It’s Valentine’s Day week, a holiday unto itself – love is saturating the air, flowers have quadrupled in price, vibrator batteries have been changed, Nicholas Sparks’ brings another “The Notebook” clone and, worst of all, the side chicks are running around like chickens without heads.

It’s as if Valentine’s Day brings the same emotional discovery that Santa isn’t real – or he just left while they were sleeping.

Love is bridled by monogamy. And it’s unnatural, as both men and women have innate proclivities to spread seed and legs. We all cheat. We all have mistresses, booty calls and side chicks just to distract us from the main squeeze we’re already bored of. It’s human nature, and especially realized in Gen-Y nature, to bore quickly – and so we venture to side booty.

Some side chicks understand exactly what they are and know their place in a man’s life. But as we all know no matter how much women try to fake it, it is impossible for them to have emotionless sex. Any girl that is a side chick can pretend to ride it out and act like there is no label on the relationship she has with her man, but around the time of Valentine’s Day week things tend to sour.

Valentine’s Day week brings a series of self-actualizations. Your girl is forced to reconcile with herself who she is to you. She might come to the shocking revelation that she’s a side bitch that you’ve used as hole and care nothing about. She might come to the conclusion that the misery of your relationship derives from its lack of label. Either way, she’s thinking about it.

We’ve all been someone’s side bitch: man or woman. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum as I think it’s an art to get a girl to cheat on her boyfriend and I also maintain many side bootys for fear of banging the same girl for too long. It is human nature, so can you really blame me?

Side chicks are side chicks and their name reflects their purpose. On the side. But sometimes it’s better if they don’t know their exact coordinates. Why ruin a good thing and tell them you have a girlfriend? Deny until you die, and if she ever does find out — oh it’s just a crazy ex that won’t go away.

It works, sadly, because women are so broken nowadays and have had so many shitty relationships that they become blind to the fact that they are side chicks – even worse, some accept it and just think of men even worse than they already did — oh well.

Valentine’s Day sucks for side chicks. The happy, oblivious little bubble they’ve been living in might just be popped. It’s a week filled with uncertainty. Should they complicate things? Will he make a move? Will they accept a displaced Valentine’s Day on Tuesday or Wednesday rather than Thursday – never to realize it’s because he has to spend the day of with his real girlfriend?

Eating in a restaurant last night, I had initially assumed I was seated next to a couple, only to realize it was a man and his side booty. He was apologizing to her because he had to work on Valentine’s Day. He was lubing her up with red wine, he hooked her up with a sweet table and even promised her a trip to Cabo in March – which he will, in turn, tell his girlfriend he is working during.

Yes, we men are pigs. We love side booty because the more options, the better. When we were younger we didn’t stop at one video game, no matter how much we liked it, we had to have them all.  Everyone knows Monday to Wednesday is side booty date night with scrambled excuses as to why Thursday is off the table.

And women believe us, because they’re stupid and oblivious. They think not spending the day together is better because there is no label and they don’t want to complicate things or push you away — when, in turn, it only works out better for men as we fly under the radar.

They do it to themselves. They allow men to use them for sex. While they convince themselves they’re into casual sex, we get away with our side booty. This week is the worst for girls with no labels: sides and strippers. It’s like the refresh button for side bootys, either they move on or long stupidly for their man on the romantic day while he is on a “business trip.”

Preston Waters | Elite.