Why is it so incredibly difficult to find a decent woman? I could understand if I lived somewhere rural and secluded like parts of Jersey, or Idaho- but I live in New York City. If I can’t find some proper, well educated, and self-respecting women here, I can only assume that I will have worse luck anywhere else in the world.

Don’t get me wrong- there are some beautiful women in New York, but they all share a common flaw; they are all damaged goods.

Now before all of you ladies reading this start writing me long emails complaining about how much of an asshole Mr. Hudson is, read through the entire article and see if you don’t agree with me. For a woman to be damaged she must have necessarily been undamaged at some point or another. You’re not born damaged; you become damaged. What is the cause of the damage? It’s obvious: all the men you have dated.

Whether all men are dogs or pigs is up for discussion, but the fact remains the same- women are doing just fine until they fall for a guy and get their heart broken. At that moment- or, to be more precise, after she is done crying with her girlfriends- she makes a decision, a decision that will change her more than her naivety allows her to realize.

She decides that she is going to be single, you know, “do her own thing”. Which, when translated, means that she is going to go out and get fucked up- very fucked up.

She decides that the best way to get over the guy that just dumped her is to blackout and wake up next to something she picked up at the nearest dive bar. This is what you ladies consider “finding yourself”? It seems more like you lost yourself and found a STD.

It would be one thing if after the walk of shame you ladies would sit down and come to the conclusion that finding yourself facedown in the toilet isn’t what you had in mind when you said you needed time to get to know yourself better. But it doesn’t end there.

It never ends there. Once the ball gets rolling, it keeps on rolling. Now you feel even worse than you did when you first became single- so now you need to go out again and get more shitfaced in order to forget how shitfaced you were the night before.

You’re damaged. This routine continues on and on. How do I know? Because I get the privilege of reading your diary- all of your diaries; they call it Twitter. “If anyone can remind me what I did last night, I would really appreciate it. And who’s handprint is on my ass? #SingleGirlProblems.” Well, you obviously stayed home last night and did some reading…

I am sure that this sounds like a dream come true to a ton of guys. They get to pick up a shameless girl and then never have to see her again once she sobers up. These are the type of men that damaged girls attract. You cannot find yourself a decent, respectful man if you don’t have respect for yourself. And don’t you dare go and blame us men for you being so damaged.

Sure, we may have been the reason for your original grief, but that is long gone- you yourself have managed to inflict damage way beyond the initial dent of heartbreak. Men should also stop and think before they sleep with these dysfunctional women.

Yes, sleeping with them will be a lot of fun, but if we continue to add to their degradation we will only be left with damaged goods. And what will we do when we actually want to settle down? Do you want Cindy raising your kids? The same Cindy that entered the wet t-shirt contest and the pudding wrestling match before throwing up her liver? Umm, no.

Women need to stop their single life cycle. If you are going to be single in order to grow as an individual- then stay single. Take walks, meet up with friends, or try to see if you can stand hanging out with just yourself. Sure, you can go out, meet some guys and have fun. But respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, then we won’t either. And then we all lose in the end #MarriedAndMiserable.

Disclaimer: This article was written for satirical reasons. If you did get offended in any shape, way or form then you most likely are a damaged good.

Paul Hudson | Elite.