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I'm Not Just Looking For Love, I'm Looking For Someone Who Can Keep Up

We are all looking to fall deliriously into the tranquil sea of love, right?

With vast hearts open wide, we dutifully search for that one person who attains the fierce ability to knock the broken wind out of us and breathe new life into our tired, painfully strained limbs.

Love is a peculiar thing, isn't it?

It's seemingly impossible to define using something as simple as words for tools, for love is active.

Words are still, and love moves.

Every girl has a different vision of what love should look like, however, we are united in our collective craving for this elusive, difficult-to-express-without-sounding-like-an-eighth-grader's-LiveJournal-entry thing we call LOVE, right?

As girls, we are told to view love as an impossibly pretty image of a white picket fence in an affluent suburb. There are supposed to be visions of business suits and perfectly coiffed children in our heads.

Girls are supposed to boast a multitude of Pinterest boards made up of puffy white gowns. Girls are supposed to be hopelessly lost in an endless daydream depicting that pivotal wedding day from the time they are just eight years old.

Girls are supposed to go weak in the knees at the simple thought of a sparkling diamond ring that will forever bind them to another entity for the rest of their lives.

But what if your dreams are more about exploring the great expanse of the universe than they are about making a down payment on a home in a gated community?

What if you don't care for diamond rings? What if you instead prefer dangerously deep water blue sapphires? What if you look better in the color black than you do in the color white?

If this is the case, then you are a girl like me.

There are many of us wildcats roaming around the city, but we are rarely represented.

We are the adventurous souls that are craving the steel arms of love as much as the next girl (even the most cold-blooded vixens among us black sheep covet love), but our vision of love is so very different from what society tells us love should look like.

We are the untamable ladies who have a visceral reaction to the idea of playing house until the end of time. We are longing for real stability and true companionship — but on our own terms.

Love is more of a complicated game for those of us independent creatures of the night. As much as we want it, we don't want it at the expense of our careers, ambitions and, most importantly, freedom.

We are the girls who don't want to settle into love. We want to rise in love. We don't want to fall in love. We want to f*cking soar in love.

Because love by itself isn't enough to sustain an adventurous, restless spirit.

Dreams of weddings don't tug at our heartstrings; embarking on colorful adventures and immersing ourselves in fascinating cultures is what plagues the surface of our brains late in the night.

Wild girls, you are not alone. I hear you, I see you. I am you.

Because I'm not just looking for a partner; I'm looking for a partner in crime. I'm not just looking for love but for someone who can keep up with me.

I don't want someone to stand still with me; I want someone to move forward with me

My greatest fear is that I will stop growing. I never want anything to put a screeching halt on my personal progression.

I see so many relationships in which two people fold into each other so deeply, they have no room in which to expand.

The pressing comforts of love lure them into a cozy little underworld where two formerly ambitious people simply stop trying.

They stop trying at work. Stop trying with their bodies. Stop trying in the bedroom. Stop trying with their friends.

While I crave the feelings of being comfortable with another human being, of letting my guard down and attaining intimacy — I don't want that comfortability to metamorphose into complacency.

I want to be with a person who wants to perpetually move through life, not just remain forever still, stuck in the shackles of a mundane, safe routine.


I don't want someone who lets me win; I want someone worth fighting for

I don't want someone who lets me win every argument in order to make his or her life easier. I want someone who cares enough about me that he or she thinks I'm worth the fight.


I'm not looking for someone to clean me up; I want someone who thinks I'm a beautiful mess

Life isn't clean; it isn't as perfect and organized as our perfectly organized apartments.

Life is beautifully messy. I want someone who embraces my imperfections and thrives in the whirlwind of life, rather than just fights against it.


I don't want someone to hear me; I want someone to listen to me

I crave a real connection. I crave a connection that cuts deeper than just kind, simple words. I don't want someone to tell me only the pretty little things that I want to hear.

I want someone who listens.

There is an acute difference between hearing a person and listening to a person. Hearing is on the surface — anyone can easily hear another entity spew words.

Listening takes effort. Listening is connecting. Listening is collaborative. Listening is looking into another person's eyes and allowing the words to not just process in your ears but resonate in your heart.


I don't want someone who is exactly like me; I want someone who brings out a different side of my personality

I don't ever want to date a carbon copy of myself. I understand how I operate.

I want to be with someone who is different. Someone whose strengths complement my strengths because we look at life from acutely different angles.

I want to be with someone who inspires me to explore all of the untapped parts of myself I didn't know existed. How could I do that with a person who functions exactly like me?


I don't want someone to settle down with me; I want someone to go on wild adventures with me

I have an instant reaction to the word “settle” — a pain instantly surfaces in the deepest pit of my stomach.

Why would I ever want to settle for anything?

I've always been the sort of girl who not only has big dreams but has the ability to bring all I desire into fruition. I know how to bring illustrious fantasy into a stone cold reality.

To me, love isn't about settling; it's about adventure. It's about finding that person who has the guts and ambition to travel the world side by side with me.

Just because you fall in love doesn't mean the thrill and the endless wonder of the massive world has to stop. In fact, wanderlust should only escalate when you're fueled with real lust.


I don't want routine; I want passion

I don't want every day to be exactly the same. I don't want to have the same conversations over the same meal every single night for the rest of my life.

I want a blazing passion that sparks a fire within me. I want to be with someone who makes my heart skip a beat and whose touch attains the ability to light up my entire body.

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Zara Barrie

Staff Writer

Zara Barrie is a senior writer for Elite Daily. She's consumed by style, sexuality, women, words, fashion and feelings. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Zara Barrie is a senior writer for Elite Daily. She's consumed by style, sexuality, women, words, fashion and feelings. She identifies as a "mascara lesbian" and lives beyond her means on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

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