Where The Hell Are All Of The Men In NYC?

Where The Hell Are All Of The Men In NYC?
Ladies
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

It’s safe to assume that the most logical explanation is that all the men in New York City are either married or gay; when we all know that’s not necessarily the case. Quite frankly, if they’re married and that much of a catch, just because there’s a goalie in the net doesn’t mean you can’t score.

However, the married men, like the single ones, are losers. More often than not these are the choices women have: has a job, has a personality, decent looking; pick two. Unfortunately, the problem with men these days is that they believe all women are not “wife” material. The reality of the situation is we’re not wife material because you’re the furthest thing from a real man.

A real man is considered an endangered species in New York City. Let’s review the evidence shall we:

If they don’t claim they’re gay, they might want to review their qualifications for the “perfect” woman. Case in point, most men these days like women who love sports, play video games, wear sneakers, and have tattoos. Based on the evidence, it seems like most men want other men. You can’t expect to attract a real woman when you want her to be one of the boys.

To add fuel to the burning flame (pun intended) men don’t know how to treat women anymore. Let me drop a real life example on you: I went on a date recently where the guy asked me for two dollars so he can shoot a game a game of pool. Then he looked at me like I was crazy when I threw five bucks on the table and left.

Needless to say, when he went home to tell his beloved boys about it, I was inevitably labeled a bitch. The truth is, a man who asks a woman for money on a first date, whether it’s a quarter for the meter or $50 dollars for the bill, is the biggest bitch out there.

This next reason is truly my favorite. New York has an unprecedented amount of men that can literally be considered human valium. If you’re lucky enough to find one with an actual job who isn’t so ugly that you want to poke out your own eye with a fork at dinner, chances are you’re going to use that same fork to cork your ears.

Or on the other hand, if they’re fun and good looking, they’re most definitely a “starving artist” living above Chinese restaurant. Who can forget the last option: no job, no personality, no looks, but you go out with them anyway because “you never know”. No, I do know. I know that one of us isn’t making it out alive from that date.

Moving on, men like women that are fun, spontaneous, and like to enjoy themselves. However, they are quick to label us sluts when we go out and try to do so. No my dear, we’re not damaged goods, we’re doing the one thing we can do to get away from the harsh reality that being alone for the rest of our lives is better than being with someone like you.

The saddest thing about men these days is they’ve taken all the fun out of things that women find sacred. I understand the whole maintenance thing is good, but if you go with a woman to get your nails or eyebrows done, you need to be euthanized.

And on that note, if I see another “man” with red bottoms I’ll euthanize myself. Men have become so consumed with metrosexuality that they may as well grow vaginas already so we can go for a couples Brazilian.

Closing thoughts: Today’s men need to get back to what has actually made them men in the past. Be chivalrous or just buy a hammer and nail something to a wall. Also, if any men are reading this and thinking “that’s not me, I’m a real man” my name is right below, email me.

Gayana Sarkisova | Elite.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Gayana Sarkisova

A 20-something New Yorker who loves all black everything, sunglasses and the occasional glass (read: bottle) of wine. Has a bunch of fancy degrees from a bunch of fancy schools that she'll never use because it's a bloggers world and everyone else just lives in it. Self-proclaimed steak aficionado, chick flick enthusiast, advice giver and sarcastic commentator.

More In Ladies

Ladies Zoe Zorka

9 Ways Finding A Partner Is All About Having The Right Sales Pitch

I’ve never considered myself a salesperson. I have sold gym memberships, used cars, slushies, IT services, beer and more used cars. But, I’ve never truly enjoyed the sales aspect of my work. I was watching “Shark Tank” the other night and a contestant was trying to sell the sharks on her product, a dog food […]

Ladies Kateri Wozny

Better With Age: 10 Pros And Cons Of Dating An Older Man

George Clooney and his new wife, Amal Alamuddin, are the talk of the town. But, it’s not all good things, as there’s also talk about their “bizarre” age gap: him 53, her 36. In fact, a Boston Globe report went a step further to chart Clooney’s age difference history with previous girlfriends, the average being […]

Also On Elite

Envision

Model Walks Around With A Giant Hashtag In Stunning Time Lapse Of NYC

New York City is just one of those places that will always be trending. What’s not to love about the Big Apple?! Sure, there are probably a few things at the top of every New Yorker’s list, including the stinky summertime streets, the overcrowded subways and the fact that it’s impossible to find a Chipotle […]

Politics

The Secret Service Let An Ex-Con With A Gun Ride An Elevator With Obama

The Secret Service allowed an armed ex-convict to ride in an elevator with President Obama earlier this month. The extreme violation of Secret Service protocol took place when the president visited the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta on September 16 to develop a response to the Ebola outbreak. The security contractor’s criminal […]

Sports

Move Over Marshawn Lynch, DeMarco Murray Is This Year’s Beast Mode

As a lifelong Philadelphia Eagles fan, it pains me to write this. Even as my fingers brush against the keys to type up this piece, it feels as if my body is on autopilot; my heart is certainly not in it. It’s definitely a dark day when I find myself giving props to a member […]

Humor

Reading ‘Anaconda’ As Spoken Word Poetry Doesn’t Make It Any Classier (Video)

Popular music isn’t typically known for its introspective lyrics and experimental production because when people are trying to have a good time, they tend to avoid songs about overlooked crimes against humanity performed in 11/4 time. Instead, they tend to gravitate toward songs with nostalgic samples, sexually charged lyrics and even racy music videos. Nicki […]