I hear it nonstop: girls in their 20s complaining about how they are single. They can't find a good man; they are going to die alone, and they just don't seem to understand why.
Let me give you a little point in the right direction: You are single probably because you don't have the right attitude about dating. From what I've seen in my time being single, a lot of girls in the world think dating is a one-way street where guys need to put in all of the efforts.
If you think that, you are wrong. You wouldn't believe how many girls on their online dating profile have these ridiculous standards for the men who message them:
"Say something witty to impress me." "You better be above 6' tall if you want a shot with me." "I bet I can drink you under the table."
Allow me to address each of these individually. There are numerous other examples, but absolutely no one on earth has time to address all of the craziness that is online dating.
"Say something witty to impress me."
The majority of the women I've seen on dating websites have something like this on their profile.
Ladies, I'm going to clue you into something: I don't know who you are. When you say, "say something creative," or "say something that will make me laugh," we have no idea how to do that.
I just swiped right on you because I thought you were attractive. I am going to message you something to the effect of, "Hey, I see we've matched on here. I'd love to get to know more about you."
You know why I say something like that? Because I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU! How am I supposed to know what you're going to find funny or what will impress you without knowing who you are?
Even if I do say something in an attempt to impress you, I feel like that would come off sounding super douchey: "Yea, I can bench press my body weight"; "Hey, I've performed comedy with Tom Green before"; "I can eat a whole watermelon."
These sound like desperate attempts to impress you; they sound pathetic. And who knows? Maybe you hate Tom Green. Maybe you're allergic to watermelon. I don't know! Give the guys a little slack.
"You better be over 6' tall if you want a shot with me."
How about, "You better have DD boobs if you want a shot with me?"
Oh, that's disgusting, shallow behavior. For as much as I've read about how vain guys are and how men hold women to impossible beauty standards, this stipulation in a lot of girls' profiles is just that: vain, shallow and superficial.
What happens if you meet a really great guy, and he is genuinely your type, but he just doesn't meet your height requirement? Oh, well, screw that guy. He deserves to be turned down because he is shorter than you want.
Now, I'm not saying you can't have standards or preferences, but if you're going to hold men to those standards, don't complain when men hold you to standards, as well.
"I bet I can drink you under the table."
Who cares? Ladies, I'm telling you this right now: No one cares. If a guy is on the fence about a girl, seeing this on her profile isn't going to make him think, "Wow! I need to get on that! She can drink men under the table, and she's broadcasting it to every man on this dating app/site."
If you think that is an attractive quality and that guys think it's a cool thing you can do, you need help. Also, if you drink every guy under the table anyway, you probably have a problem.
Plus, why would you even try to do that? Are you intentionally trying to emasculate guys? Congratulations, you've out-manned a man. You know who finds that attractive? No one. What's next? Are you going to talk about how you can bench press more than him? Talk about how your penis is bigger than his?
Worst of all, the thing that infuriates me more than anything is the women with zero social skills. Now, at this point, maybe you're thinking, "Hey Joe, maybe that girl isn't interested in you." You could very well be right.
At that point, feel free to tell me and other guys, "Hey, I'm not interested." I've gotten to the point where I'll be messaging back and forth with a girl 10 to 15 times. I've asked all the questions; I feel like I've got her life story and this girl has failed to ask me anything about myself.
Here's a real-life example: I was messaging with a girl, and I must have asked her about eight questions, but she was giving me nothing. Again, if she wasn't interested, why'd she swipe right? Also, why didn't she just say so?
Why did she have me continue to ask question after question after question? Anyway, I digress. After the eighth question, I decided to ask her out on a real-life date. This is how it went:
Me: "Would you maybe want to get together and hang out sometime?" Her: "Maybe." Me: "What can I do to persuade you?" Her: "Try harder."
Keep in mind, at this point, she had asked me ZERO questions, knew nothing about me and she was telling ME to try harder. The guy who had kept the conversation going -- I needed to try harder. I think the ultimate "hard try" is asking you out to an in-person date.
Ladies, remember, conversations are a two-way street. If you look at your feed with a guy and all of his messages end in a question mark and all of yours end in a period, you aren't doing your part.
Facilitate conversation if you are interested; if you aren't, don't make a guy continue to question you. That's just a waste of everyone's time.
I understand that being a woman on a dating site or in the dating world comes with its own unique set of problems. I get it; you don't need to get up in arms about how guys comment on your bodies and you get unwanted catcalls. We've all heard about that.
This is just from the perspective of a single guy, trying to date. Now, you can read this and think, 'Wow, f*ck that guy.' Or you can read it, look in the mirror and really ask yourself, "Am I doing any of the stuff this guy is talking about?"
I'll be honest: I'm not alone in these sentiments. I'm not the only guy out there who is frustrated trying to "impress you" or being emasculated by you. It's unnecessary, and it can easily be fixed if you are just open to accepting constructive criticism. Work on yourself, and you'll find cool guys who aren't jerks.
Part of the reason you are single is because you won't acknowledge you have flaws that need to be worked on. Despite what people are telling you, you aren't perfect just the way you are; no one is.
If you keep reciting, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," and you think it gives you clearance to act like an assh*le whenever you want, then guess what? You're an assh*le, and no one wants to date you.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
