The Playboy’s Playbook: The Post-Date Hook Up
Well hello there. Glad to see you're back again. I hope you enjoyed your weekend, and maybe even incorporated some of my tips into your dating game. As we progress further into The Playboy's Playbook, you might start to see a pattern of how I like to do things. Generally speaking, when it comes to dating I try to act confident, relaxed, classy, and a bit edgy.
To be honest, a lot of these moves should be pretty obvious to most people, but I feel that the guys out there have really lowered the bar quite a bit; so when I suggest that a guy calls to initiate the convo instead of texting, this really shouldn't be a groundbreaking idea. It's like taking a class with a bunch of football players—simply complete the reading and show up and you'll look like an all-star.
Hold the door, say please and thank you, smile and ask questions, make her feel special, let your date walk in front of you, pick up the check, offer to walk her home—just do the right thing fellas.
Last week I promised to tackle the uncomfortable but necessary topic of the first date make out, so lets just get right to it. I have a lot to say on this topic, and you might disagree with my methods, but it's how I operate and get it done. I've been on dates where the vibes weren't there or it was the wrong context and I wouldn't even think about the makeout, and others where I've had so many signals to get in there that my date would be offended if I didn't go for it.
You want it to feel right and not forced, so if you're thinking about it too much, I recommend just focusing on your date and your environment and see where that takes you.
Disclaimer: The following assumes that the first date is the first meeting between parties, or if you've met before the date, that bodily fluids have not yet been exchanged. Basically, if you're still in college, see ya next week…
There are a lot of options for the first date make out, so timing is everything. If the date is going well, meaning the convo is flowing, I'm getting a lot of IOI's (indicators of interest), and the seating arrangement is conducive for some intimacy, I'll go in for the mid-date make out (if its feels natural). I love this move—it lets both of us know that there is an attraction and allows everyone to relax a little bit which is what we all need to do on a first date.
Don't force it, but if you're feeling it, go for it—sucking face in the bar is a super classic move (I changed this because it's not classy – but it is classic). Hey girls, nothing wrong with grabbing the guy's face and laying a wet one on him; trust me, he'll like it.
Since the former doesn't happen all that often, I'm usually thinking about the make out as we are heading out of the bar. Again, it's all about the timing, but I really like to go in right as we walk out of the bar. It's spontaneous, she's not expecting it, and it's not being built up in either of our heads during that uncomfortable walk to the end of the block to look for a cab.
But if you don't have it and it's a busy block and a little too bright, don't force it. I gave this tip to my newly single buddy, thinking it would be a good weapon for his arsenal, but he took her to a bar that exits directly into a parking garage that's lit up like a dentist office, so he wisely let it go.
If the post-bar make out got away from me, I've got some real maneuvering to do. If I'm walking her home (remember, you picked a spot close to her apt.), then I might have a doorman to contend with, so I hope you were listening when she told you were she lived; stop a block or two short and make your move.
If I'm walking her to a cab, do I go in for the kill before I hail a cab or afterwards while holding the cab door? I want to make sure I can take at least a lap or two around the totem pole, and I don't want some cab driver yelling at me while I'm doing my thing. There is no point in adding any unnecessary distractions or variables so just keep it simple and don't rush the cab.
If you're trying to get yourself invited upstairs for coffee or get your date back to your apartment, the only advice I'm willing to offer is to plant some seeds early on—meaning you should have a reason to move things to a more comfortable environment, such as a dog to meet, a great bottle of wine you just picked up, or some other extracurricular activity to partake in together.
Some might be wondering if you should always try for the make out or to move things along, despite how the date went. The answer is no, and the make out isn't the main goal or the end all be all, but it does give insights into her personality and communicates how she's feeling.
Even when I'm on a bad date I'll try and turn nothing into something. I was on a not-so-great date a few months ago and wasn't all that into her, but I still thought I could get something out of it. To her credit, she offered to split the check, and even though I knew I would never see her again, I paid. When we walked outside and said goodnight, I thought I had earned a little make out sesh, but only got a peck, and being the persistent one, went in again and had the same result—I wish I could have gotten in my DeLorean, gone back 15 minutes, and agreed to split the check (not really, but sort of). Yea, it's a 1 to 1 kind of thing; I thought I earned it.
So there it is: a structural framework to close out your date. Final note to the ladies: send a thank you text the next day. Just do it. That being said, I have some girlfriends who have told me they've had guys text them the night of the date or the next day thanking them for going out and saying how much fun they had—never in a million years would I do that.
This is The Playboy's Playbook, not amateur hour. When to text to set up the second date (if you're lucky enough to get there) will be covered in subsequent articles, so don't you worry about that.
And fellas: even when you have a stellar first date, totally play it by the book with the calls and the texts and the make out, it's okay if it doesn't work out. You'll at least have improved your text message game and got to laugh about the awful bar you went to. We endure. We carry on.
Join me next week as we try and avoid the second date slump.
Until next time, just do the right thing,
Date Master Dan
Top Photo Courtesy: Inside Strange Garden