Getting over exes is nearly impossible. You can block them on social media, delete their digits and avoid any and all places you might run into them.
But in the end, none of that will matter. Where there's a will, there's a way. This means that no matter how much you try to erase them from your thoughts, they will find a way to show up again.
I'll be the first to admit that sometimes, I find myself getting all nostalgic and weepy over ex-boyfriends I haven't spoken to or seen in a year or two. I sometimes wish we were back together, laughing at our inside jokes and pretending that our relationship was really good.
The problem is, in doing so, I forget about the times it was actually pretty bad.
Since most of us don't have any effective ways to really kick our exes to the curb, I figured I'd ask the people who truly know how to get that job done.
By the way, those people are never friends. Friends give the most biased and sometimes useless advice when it comes to getting over someone you deeply loved.
That's why I asked five psychologists about the tricks they have for getting over an ex in 30 days or less.
1. Date Yourself
There is a philosophy called 'dating yourself' that is a perfect mindset for anyone to have if they want to get over their ex. Essentially, 'dating yourself' is where you treat yourself how you would want or expect a significant other to treat you. This can include things like giving yourself a bubble bath, buying yourself flowers or treating yourself to a nice night on the town.
– Jennifer Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery
2. Get busy.
It takes about a month to form new neuropathways in one's mind, so the best thing to do is to get busy and pack your day with activity. Most people sink into depression when a relationship ends. This is especially true for the person who was left. Doing things YOU like to do with other people will lift your mood and distract your mind from ruminating about the relationship. Exercise is always a great bet. Clearing out clutter is also a great way to feel better fast. Tackle that closet, drawers in the bathroom and even your car! You'll feel a sense of accomplishment and recharge. Another great thing to do is get away. Plan a weekend jaunt with friends to a place that will feel great, and go. Look at the next 30 days, and write a list of things you would like to do that you've been blowing off. You're free, so go do these things. In 30 days, you'll be reconnected with yourself with a fresh perspective on the relationship and a fun new life.
– Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC based licensed neuropsychologist and teaching faculty member at Columbia University
3. Live and learn.
Learn from the past. Stop and take stock of what's changed in your life since you began that relationship. And don't forget to ask yourself things like, 'What did this relationship teach me? What parts of it worked? What parts didn't work for me? Did I have a role in the negative? Is there something I can do to change that in the future?'
– Dr. Erika Martinez, licensed psychologist
4. Think of what you won't miss.
Yes, breakups are like trauma that can be healed quickly. It's common to go back and forth from missing your ex to being angry. The problem is, your brain can't start putting this in the past unless it understands that your ex was not ALL GOOD or ALL BAD. You job here is to pair the things you WILL miss about them – when they pop into your mind – with the things about them that you WON'T miss.
– Dr. Paul DePompo, ABPP and author of the book, “The Other Woman's Affair”
5. Surround yourself with people who love you.
Don't isolate. You don't have to go right out and date again – in fact, I suggest going slow with that – but you should have a social life with friends and family. Even if you don't think you feel ready to see people, see your closest friends and spend time with them. They'll help you heal, and remind you that you still have people who love you.
– Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of "It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction"
