If you are a male, at one point in your life you have been on the receiving end of a verbal volley of emotionally strained words. No, not the heartwarming “I love you” or even the spite-filled “go die.” I am talking about that malice-brewed concoction of “you are an assh*le.”
Those words coming off a recent argument, discovered lie or even a bad decision, raise a pretty important question: are men assholes? Now, being objective (no, wait, I know I am a male) leads me to believe we might have a big misunderstanding on our hands. Yes, there we go. We are just misunderstood. Actually, this has to stem from centuries upon centuries of not acknowledging a few simple facts.
We suck at expressing our personal feelings.
Mind you, we can talk about how much we hate the Mets, or hope that Obama gets trampled by an escaped Mongol herd just fine. These trivial aspects of our day-to-day fuel our anger, happiness and sadness.
We cry when our favorite sports teams win championships, laugh when Jon Stewart comes on TV, and roll our eyes at any political fiasco that occurs. Get put in a situation where you have to defend yourself to your significant other? Ouch.
I hate comparing it to a cornered dog, but damn it, we have no idea what to do. In these situations, you will probably see a man hesitate about five or six times a second. This hesitation is bolstered by years of fearing what not to say to a female. You can sit and call your best friend obscenities for hours on end (actually, that is usually a term of endearment amongst us barbarians, who you call males), but never, ever go for the ‘eye for an eye’ method of arguing.
The moment you do that, it’s over. Not only will she bring up your past failures, but your current ones coupled with insecurities, broken promises and so much more. It is ultimately a lose-lose in the sense that hesitating or countering are both going to get you nowhere.
Now, if we were able to test out this whole ‘expressing feelings’ thing outside the realm of your significant other, then we have a whole new ball game. I remember an ex of mine who made it a point to exaggerate me asking her “how she was feeling” or how “I felt.” That’s what makes a guy go “f*ck it.”
We don’t know how to handle a lie.
Mind you, lying is wrong. Well, wrong is a strong word. Lying isn’t optimal at times. That’s better. The problem with this whole lie thing is someone always finds out. It usually is worse if you lie to the supposed love of your life. And yet, our intentions are good and we feel bad.
Yes, you know there is more to the story when you start getting random bouquets of lilies every other Tuesday, or even when he decides to sit through a “Grey’s Anatomy” weekend marathon (that McDreamy though), but he is doing that for you!
He messed up and now he is making sure you know he didn’t mean it. Confront him, and he will have no idea what to say, but a broken record of blathers and “I didn’t do it.” Give the man some space and he will eventually come around and tell you that he really wasn’t at his mom’s, but at the strip club with his friends. Oh, I am not talking about cheating, because that is a whole other article on its own.
The moment he begins defending himself, you can’t start picking up his half-assed, on the fly, sweating-induced story. I don’t believe any guy every wants to hurt a woman. It all comes down to when to tell the truth, not never telling the truth.
We can’t admit a bad decision.
One of the biggest parts of the male-dominated culture we live in is that the man knows best. This is coupled with other ideas of the past, such as women should just be housewives, and there shouldn’t be equality in the workplace. Yeah, anyone reading this will probably tell you that men don’t know sh*t.
Actually, most people don’t, regardless of gender. The moment you screw up the trip to Maui or getting the malware off her computer (which was probably caused by you anyways), no one is to blame. Hey friend, just admit you screwed up. I know, you don’t want to look weak, but trust me, she will never let you live this down, outside of you finding a cure for breast cancer.
Decisions happen. Bad decisions happen a lot more. Hey, some girls like vulnerability and admitting that you were wrong will lead to happier nights. Ones where calling you an assh*le is not the status quo.
So, are those the three golden rules to what’s inside a man’s head? Heck no. Trust me, there is a lot more where that comes from. But, maybe seeing it from a guy’s perspective once in a while can lead to less “you are an assh*le,” and more “hey just be honest, you screwed up, we can talk about it.” Or something like that.
Ali Abouomar | Elite.
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