Are Single Women Damaged Goods?

Are Single Women Damaged Goods?
Gentlemen
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Why is it so incredibly difficult to find a decent woman? I could understand if I lived somewhere rural and secluded like parts of Jersey, or Idaho- but I live in New York City. If I can’t find some proper, well educated, and self-respecting women here, I can only assume that I will have worse luck anywhere else in the world.

Don’t get me wrong- there are some beautiful women in New York, but they all share a common flaw; they are all damaged goods.

Now before all of you ladies reading this start writing me long emails complaining about how much of an asshole Mr. Hudson is, read through the entire article and see if you don’t agree with me. For a woman to be damaged she must have necessarily been undamaged at some point or another. You’re not born damaged; you become damaged. What is the cause of the damage? It’s obvious: all the men you have dated.

Whether all men are dogs or pigs is up for discussion, but the fact remains the same- women are doing just fine until they fall for a guy and get their heart broken. At that moment- or, to be more precise, after she is done crying with her girlfriends- she makes a decision, a decision that will change her more than her naivety allows her to realize.

She decides that she is going to be single, you know, “do her own thing”. Which, when translated, means that she is going to go out and get fucked up- very fucked up.

She decides that the best way to get over the guy that just dumped her is to blackout and wake up next to something she picked up at the nearest dive bar. This is what you ladies consider “finding yourself”? It seems more like you lost yourself and found a STD.

It would be one thing if after the walk of shame you ladies would sit down and come to the conclusion that finding yourself facedown in the toilet isn’t what you had in mind when you said you needed time to get to know yourself better. But it doesn’t end there.

It never ends there. Once the ball gets rolling, it keeps on rolling. Now you feel even worse than you did when you first became single- so now you need to go out again and get more shitfaced in order to forget how shitfaced you were the night before.

You’re damaged. This routine continues on and on. How do I know? Because I get the privilege of reading your diary- all of your diaries; they call it Twitter. “If anyone can remind me what I did last night, I would really appreciate it. And who’s handprint is on my ass? #SingleGirlProblems.” Well, you obviously stayed home last night and did some reading…

I am sure that this sounds like a dream come true to a ton of guys. They get to pick up a shameless girl and then never have to see her again once she sobers up. These are the type of men that damaged girls attract. You cannot find yourself a decent, respectful man if you don’t have respect for yourself. And don’t you dare go and blame us men for you being so damaged.

Sure, we may have been the reason for your original grief, but that is long gone- you yourself have managed to inflict damage way beyond the initial dent of heartbreak. Men should also stop and think before they sleep with these dysfunctional women.

Yes, sleeping with them will be a lot of fun, but if we continue to add to their degradation we will only be left with damaged goods. And what will we do when we actually want to settle down? Do you want Cindy raising your kids? The same Cindy that entered the wet t-shirt contest and the pudding wrestling match before throwing up her liver? Umm, no.

Women need to stop their single life cycle. If you are going to be single in order to grow as an individual- then stay single. Take walks, meet up with friends, or try to see if you can stand hanging out with just yourself. Sure, you can go out, meet some guys and have fun. But respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, then we won’t either. And then we all lose in the end #MarriedAndMiserable.

Disclaimer: This article was written for satirical reasons. If you did get offended in any shape, way or form then you most likely are a damaged good.

Paul Hudson | Elite. 

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Paul Hudson

A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. Currently located in Manhattan, Paul Hudson primarily devotes his time between writing for Elite Daily and a mining startup in Turkey. He loves sharing his life experiences with his readers and makes sure to practice what he preaches.

More In Gentlemen

Gentlemen Paul Hudson

9 Signs You’re An Old-Fashioned Gentleman In A Modern World

Being old-fashioned is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially when you add a bit of modern flare. I’m not one to respect or appreciate tradition, but some traditions – or beliefs on reality – are worth maintaining. Enter the modern-day, old-fashioned gentleman. He is the sort of man who takes only the best of the […]

Gentlemen Joe Welkie

The Real Reason Guys Cheat: As Told By A Guy Who Has Cheated

Cheating is bad. We all know that. We all know that it is a dishonest and hurtful thing to do to a person with whom you are in a relationship. Still, people do it without regard for their significant other’s feelings. They also don’t seem to care about the consequences, most of the time. How do […]

Also On Elite

Dating

14 Reasons Why It Might Be A Good Idea To Marry A Jewish Girl

A few weeks ago, Elite Daily brought you The 23 Qualities Your Jewish Husband Must Possess. It was well-received by all, obviously. But we’re not greedy. We Rachel Weisz’s and Natalie Portman’s of the world know that in order to snag an Adam Brody or Jake Gyllenhall — AKA a Torah-reading, vacation-loving and reasonably tall […]

Sports

How The NFL’s Lax Stance On Domestic Violence Is Ruining Its Reputation

Flags, flags and more flags. It seems the NFL has really started cracking down on nearly every penalty committed, except, of course, for one: domestic violence. Earlier this year, Indianapolis Colts defensive end Robert Mathis was suspended the first four games this season after it was discovered he had taken Clomid, a drug used to […]

Entertainment

Robin Williams’ Daughter Posts Heartbreaking Letter And Says Goodbye To The Internet

While the world publicly mourns Robin Williams’ death by sharing their favorite Williams movies, life lessons and quotes, Williams’ family requests their private time — including Williams’ 25-year-old daughter, Zelda. On her blog, Contrariwise, Zelda posts a long, grieving letter on behalf of her father. Zelda writes that her family has always been private about time spent together, […]

Humor

Legend Tries To Convince Prostitutes In Amsterdam To Pay Him For Sex (Video)

Prostitution has been an occupation almost as long as occupations have been a thing, largely because the concept is so simple: someone wants sex, another person offers it in exchange for something, and suddenly you’ve invented capitalism. Traditionally, the people paying for sex are doing so because they have trouble finding someone willing to do […]