The 10 Things Men Need To Realize In 2013

The 10 Things Men Need To Realize In 2013
Gentlemen
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

It’s 2013 and men should start acting like it. Women have continually proved themselves to be your equals, yet you continue to subjugate them by both overt and subtle means.

Whether it’s telling women to cook more, imagining that they’re the only people who take selfies, thinking going down is a one-way street or somehow imagining that drinking too much alcohol is a means of sexual consent — you need to shape up. No more of this powerpuff boy sh*t.

You’ve got problems, we all do; so why don’t we take this Spring season as a period of rejuvenation? Let’s make new and start by cleaning out any remnants of misogyny that still linger in your lives. Times have changed and gentleman have to realize it, otherwise you’ll keep us all in this rut that we’re stuck in.

10. It isn’t the year 1950

man-cooking-elite-daily

Here’s a 2013 revelation, women don’t live to serve you. We’re not going to welcome you home with an apple pie and a foot massage, if you’re nice, maybe a blowie (but #It’sAboutReciprocationBro). Despite your best effort, we’re people now too. We can vote, we have rights, we work – we’ve even had our own sexual revolution, so cut the sh*t and get with it. Learn to cook for your own damn self. Leave your Good Housekeeping expectations at the door. Try this whole self-sufficient type thing for a while and see if you can manage on your own. And yes, a woman will appreciate a man who can pull his weight. So shut the f*ck up and make her a sandwich.


9. No more dick pics

dick-pics-elite-daily

Quit snapchatting pictures of your penis, it’s not a good look. And if having it in your hand(s) isn’t making it a bad enough comparison, your full body reflection is doing you absolutely no favors. Objects in the mirror are even smaller than they appear. So don’t give your future ex-girlfriend even more ammo by sending her these dick pics. Snapchats aren’t really deleted and you’re not hung like a horse. Cock selfies are so 2012.


8. Manscape your downstairs

sus-boys-elite-daily

Not a suggestion. First off, the lack of the bush will make it look bigger. Aside from lengthy aesthetics, it’ll make it a whole lot more appealing for the head game. No one wants a face full of fro when they’re trying to deep throat. Want to get your boys some play? Make sure they don’t look like koosh balls. Remember those? Disclaimer: don’t use a razor; invest in a trimmer or anal/perineum sensitive veet.


7. Walking on the street isn’t license for sexual harassment

catcall-elite-daily

Surprisingly, a woman on the streets wearing shorts isn’t dying for your comments. She doesn’t need your, “Damn ma,” whistles, slow licking of lips or inappropriate fondles. She probably doesn’t need you slapping it on the train to her face either. Just a thought. Sexual harassment in any capacity makes women feel uncomfortable, there’s a fine line between flirtation and harassment, usually that line is if you’re hot or not. But don’t take any chances, leave your witticisms and hand gestures off the street this year.


6. It isn’t a race, but women would like to win it

duck-cake-elite-daily

Don’t finish until your girl has (or your man or whomever it is you’re doing). Pace yourself. Try and last longer than 10 seconds. The female orgasm isn’t a mysterious, unachievable feat, however much it has eluded you. She knows what she’s doing; so let her tell you. The orgasm gap is currently 3:1 in men’s favor, don’t be a selfish lover. Give, give, give. You’ll only get, get, get in return. A satisfied girl is a powerful ally at 3 a.m. two weeks from now.


5. Having a penis doesn’t make you funny

ashton-kutcher-elite-daily

(But it makes you funny looking, zing!) As hard as it is to believe, and as much as science has seemed to support it, men are not born with some inherent genetic mutation that has somehow made them hilarious. You’re not that funny and you’re not that cute. A circle of guys guffawing at your idiocy doesn’t credit you with humor, it just proves the herd effect. I mean maybe you’re funny, but chances are if your opening line includes a semi-serious reference to your bulging member, you can shove it in your own damn ass.


4. Don’t lie about your intentions

hayden-elite-daily

I know you think promising a girl the world is the surest way into her panties, but it’s also the surest way to get yourself a stage-5 clinger and a scathing review on LuLu. It’s 2013, women have proved themselves capable of casual sex, if you’re not looking for anything big, find yourself a companion with similar feelings on the situation – and make sure she’s not lying to herself either. A man who is honest about his objectives can leave with no guilt and no strings. It’ll help you and her in the long run.


3. Your sex life will never be a porno

wavy-cake-elite-daily

Unless you’re f*cking in a porn, you’re not in a f*cking porno. I know your dream is to bang a big-titted blow up doll moaning how big your cock is and how she loves it in all her holes at the same damn time, but most girls won’t appreciate a vindictive facial without a “close your eyes” warning. Violent porn, where you ram a bitch, might be your fantasy (f*ck it might even be hers), but chances are a little hair pulling and ass slapping are her limits. That girl below you (on top of you or on the side of you) is real, so remember she’s got feelings too and have sex in a way that accords and mediates between both of your preferences.


2. Learn your oral etiquette

eating-box-elite-daily

Be a polite recipient. Don’t push a girl’s head down. I think she knows you want a blowjob. Also, let her know when you’re about to bust. Give her a towel or a napkin to wipe her face. If she goes for the kiss (which is not something all girls do by the way, some of us want to wash off the taste of you too), don’t push her face away, either man up for the peck(er) or be polite about the mouth wash. Also, return the favor, after you go down a girl (equal to, if not more than she has gone down on you) don’t give her your juicy lips unless she asks for it.


1. Let go of your unicorns

unicorn-girl-elite-daily

I know that Kate Upton poster on your wall gives you all sorts of hopes and aspirations, but there will always be a Ray-J that hit it first. You’re probably shooting way out of your league anyway. It’s cute to have fantasies, but sometimes the reality will get you off much faster. Your dream girl is what she will always be, a dream – a wet, wet dream. I’m not saying settle, but don’t pass up on something truly great in the search for something impossibly perfect.


Bonus: The location of the clitoris

clitoris-diagram-elite-daily
Share Tweet
React

Kgazm

Kgazm is an advocate for the equal opportunity orgasm. She is the persona of a woman who knows what she wants. Her writing specializes in eviscerating the double standard, one article at a time.

More In Gentlemen

Gentlemen Joe Welkie

Why Good Guys Need To Expect More From Modern Women

Living in New York has enlightened me to many things about the world. One, people don’t seem to give a crap about the homeless. Two, you can’t use a restroom in this city without buying something. And three, too many good men are settling for lesser women. Now, before you go off on your tangent about […]

Gentlemen Katie Doyle

5 Ways For American Men To Appeal To The Well-Traveled Woman

Boys: Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em… especially the homegrown American ones, as full of sex appeal as they might be. Luke Bryan, anyone? Even our “Super Bass” idol, Nicki Minaj, admits she’s “really got a thing for American guys.” However, their European counterparts are beating these local boys at many aspects of […]

Gentlemen Paul Hudson

The Lost Art: 10 Gentlemanly Acts That Men Need To Bring Back

There’s a myth that is perpetuated in the modern world: Gentleman can’t exist because women are capable of taking care of themselves. We all know that women can take care of themselves just fine. That’s not why men should be gentlemen. Men should go that extra mile for one simple reason: It makes (or at […]

Gentlemen Paul Hudson

10 Things Men Need To Start Doing To Become Gentlemen Again

The world works in funny ways. I blame it on mankind’s zealous oversimplification of complex problems. When we discover that a part of our culture is flawed, if we find that the way things are is not ideal, we label it as wrong, making a 180-degree turn in the opposite direction. Take, for example, the […]

Also On Elite

Entertainment

The 15 Ways To Embrace Big Boobs According To Kate Upton

If you have big knockers, you know it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. There are many problems that can arise from hosting two huge lumps of fat on your chest. (Sorry, but that’s exactly what they are.) You can’t ever find a bra that actually fits, bathing suits are a struggle, and good f*cking luck […]