The Types Of Men Women Will Date Throughout Their Lives

The Types Of Men Women Will Date Throughout Their Lives
Gentlemen

There are two kinds of men in the world; the right one and all the wrong ones. Unfortunately, most women are going to sift through an unbelievable number of frogs until they find their prince. On the bright side, there is a silver lining surrounding this hot mess of a situation.

All of the men you will date throughout your life add a little something to your personality and perception of what the world has in store for you. Some will be complete assholes, others will be sweethearts. You’ll encounter everything from the man who’s genuinely fun to be around to the one who can be the best sex of your life.

More or less, all of them will teach you something in the end: what you want in a man, and what you should avoid for your own well-being.

Below are all the men a typical woman will date throughout her life:

The Christian Grey

Not the whole package of the Christian Grey character, just the most important part of it … his package. Also known as the holy-shit-he’s-totally-wrong-for-me-but-the-sex-is-amazing-guy. This guy will have you screaming the names of Gods you don’t even acknowledge. At the end of the day, you know the relationship isn’t actually going anywhere, but hey, a girl has needs.

This one is probably as dumb as a brick and generally has absolutely nothing to offer any woman except multiple orgasms (which is kind of a big deal). Still, you’ll stick around because you’ve never seen a more beautiful penis in your entire life. Good for you, get yours.

The Older Man

I blame this entire situation on George Clooney. There’s a certain wisdom and worldliness that comes with dating an older man. He’s experienced, stable, doesn’t play x-box and eat three day old pizza, and actually seems mature enough to be worthy of such a classy lady like yourself. He appreciates women, knows how to treat them, and you’re thinking that luck is finally on your side.

Then, the inevitable happens. You’re sitting across from him at dinner one night and realize “Holy fuck, this guy is my father’s age.” The shit hits the fan and you start noticing the little things that suddenly gross you out; like the grey hairs, wrinkles and saggy balls that unintentionally bitch slap you in the face every time you have sex.

The Youngin’

Yes, you’ll probably be drunk when it happens. Yes, it’s wrong. Yes, it’s great. Yes, you’ll likely do it more than once. Let me speak from personal experience and say that dabbling in the cougar club is not altogether a bad decision.

Contrary to popular belief, dating a younger man brings out a kind of youthful energy in you that you thought was long gone. Younger men are vibrant, playful, eager to learn, and surprisingly pretty fucking awesome to be around. But remember ladies, pick one that’s just on the cusp of legality; I don’t want to bail any of our loyal readers out of jail.

The Douchebag

We all love the quintessential bad boy, don’t we? Why all women, myself included, continue to gravitate towards these assholes is beyond me, but it’s a vicious cycle that is altogether unavoidable. Personally, I chalk it up to the thrill of the chase; you always want something you can’t have.

He’s going to be gorgeous, he’s going to have that perfect 5 o’clock shadow that sends tingles all through your lady parts, and he’s just counting down the days until he hurts you.

He’ll challenge you in more ways that you ever thought possible and undoubtedly make you question every decision you’ve ever made in your life. In retrospect every woman needs to date a douchebag or two so she can really appreciate a good guy when she sees him. Which brings me to my next point …

The Nice Guy

Say it loud, say it proud: friend-zoned! This is where I kind of start to see where men can think women are slightly bipolar. We cry about the asshole that hurts us, but we friend-zone any nice guy who actually cares about us.

The nice guy shows you how you should really be treated: he opens doors, lays jackets in puddles, and does all the other crap we see in movies and think should actually happen in real life.

However, we still see him as the lovable brother type that we wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. The biggest downfall with the nice guy is that women tend to keep him around as a back-up until he eventually gets tired of your shit and moves on, and only then will you realize that you may actually like him. PS- by that time it’ll probably be too late.

The Nerd

I’m not sure how many times I can say the same thing over and over again, but here it is: do not discredit the nerd. He’ll have a boy-ish innocence that you find charming enough to have a week-long fling with.  However, he’s too nerdy to take out in public, so you create a kind of “Hunchback of Notre Dame” situation and keep him chained up in your room.

Let me explain something to you, the nerdy guy is the smart guy. The smart guy is the guy who does well in school, eventually lands a great job, and inevitably becomes CEO of some huge company.

CEO means shit tons of money that you are now missing out on because you thought the nerdy guy wasn’t cool enough for you. Get off your high horse darling otherwise you might miss an opportunity to become a trophy wife.

The Pet Project

When normal people are bored, they find a hobby. When women are bored (and single) they find a lost cause and they try to salvage him. This lost cause is typically a guy who has the potential to be a catch but doesn’t know how to use what he’s got.

When a woman steps in, she teaches him how to dress, how to carry himself, etc. If you’ve never seen a romantic comedy, let me fill you in on what happens next. She’ll transform him into her perfect man and subsequently fall for him. To make a really long story short, the project is a combination of the nice guy and the nerd who eventually turns into the douchebag.

Closing Thoughts: I left out the most important guy a woman will ever date. That guy is Mr. Right. As I have had no previous experience with Mr. Right and have absolutely no idea where the hell he’s hiding, I can’t help you with this one; you’re on your own.

Gayana Sarkisova | Elite.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Gayana Sarkisova

A 20-something New Yorker who loves all black everything, sunglasses and the occasional glass (read: bottle) of wine. Has a bunch of fancy degrees from a bunch of fancy schools that she'll never use because it's a bloggers world and everyone else just lives in it. Self-proclaimed steak aficionado, chick flick enthusiast, advice giver and sarcastic commentator.

Original Video

Everything You Need To Know About Marijuana

Jesus has risen, but how high did he get? While Easter and 4/20 falling on the same day is most definitely a weird coincidence, it will also highlight a pretty important public opinion on what’s more important: weed or candy eggs? Sto...

More In Gentlemen

Gentlemen Austin Pourmoussa

Why You Should Never Judge A Woman Only By Her Appearance

As time progresses, generations seem to only become more superficial. Every other week we hear about some new fad diet, juice cleanse or skincare treatment. It’s completely acceptable for people to want to take care of themselves, as your outward appearance is a reflection of your own self-image. However, if you start getting carried away […]

Gentlemen Joe Welkie

Why Good Guys Need To Expect More From Modern Women

Living in New York has enlightened me to many things about the world. One, people don’t seem to give a crap about the homeless. Two, you can’t use a restroom in this city without buying something. And three, too many good men are settling for lesser women. Now, before you go off on your tangent about […]

Gentlemen Katie Doyle

5 Ways For American Men To Appeal To The Well-Traveled Woman

Boys: Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em… especially the homegrown American ones, as full of sex appeal as they might be. Luke Bryan, anyone? Even our “Super Bass” idol, Nicki Minaj, admits she’s “really got a thing for American guys.” However, their European counterparts are beating these local boys at many aspects of […]

Gentlemen Paul Hudson

The Lost Art: 10 Gentlemanly Acts That Men Need To Bring Back

There’s a myth that is perpetuated in the modern world: Gentleman can’t exist because women are capable of taking care of themselves. We all know that women can take care of themselves just fine. That’s not why men should be gentlemen. Men should go that extra mile for one simple reason: It makes (or at […]

Also On Elite

Humor

This Dog Seriously Can’t Get Out Of This Jacket Sleeve (Video)

While this video claims to depict a tiny dog getting stuck inside the sleeve of a jacket, I don’t know if that’s what’s actually going on. We never get a clear look at the dachshund in question, and as a result I’m hesitant to attest to the validity of the title. I say this because […]

World

Who Needs Machines? Watch 80 Amish Men Literally Pick Up And Move A House (Video)

The Amish community shuns tools like electricity and modern machinery, but that has never stopped them from completing heavy duty work. This footage taken from Spartansburg, Pennsylvania, shows 80 men literally lifting up a house and moving it onto a slab of concrete. In a further testament to their creed, and the nonchalance with which […]

Politics

What Year Is It? Belgian Newspaper Uses Insanely Racist Photo Of The Obamas

A Belgian newspaper messed up, big time. De Morgen printed this insanely racist photograph of President Obama and the First Lady as apes. The picture ran alongside an article that detailed the president’s visit to the Netherlands on Monday. In theory, the piece was intended as satire that bashed the president for the recent liberalization […]