Many guys enter relationships only to become increasingly desperate to make them work. Be it a low self-esteem or just desperately trying to prove their love for their newest gal, failed attempts to rectify a doomed relationship only leave girls questioning why they said “Yes” in the first place.
The mistakes men make are not necessarily triggered by the fault of their girlfriend; these mistakes are the product of their own negative qualities. If you understand the basic mistakes a desperate guy makes, then you will better understand how to avoid these sorry guys in the future.
Some guys’ qualities are distinctively different before they enter a relationship, so it might be hard to spot their true desperate character prior to becoming their girlfriend. You should be cautious: while their faults are prevalent, you may want to be kind so as to give them a chance to fix their erring ways.
For the self-conscious, the relationship is a serious act that deserves perfection to the point that us girls only wind up feeling forced into some robotic conversation where everything needs to be just right. They become focused on some vague ideal, and only push us away because they are so afraid to make a mistake. This, in itself, is a HUGE mistake.
Here is how you can avoid the mistakes a desperate guy makes in a relationship:
He is just way too nice
Girls will forever complain that they are simply looking for the “nice guy” instead of the regular jerks the always seem to encounter. But there is a distinction between a nice guy that is good for you, and a guy who continuously pushes the envelope only to seem like the nicest Saint you have ever met.
A guy who is excessively nice will waste his graciousness when his favors become redundant ad nauseam. You will even find yourself taking advantage of him. His niceties soon turn into subservience and he will seem more like your butler than the personality you once loved. The guy simply cannot say no. He is even willing to go 10 minutes out of his way to buy you tampons, the prime example of his overbearing character.
The unfortunate reason behind this behavior is that he is scared. Rather than hold an opinion he will do anything to pamper a relationship he fears he will unduly ruin should he say no to you.
Your best bet is to do something purposely. Not to be a prima donna who asks for outlandish gifts, but persistently demand or do something that annoys him. You are not looking for an explosion here, but a small hint of free-will. If he does not break he will probably never change his ways.
He is in constant agreement with everything that you say
When your boyfriend is too nice, he will probably also agree with everything you think or ask. This extends into loyalty: if you are in constant disagreements with others, he will immediately position himself on your side. Even if YOU know you are wrong. For example, he might even go to a steakhouse if you suggest it when he is clearly a vegetarian.
At this point, his position as the house dummy with you playing ventriloquist is only getting worse. The best thing you can do is demand that he decide on his own for once and see if he replies with something you would not say. If he does not, it is safe to say your man is either experiencing low-testosterone or has been completely castrated.
He is very eager to meet your friends and family
It is nice when a guy wants to introduce you to his friends and family. But if he is setting up introductions on day two it is clear he is seeking satisfaction from you and others instead of giving the relationship time to satisfy yourselves. No matter how close you may be with your family, there are appropriate times and places to meet with them.
If you happens to be hanging out at his family house of course you must introduce yourself. But if you have been dating for only two weeks and he wants you to come to dinner with his parents and little sisters so you can “finally” meet them, then it is a little concerning seeing as you have only been with him for a short time.
Even considering his friends: there is a difference between him bringing his friends out to a bar while you bring yours, and him inviting you over for a guys night at his best friend’s house. If he continuously pushes the topic of his friends and family on you by asking you what you think of them, then you will eventually feel alienated by his odd concern for your opinion on the people in his life.
If his friends’ approval is what is important to him and you find yourself beginning to change in order to get along with his friends, there clearly is an issue in the relationship. Relationships start between you and him, to have the input of all others in what should be a personal connection. So if the arbiter of your love is mom holding both your hands as you walk to Sunday mass on day 3 of being with him, you guy is making some major mistakes.
He overstays every visit
Overstaying a visit can occur on any occasion you two find yourselves together, either an overnight stay or even a quite night out alone.
If you two have an overnight visit early on in the relationship it can be an immense strain on your comfort zone: your space is suddenly his space, and he does not know any boundaries. He will leave things he picked up in different places, destroy your bathroom toilet, and annoyingly ask to be fed every two or three hours. Him sleeping over will soon be worse than any future mother-in-law sleeping over could ever be.
He may even stay for successive nights when your initial offer was one quick overnight visit. Even when you give him nothing short of smoke signals to leave he plops on your couch and ruminates the prospect of spending a third night over. When he overstays his visit, he is clearly giving off a signal that he always needs to be by your side. You two are clearly not married, and this relationship just started. This is not okay!
Your best bet is to lay down the boundaries lucidly so he knows exactly what the expectations of his visit will be. If you do not want him to stay over, let him know why–maybe you have work, or just like to sleep alone. If your friends are having a girls night out, let him know you are busy and that you can see him before dinner.
If he is overbearing and does not understand, you may need to rethink your tactful approach. Or drop him altogether.
He calls and texts you excessively
If your boyfriend feels the need to text you updates as to what he is thinking every waking moment, then you clearly have a problem. It is comforting when a guy likes to hear from you throughout the day, but there is no need for him to have a virtual gps tracking of your whereabouts and actions.
We sympathize with a guy that likes to talk to their girlfriend, but soon you will get frustrated that every call or text seems to come from him.
This also applies to social media: if every status update is “@you” then you will quickly be embarrassed by a blown up Newsfeed detailing every “I love you” or “holding hands at the park” that bears your tagged cognomen. If you’ve been dating for a few days and you are already in a relationship on Facebook and his last three profile pictures include you, consider de-activating your Facebook now. Red flag!
It should also concern you when a text conversation with you trumps the NBA Finals or a UFC fight with his guy friends. If you are in a long distance relationship where face-to-face contact is rare, this is understandable. If the constant talking is bothering you, you should let him know you can’t text at certain times because you really are at work or that your dad saw your phone bill and flipped out. You should also be cautious that you do not begin to regret hearing from him, an initial sign of a bad relationship.
He’s already talking about the future
If after two months he’s already discussing the vacations you two are taking next summer, you should consider asking him to take a step back. What guy brings up the future that early? It is cute if he really sees your relationship making it that long but if you just began dating and you immediately are talking plans in a year or god forbid marriage, then you need to seriously have a talk with him and tell him to slow things down.
It is creepy when a guy sees a future for your relationship too early on. Sometimes guys say these things thinking it is something you want to hear–make sure you let him know that you plan on taking this relatively slowly with him. That way, he won’t get ahead of himself. Exception: if the trip he is planning is anywhere outside of the Untied States, especially the Caribbean, consider it!
Elite.
