The Playboy’s Playbook: The Top 13 Ways To Kick Her Out Of Bed On Sunday Morning

The Playboy’s Playbook: The Top 13 Ways To Kick Her Out Of Bed On Sunday Morning
Gentlemen
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

The challenge isn’t getting her home; it’s getting her to leave.

It’s safe to assume that most guys go out at night with the intention and desire to meet a nice girl and bring her home. Don’t, however, start high-fiving yourself and doing a victory dance the second you’ve got her in your apartment.

bridesmaids-movie-quotes-50_large

If you live in a big city, you’re a potential target for a bridge-and-tunnel or an out-of-towner who doesn’t want to stumble drunk into the train station at 4 a.m. and just needs a place to crash for a few hours before catching that train to wherever they came from.

Was it a little too easy to bring her home? Do you remember where she lives? Unfortunately, it sounds like you’ve become the sexless inn-keeper. This happened early in my career and it’s quite frustrating. You think you’re on a roll, sucking face at the bar and in the cab, and you get her home just in time to get your hand smacked away and for her to pass out horizontally on your bed, with jeans on.

“Hey, why did you even come home with me? Oh, I get it…this f*cking sucks.”

you-suck

Only redeemable aspect of this encounter is that she felt comfortable enough to go home with you, so at least she doesn’t think you’re a serial killer or a rapist. Kudos to you!

Regardless if you did the deed, chances are she’s sleeping over. Even if you didn’t bump uglies, there is zero chance she’s leaving your apartment and she fully expects you to cuddle and start spooning…again, this f*cking sucks.

youguysstill_zpsb9f41ab4

Whether you got to know one another in a biblical sense, or you only played landlord for a few hours, getting her out of your bed might be harder than getting her into your bed.

MorningGIF

The top 13 ways to get her out of your bed are a surefire way of guarding against a morning lingerer and can ensure a few decent hours of sleep in the morning.

1. Get Up To Go To Work

warden-s-morning-routine-o
Doesn’t matter if it’s a Saturday or a holiday, take a shower and put on a suit. Shaving makes it even more believable. Key here is to actually walk her out, take a lap around the block then go home.


2. Go To Church Or Temple

tumblr_m8do7xrJIG1qf8btso1_400
You’ve suddenly become spiritual after a night of debauchery.


3. Play Dead

let_me_die_weeping_misha
She wakes up early, thinks you’re still sleeping so she leaves. DO. NOT. MOVE. Don’t mistake the bathroom door closing for the front door and think you’re free.


4. Say You Have To Attend A Funeral

tumblr_meh8bg9pTy1rnvwt1
F*ck karma…


5. Parents Just Called…

tumblr_m7v73ryIBA1qlimo5
…And surprised you by coming into town — they will conveniently be here in five minutes.


6. Set Your Alarm As Your Ringer And Pretend There’s An Emergency

aLKPnR6_460sa
No stay right there! I’m coming to you!


7. Ouch! A Bed Bug Just Got Me

tumblr_m5nd6xAsye1r9yx0d


8. Tell her she’s the first girl you’ve been with since breaking up with your boyfriend

throw you out this window

9. Grab Your Stomach

tumblr_mhjz3ikVHY1qf9mevo1_500
Tell her your bathroom is broken and you need to go to Starbucks to take a sh*t.


10. You promised to help a friend out by driving her to the abortion clinic

Orihime2


11. Dutch Oven

tumblr_mejrq1NTuC1rv5zh8o1_500
If she can’t stand the heat, hopefully she’ll get out of the kitchen.


12. Tell her your girlfriend is coming over and she has to leave immediately

punch_face


13. Pretend that you don’t remember her name

tumblr_mb8jbdrnDS1rwzsbso1_400

Top photo courtesy Tumblr 

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Date Master Dan

Date Master Dan is a 29 year-old bachelor living in NYC with his rescue Golden Retriever, Stanley. As the eldest of three siblings (brother and sister), he knows the inner-monologues of girls and guys alike. Dan is an active guy who enjoys skiing, rock-climbing, and grilling at his infamous Beer-B-Q’s. He likes live music and good company to share in it. And above all, he’s an expert when it comes to mastering the dating scene.

More In Gentlemen

Gentlemen Dan Scotti

5 Scientific Reasons Why Guys Who Cuddle Are Healthier And Happier

Cuddling is a pretty stellar activity. It usually involves a nice, comfy bed. You’re usually with someone you care about. And there’s probably a television somewhere in your proximity. Not to mention, it almost always segues into either sex or sleep, sometime soon after. This is why I don’t understand why cuddling carries with it […]

Also On Elite

Ladies

3 Ways To Be More Open And Stop Feeling So Cold Towards Love

The realization hit me like a brick after the plans had been made, when backing out was no longer a viable option, but an assh*le move. That knowledge turned to slight terror, as I group-texted my girlfriends frantically: “SOS. How does one go on a date?” The question garnered a myriad of responses, ranging from a string of […]

Humor

Little Boy Absolutely Cant Enough Of The New ‘Avengers’ Trailer (Video)

“The Avengers: Age of Ultron” comes out early next year, and while many superfans are excited to watch the film, there’s one person who’s probably more excited than anyone else: This young boy named Wesley. Wesley’s father, Dustin, was showing his wife the trailer for the film and was surprised to find that the young […]

TV

The Trailer For Lifetime’s ‘Aaliyah: The Princess Of R&B’ Biopic Is Finally Here

Today we are blessed with the first trailer for Lifetime’s Aaliyah biopic, “Aaliyah: The Princess of R&B.” Nickelodeon star Alexandra Shipp will play the eponymous role in the film based on Christopher Farley’s book. However, it is important to note that Aaliyah’s family is vehemently against this film and did not authorize any of Aaliyah’s […]

Motivation

Why It’s Important To Love Your Life In This Hateful World

I hate this world, but love my life. Yes, it’s a very simple statement. Pretty easy to comprehend, right? I hate this world because when I wake up in the morning and read the news, I get frustrated. I get frustrated that the news seems to be the same as yesterday and the day before […]

Dating

10 Real Differences Between Being In Love And Loving Someone

It took me a very long time to learn the difference between being in love with someone and actually loving that person. I learned the hard way, the very, very hard way. Hearts were broken repeatedly over the years, and although I wish the pain could have been avoided, the experiences taught me more than […]