The 5 Definitive Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Going To Make It Down The Aisle
They say love is blind, but dating makes you keep those dark shades on for a bit longer.
You may have found a person you dig spending time with, can slightly envision a future with and love more than any other person you’ve ever met on Tinder, but how do you know if your relationship is solid enough to make it down the aisle?
Well, the first thing you need to do is to really look at what’s going on between the two of you.
Just because every day you spend together makes you feel like you’re little kids again flirting on a playground, doesn’t mean your foundation will be strong enough to keep things steady when the world around you begins to shake.
Simply put, you have to acknowledge the problems that already exist in your relationship (because every relationship has them) and see if they’re big enough to keep you two from potentially getting hitched.
As a professional bridesmaid, I’ve found myself watching and learning from many couples who have hired me to be their bridesmaid.
I’ve had brides confess that they are getting married for the wrong reasons, and I’ve watched couples have screaming matches with each other seconds before they walk down the aisle.
If working as a bridesmaid for hire for three years has taught me anything, it is that not every relationship should make it down the aisle.
So here are five easy ways to know if your relationship is never, ever going to make it to marriage.
1. There are 99 problems.
When you’re assessing the problems your relationship has — inability to compromise, fights over one of you always getting drunk, a general lack of respect — really look at how big the list is getting.
Can you write down so many problems that you’d need a six-pack of couples therapy sessions to get them sorted out? Or is the small list of problems you have so deep-rooted (like trust issues or a past affair) that you don’t think you’ll ever get over them?
While every relationship has its list of things both people can work on to make it stronger, some problems are heavy enough that they’ll enough suffocate the entire relationship.
You’ll know a problem is too much for your relationship and for a future marriage if you start to resent your partner for it. Why would you want to enter a marriage with a person who makes your blood boil over something they did, didn’t do or said in the past?
Either head to couple’s therapy before deciding to tie the knot or take a step back and have the conversation that needs to be had about the kinds of things tearing you two apart — and potentially making the relationship come to a complete stop.
2. Trust doesn’t exist.
You have to trust each other — that’s the simple truth of any relationship. If one of you is constantly thinking the other is banging their co-worker, consider a wedding a big waste of time.
Why? Well, without trust, you’ll find yourself constantly stressing out over every single action the other person takes, thinking they didn’t do what or go where they say they did.
Imagine if, on your wedding day, you get paranoid that they’re secretly making out with one of your bridesmaids in the bathroom, and you spend the whole night wondering if that’s really happening.
Yes, it might sound crazy, but that’s what will happen if you marry someone you don’t trust.
3. You can’t agree on the BIG things.
Perhaps you and your significant other have no problem picking out where to go for dinner or what kind of sheets to buy for your bed, but when topics get serious, neither of you can agree on anything.
These bigger, more serious topics might include whether or not to have kids, religion, where you stand on politics, where you’ll settle down and if you even want to get married at all.
Being on the same page about the big things early on shows you’ll likely move through life without having any major hiccups when it comes time for those big decisions.
But if you can’t agree on the big things now, they’ll come back to haunt you when it’s time to really settle down together.
4. Everything is temporary.
Your infatuation with your partner may keep you feeling like your head is in the clouds, but look down at reality for a second.
Have either of you truly shown interest in commitment? Have either of you talked about the future — moving in together, planning a vacation or where to spend the holidays?
Perhaps your relationship isn’t what you thought it was and, instead, is way more causal and temporary.
If it’s temporary, you’ll start to notice that six months out, your calendar is mostly empty, and any plans you want to put on it seem to be shot down by your bae.
It may seem scary planning trips or even buying tickets to a concert with each other for months out, but if you are with the right person (AKA someone you feel comfortable and secure with), you won’t be swarmed with anxiety over whether or not you’ll make it to that future date.
Plus, if you can’t talk about the future together (like moving in with each other down the road and etc.) then how the heck can you plan to spend the rest of your life with that person?
5. Parental guidance is lacking.
A blaring red sign that you won’t be heading to the altar with your partner is a lack of parental support. Do your parents dislike the person you’re in love with?
If so, find out their reasons. Chances are, they have a valid point about your relationship, and you’re too stubborn to realize it.
So when your parents are clouding your mind with a list of reasons why the person isn’t “the one” for you, take a step back and see what their intentions are.
Do your parents not like your partner because of hearsay only, or are they rolling their eyes at them because they have reasonable doubt and have spent time with them?
Filter their concerns and don’t disregard the ones that are serious, like your partner’s potential lack of ambition, the rude way they might treat you or their discomfort with chatting about the future with you, my dear.
The best relationships I’ve seen are ones where the couples may not have the most in common, but they respect each other, trust each other and, most importantly, listen to each other, even when one person is in the middle of a ridiculous temper tantrum.
Either way, before you pop the question or accept the question “will you marry me,” take a good look at your relationship first, and make sure it’s foundation isn’t cracking.
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