Remember The Good With The Bad: Why Your Relationship Wasn’t As Perfect As You Remember It Was

Remember The Good With The Bad: Why Your Relationship Wasn’t As Perfect As You Remember It Was
Ladies
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

When we look back on relationships, we go through a couple of stages. The first involves hating or resenting everything about the past relationship in question; dwelling on the reasons it didn’t work out, kicking ourselves for time wasted and mistakes made.

But eventually, we make it to the stage of moving forward. At this point, girls try tricking themselves into thinking that by dating other people, any notions of missing an ex will disappear, and all will be as it was. Usually, this isn’t the case. Usually, when we try dating a new guy, we inadvertently drudge up feelings of disappointment from the initial breakup.

At this point, some of us will go back to our exes and either plead for forgiveness for having broken up with them or restlessly tell them how we’ve changed. Others of us will continue on our self-destructive paths of dating new guys. Regardless of your choice of path, neither option will yield the significance of your broken relationship.

So, why does this happen? Why do we commit ourselves to this self-destructive cycle of missing an ex and trying to ameliorate the situation by replacing him? It’s simple: We don’t remember events absolutely. We glorify the good and brush the bad under the rug. While this positivity and happy grasp of nostalgia can be a much sought after quality, it’s important to also remember the bad so that the chance of relapse is unlikely.

Forgetting the bad aspects of a relationship is counterproductive because in working so hard to replace an ex, we often manage to trick ourselves into forgetting why the relationship ended. We start to believe that he was the sweetest guy we ever knew, when in reality, he was kind of a jerk to our friends. But in the end, none of this really matters. None of these new replacement guys will replace an ex until we learn to remember the times when we were unhappy, embrace that the breakup was productive and stop comparing every new person to the good stuff we had with someone else.

This doesn’t mean letting go of all the times that he made you smile or consoled you when you were crying, but it does mean that it’s time to realize that there were real reasons you broke up. Whether he broke your heart and cheated on you or you just couldn’t handle his questionable hygiene, there were real reasons why it had to end.

Maybe you remember being the happiest you ever were with him, but there were times when you also probably felt pretty badly, too. You may not be able to see those instances clearly now but eventually, you will come to realize that wasting time remembering will bar you from moving forward. Neither overanalyzing that past nor dating every guy you meet out at a bar who tells you a quirky joke and buys you a cheap beer will make the past disappear.

Moving on is hard and it takes time. Idolizing an ex and defending his behavior will actually prevent you from finding someone who can surpass who he was in your life. Glorifying an ex is paralyzing, unhealthy and stupid. So the next time you think about the way he used to graze your hand sweetly, also try to remember that he was just reaching for the beer on the table next to you. It’s time to move on and realize what you loved about him, what you hated and most importantly, what you couldn’t get past. Ultimately, the checklist in your mind doesn’t matter; it’s not about his apparent perfection, it’s about how well you fit into each other’s lives. And obviously, it wasn’t a good fit.

So for now, rather than trying to get over him by dating other people, go out and discover what makes you happy and who makes you happy. Stick with these people until you can find someone who actually is a good fit for you.

Photo credit: We Heart It

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Elyssa Carr

Elyssa is a rare breed being one of the few graduate students to have a life outside of school. Moving from a Happy Valley to the Big Apple, Elyssa is a twentysomething attempting to navigate life and the dating world after college.

More In Ladies

Ladies Zoe Zorka

9 Ways Finding A Partner Is All About Having The Right Sales Pitch

I’ve never considered myself a salesperson. I have sold gym memberships, used cars, slushies, IT services, beer and more used cars. But, I’ve never truly enjoyed the sales aspect of my work. I was watching “Shark Tank” the other night and a contestant was trying to sell the sharks on her product, a dog food […]

Ladies Kateri Wozny

Better With Age: 10 Pros And Cons Of Dating An Older Man

George Clooney and his new wife, Amal Alamuddin, are the talk of the town. But, it’s not all good things, as there’s also talk about their “bizarre” age gap: him 53, her 36. In fact, a Boston Globe report went a step further to chart Clooney’s age difference history with previous girlfriends, the average being […]

Also On Elite

World

Germany Might Ban Work Emails After 6 PM And On Weekends

Checking emails after work hours is so bad for your psychological state that Germany is considering banning it altogether. Andrea Nahles, the country’s labor minister, has been reviewing the results of a study that examined the pressures of work life. As it turns out, the long hours and constant access to work aren’t good for […]

Food

23 Delicious Halloween Candies That Look Too Spooky To Eat (Photos)

Ah, Halloween! Candy, costumes and of course, more candy. Let’s face it, not much has changed about the festive holiday — and that’s a good thing! Remember waking up for elementary school, sliding into your legendary Halloween costume and having to sit in class all day long, just counting down the hours until you could […]

World

New Evidence Suggests That ISIS Has Moved On To Chemical Warfare

A Middle East watchdog has obtained photos suggesting that the Islamic State is using chemical weapons against Syrian Kurds. The pictures are of three victims attacked in the region of Kobani last July, HuffPost reports, one month after the group seized an Iraqi compound where Saddam Hussein used to make chemical weapons. The photos, obtained […]

World

Adorable Little Girl Wakes Up Dancing To Ed Sheeran’s ‘Don’t’ (Video)

Children’s music is horrendously painful to listen to, and my heart seriously goes out to any parent who’s forced to sit through hours of baby-voiced “musicians” singing about wheels on busses and crap like that. The thing is, it’s not even totally clear if babies enjoy that obnoxious children’s music; they hardly react. Baby Maisie, […]

Life

10 Incredibly Basic Halloween Costumes We Should All Avoid This Year

Halloween is coming, and we all know what to expect. Your Facebook feed is probably already chock-full of conversations on the holiday, like which variation of cat that girl from your sorority is going to be. You’ve also picked up on the fact that literally all men are going to throw robes on themselves, chew on fake […]