Tonight is the night that the whole world rings in the New Year. Pedestrians everywhere look forward to this night as a means of starting over and making sure that 2013 is their best year ever.
Unfortunately, girls of the less conservative variety have a skewed view as to what starting the year off with a bang actually means. Some women take that phrase too literally and end up walking back to their apartment with their heels in their hand, crying to their ex-boyfriends on the phone before 3am.
Why do girls use New Year’s as an excuse to start over, and believe that doing so means having sex with a random male?
In Attempt To Compensate For Their Shitty Year
Girls have a different idea on what a shitty year actually is. Most women in Generation-Y have no idea what true hardship is. Not saying this is a bad thing at all, it’s great to not have actual reasons to be genuinely upset.
This becomes a problem when you ask a girl why her year was so shitty and she claims that she lost a best friend and that her boyfriend of four months broke up with her and that she’s six pounds overweight. How do girls solve these shitty issues? By making the same resolution that every girl does on New Years, have more sex, be bitchier, and lose weight.
These aren’t real problems, your life isn’t actually shitty, and having sex on New Year’s does not mean that your year will be any better or that you’ll be any skinnier anytime soon.
To Get Back At An Ex-Boyfriend
Speaking of guys breaking up with girls, many women will use New Year’s as a means of getting back at their ex boyfriend. They’ll wear their slinkiest, tiniest, most glittery ensemble and their highest heels in attempt of meeting someone new.
This girl hates her ex-boyfriend. He did her dirty, so she’s going to get back at him with a better looking, and better-equipped man. This is what we call hate sex nowadays. It’s completely vengeful and she knows exactly what she’s doing.
This girl will tell all of her friends that by doing that deed, she’s starting the new year right, she had already gotten back at her ex-boyfriend, and it’s all clear skies from here on out. You let us know how that works out.
To Get Attention From An Ex-Boyfriend
There’s another kind of single girl on New Year’s. Not the girl who is getting back at some guy but the girl who is genuinely heartbroken over the loss of her ex boyfriend. She will do whatever it takes to get him back, and of course, what’s a better way to get the attention of an ex boyfriend than with the company of another male?
They’ll drink too much on purpose, flirt way too much on purpose, take a picture with as many random guys as she can find, all in the hopes of her ex-boyfriend seeing the evidence, and coming back to her out of sheer jealousy.
Once again, you let us know how that works.
Girls Will Do Anything For A New Year’s Kiss
Finally, girls will do anything in their power to ensure that they have a New Year’s kiss. They’ll put themselves out there in an extremely obvious way to ensure that someone will in fact have their hands on them at midnight.
For some reason, kissing someone on New Year’s means that you’re accomplished. If you don’t kiss someone on New Year’s, you’re a failure. You’re guaranteed to grow old, alone, with your ten cats, wishing that you had a man like Ryan Gosling.
Something like that, right? I’m not an annoying female who believes that being single for a few months means that I’ll be ‘#foreveralone’, so I wouldn’t know.
Ally Sinclair | Elite.