Women are clever and creative creatures, and often outsmart their male partners in various situations in order to get what they want.
As my Slavic mother always told me when triumphantly scheming behind my father’s back; female cunning surpasses male understanding any day.
Men rule the world, but as long women remain in control of the male mind, I will always believe the true master of the universe is secretly female.
I have been hesitant to write this article, as I somehow feel like a traitor to my own gender by giving up this ancient, top-secret intelligence women have used since the dawn of mankind to manipulate the opposite sex. Then again, the knowledge of these tactics doesn’t necessarily mean men will suddenly become invulnerable to them.
By catering to men’s deepest caveman-like instincts like physical force, pride, hunger, the will to hunt, the desire to provide and sexual urge, the possibilities can seem endless as to what women can make their men do for them.
The cleavage -tactic
Tool: A Wonder-bra
I have always wondered if the male obsession for breasts just comes from being well fed as babies. Has anyone ever conducted research pertaining to whether or not homosexual men were just bottle-fed?
Nonetheless, to the women who learned to use this body part to their advantage, I say: Great insight! Whether a woman is naturally gifted or needs some help, cleavage is always appreciated amongst men of all kinds.
It’s nearly impossible for a man not to drool just by thinking about a pair of breasts, to the point that they’ve banned cleavages from the workplace because it leaves them too distracted to actually do their jobs.
In other words, if a woman wants to distract her man from an uncomfortable issue, she just has to unbutton once (twice for very serious issues) and she should be in the clear in a matter of minutes. Think Kate Moss, though, rather than Ice-T’s wife, Coco.
Damsel in distress-tactic
Tool: A pair of big, blue eyes
Every man dreams of being a knight and stepping in to defend a young maiden from danger. By taking advantage of this universal fantasy, a woman can make a man handle some problems she’d rather avoid.
Having an inherent drive to protect and help at any given time, a special instinct will click in a man’s brain whenever he sees a desirable woman in distress.
Men like to help as this gives them a sense of being “needed”. So regardless if the problem is a flat tire, a light bulb that needs to be changed or protection from scumbags on a night out, there is always a guy with chivalrous aspirations to assist a helpless woman.
Men even take pride in teaching business and how to advance in a career, so a girl can basically enjoy a hot builder/mechanist/bodyguard/career coach free of charge, and all she needs to do is give him a pair of admiring eyes and a warm hug, stating that “she wouldn’t know what to do without him” in return.
Yes, I might be retarding equality between the genders by still applying the “Damsel in distress-tactic”, but I honestly think it’s for the best if we just let men be men in situations of this nature.
The Hot Meal-tactic
Tool: a steak, a stove and a sexy apron
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. As old as this statement is, it still rings true to this day. Once you provide a man with some good food, he will now associate you with the feeling of being fed and taken care of by his mother as a young boy.
A smart woman knows that a fed man is a happy man and vice versa, so a woman shouldn’t even dream of discussing any pressing topics or shopping suggestions before dinner is over and her man is comfortably leaning back in his chair with a content smile.
By serving him a great steak, remembering the right sauce and adding a bottle of wine, a man will soon be sweet as a teddy bear. That’s when she can move in the troops.
Playing hard to get- tactic
Tool: Good PR
Contrary to male belief, playing hard to get is actually not too easy for a girl, especially if she’s truly interested and afraid that the male suitor might end his chase after one wrong move.
But a woman who gives it up too easily (for a man she likes) knows that the price she’ll have to pay afterwards might be even bigger: no longer being the foremost topic of interest of her desired man.
Prudery is outdated, and I personally believe you can control a man with sex, rather than not giving it up at all. But even men agree that if the hunt is too easy, they’ll grow bored faster than a gold digger spends money.
It’s a slippery slope to deal with, but there’s a solution: if a woman gives “the impression” that she is hard to get and only dates A-guys, then she can sleep with the man of her choice when she personally feels like it.
By marketing herself like a superior product and building mystery around herself at the same time, she can create a vision that a guy who dates her is punching well beyond his weight class.
In his mind he’ll think that he just caught the perfect prey, and she doesn’t have to slam the door in her date’s face when, deep down inside, she just wanted to be carried into the bedroom.
The Drama- tactic
Tool: Pandora’s Box
Boredom continues to plague hopeful couples every day. It’s boredom that forces them to break up, cheat, and even marry. Boredom is an intellectual cancer and is sure to develop once the honeymoon-phase is over if the correct measurements are not taken.
By adding a little drama and spice, women can make their relations passionate again. Women pick fights, go on random PMS trips, and question and nag in order to restrain relationships from becoming routine and dull. This is necessary for keeping things fiery, mysterious and exciting.
A guy once said to me, “You’re so irrational, and it’s so sexy,” so I’m positive that men (perhaps unknowingly) see the necessity of these emotional roller coasters and schizophrenic attacks just as much as we do. As long as they’re not too frequent and are followed by makeup sex, that is.
Anna Madsen | Elite.
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