What The Underwear Say About Her

What The Underwear Say About Her
Gentlemen

You can tell a lot from a woman’s fashion choice – from her career to financial background and passions. In a world fueled by materialism, it is impossible not to judge a woman by her appearance. A woman’s choice of undergarment speak volumes about her personality.

Does she put comfort over sex appeal? Is that shy librarian exterior a ploy to mask her inner freak? Is she really a high-end escort posing as the sweet girl next door type? Pay enough attention and her underwear hold all the answers, now if only we could find an answer to how to get her to show us her underwear.

If you thought the skinny jeans and Louboutins spoke volumes to what she may be like in bed, try taking a closer look at the panties that hit the floor of your apartment.

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Elite.

  • 8. Bikini Bottoms

    Who wears them: Spring breakers, surfer girls, Marine Biology majors at UCSB   Similar to the girl who wears no panties at all, this girl clearly hasn’t done laundry in quite some time, but unlike the girl who goes commando, Bikini Bottoms Girl is actually concerned with not letting her ass touch her pants.   This raises a very serious question; what’s going on with her ass that requires her to protect it with a thick, spandex layer of fabric?  That’s a rhetorical question, of course, and if you’re ever been around Bikini Bottoms Girl you shouldn’t hang around long enough to ask those types of questions.   This is partially because it’s not any of your business, and partially because she might just be headed to or from the beach or a swimming pool; who knows. When it comes to a girl’s ass, you can never be too cautious.

  • 7. Booty Shorts

    Who wears them: The guy's girl, gym girls, sorority babes, and hipsters    Women who wear booty shorts tend to be versatile, just like their choice of underwear. Booty shorts are adorable and sexy, yet comfortable for the women in them.   In comparison, the type of girl you'll likely find in these are the sexy, sporty, borderline tomboys. The kind of girl that is equally as comfortable on a field or watching a game as she is getting dolled up for a night on the town.   She can chug a beer or hang with the boys but she also might be competitive athlete that can kick your ass in any game you choose.

  • 6. Granny Panties

    Who wears them: Your girlfriend after being twelve months into the relationship, unsuspecting women who failed to pick up their dry cleaning, women who have lost their self-confidence   Either she’s extremely comfortable with herself and her body or she is completely unmotivated sexually. The reason for her comfort and lack of sexual motivation?   She is in a committed relationship and doesn't feel the need to make an effort anymore. Meaning, if you’re the un-lucky son of a bitch staring at her granny panties you’re probably her boyfriend and the honeymoon is over!   Say goodbye to wild nights out and marathon jungle sex sessions. Gear up for endless nights of TiVo, missionary and lack luster hand-jobs.  

  • 5. Men's Briefs

    Who wears them: Women in three+ year relationships, sorority girls re-enacting Tom Cruise scenes from Risky Business.   Any hetero-girl wearing men's underwear for anything but pajamas might be a little off. These underwear belong to a boyfriend or she is a closet lesbian. Either way, she is probably not the kind of women you want to get down on.

  • 4. Commando

    Who (doesn’t) wear them: #OWS protestors, the Euro-centric beauties that don't shave   A women that goes commando usually falls into one of two categories; either she is super slutty and has no time for a process while getting naked, or she is really lazy and has no time for laundry.   This girl may spend so much time peeling off her pants and spreading her legs that she preemptively rid herself of one barrier between fast cock in order to speed up the process. That, or she’s “soooo tired” she couldn’t even get the grannies on for the laundromat.   Did you meet her at a laundromat? Either way, you wanna be careful when dealing with this one.  

  • 3. Thongs

    Who wears them: Since Sisqo "Thong Song" enabling a decade of women to embrace the thong; the undergrament choice has been a choice of a generation.   Seeing our first thong was as detrimental to our upbringing as finding out Santa Claus was not real. It's a FACT that any girl wearing a thong wants you to pay close attention to the assets she's inherited from her mother!!   She relishes the attention, that’s why she has on a thong, just like the douche bags in cut-off muscle tees who want you to admire their “guns.” Girls in the thongs are the type that love the attention of the opposite sex but don't want to tarnish whatever well maintained facade they project to the world.   Some may say that she’s just worried about showing a pantie line. I say, bullshit, she just wants to know we’re watching.

  • 2. La Perla

    Who wears them: Heiresses, settlement-mongering divorcees of men on the Forbes List.    Witnessing her pencil skirt drop to the floor only to reveal a few pieces of La Perla is like finding a Ferrari behind a velvet curtain. As the luxury choice of affluent women across the world, La Perla is a status symbol for the made woman.   Women don't spend their time buying tiny, uncomfortable, expensive underwear with the hope that someone might get to see her with them on.   If she brought them and she wore them she has every intention of someone admiring them. In fact, she wore them for that very reason.

  • 1. Agent Provocateur

    Who wears them: Girls with good taste and daddy's black Amex.   This is a winner.  Garter belts, lace and stockings signify that this lovely young woman has not only invested time and logic into arousing you, but she's also invested her money into make sure that she appeases your fantasies.   There's nothing more rewarding than seeing your valiant efforts pay off. The expensive dinners, chauffeured evenings and diamond encrusted Hermes belt are not in vain.   When a woman is equipped with firepower hiding under that De La Renta dress even the strongest man will begin to feel weak in the knees.

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Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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