Why Your Jewish Girlfriend Is Better Than All The Other Fish In The Sea
Now that the Jewish men of the world have gotten their time to gloat, it's time to give credit to the gals who started it all: Jewish women.
In this day and age, most men are aware of the mysterious allure of Bar Refaeli and Mila Kunis (yes, she really is Jewish), but what about the millions of other hot Hebrew ladies?
Although sometimes we get a bad rep for being a bit more on the aggressive side, what Jewish women lack in bashfulness is surely made up for with some attributes that aren't found elsewhere. As fellow Jew Drake says, “A little attitude problem all good; it'll make the sh*t last.”
It's time to break off a piece of challah, fill up a glass with Manischewitz and make a toast to the girls you will want to bring home to your mother one day, especially if you're a future doctor or lawyer with a good hairline.
Here are the reasons why JAPs (Jewish American Princesses) are the perfect girls to wife up:
There really is nothing better than some matzah ball soup on a cold day, and coming from a line of Jewish mothers and grandmothers basically ensures that these girls know how to make the basics from scratch.
If the way to a man's heart is really through his stomach, then some schnitzel, gefilte fish and homecooked brisket should do the trick. Besides, we're the only one's with access to Bubbe's best recipes.
Growing up with a Jewish mother definitely led to some daily passive aggressive — and borderline obsessive — musings on their daughters' appearances. Getting the mere “suggestion” from mother dearest to pluck eyebrows or somehow tame wild hair has left behind some moderate anxiety about looks. In short, we know how to clean up nicely — especially if we know potential Jew-boos will be within a 10-mile radius.
I admit that this may sound like a negative trait at first, but if you spin it the right way, you can fully understand the positive side to extreme pickiness and a taste for luxury. High expectations equal high standards. If a Jewish girl decides to settle down with you, consider yourself a non-shmuck.
You know that horrible first date nightmare where you're afraid you have something stuck in your teeth the whole time? Not to fear, the brutally honest Jewish girls are here. Something we can also thank our mothers for is an inability to lie — cue Jewish guilt. Sometimes it may seem harsh, but honesty is vital to any relationship. Plus, you get used to not asking for an opinion if you don't want to hear an honest one in return.
Not even supporting any stereotypes here, but Jewish girls know how to hunt down a bargain faster than the “Duck Dynasty” family can make foie gras. They won't waste your money — that's what Daddy is for! Just kidding. Sales are some of our greatest joys in life, but we are I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T women who don't need men to cash in (although gifts are always appreciated).
For 20-somethings, Jewish anxiety is the new Jewish guilt. Although she may worry about what you eat and if you're warm enough, a Jewish girl is just preparing to some day be the best mother she can be. If you're a Jewish boy, you know very well that no one compares to your mother, even if she does worry about you incessantly. Treat us right, and your future little Bar or Bat Mitzvah-bound babies will be raised the right way.
Talent and Beauty
Like I mentioned before: Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli and Natalie freaking Portman. Need I say more?
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