely talk everyday on the phone and Skype all the time, but once you are reunited during a visit you two most likely feel like strangers to each other because of the lengthy duration of time you haven’t seen each other. This is what is called the stranger effect, and it creates an awkward and uncomfortable encounter. It almost feels like you guys just met again and you know nothing about each other.
This one is the killer. The amount of paranoia that is present during this long distance relationship is unbearable. The fact that you truly don’t know what’s going on the other side of that phone creates anxiety at dangerous levels unless you can truly place your trust in your partner which in todays world is highly unlikely.
This one is pretty much self-explanatory. You can only have so much Skype sex before you start craving the real thing. This is where you most likely acquire a mistress to try and hold you through—leading to an even bigger headache. You don’t want to waste the prime of your sex stage on holding it in.
Its plain and simple, long distance relationships simply do not work. It doesn’t matter how much you try to convince yourself that you two are different or capable of withstanding the odds that the vast majority could not. Your relationship is almost 99.9 percent likely to fail–and fail horribly. Not to mention the experience will negatively affect your mental well-being. Kim Kardashian has a better chance of being married for more than 72 days before your long distance relationship works out.
Don’t forget who warned you.