Response To NY Times Article: Sex on Campus – She Can Play That Game, Too
Earlier this week, the NY Times released an article entitled: Sex on Campus – She Can Play That Game, Too.
The goal of this piece was to explore the fact that women are actively engaging in casual sex out of their own free will. They are not conforming to pressures from men or anything of the sort. Putting their own motives first, these women are doing what they want, doing who they want, and are doing it when they want to. This study questioned over 60 women from the University of Pennsylvania, a highly reputable and prestigious university.
“Ask her why she hasn't had a relationship at Penn, and she won't complain about the death of courtship or men who won't commit. Instead, she'll talk about ‘cost-benefit’ analyses and the ‘low risk and low investment costs’ of hooking up.”
“I positioned myself in college in such a way that I can't have a meaningful romantic relationship, because I'm always busy and the people that I am interested in are always busy, too.”
Women are realizing that their careers and goals are the main focus in life. The days that a woman's purpose in life was to find the “perfect” counterpart as soon as possible are long gone. The cost-benefit analysis mentioned above epitomizes the rationalization behind these motives. Women have realized that in order to flourish in school and in their futures, they need to focus on things that will help them achieve these goals. They are putting romance in the backseat as they're choosing to settle down much later in life.
The reason for this? One woman stated, “[T]here are so many other things going on in my life that I find so important that I just, like, can't make time, and I don't want to make time.” Priorities have greatly shifted in this day and age and women are embracing it.
Over 60 women at Penn were interviewed about this subject matter with the belief that “they saw building their résumés, not finding boyfriends (never mind husbands), as their main job at Penn. They envisioned their 20s as a period of unencumbered striving, when they might work at a bank in Hong Kong one year, then go to business school, then move to a corporate job in New York. The idea of lugging a relationship through all those transitions was hard for many to imagine. Almost universally, the women said they did not plan to marry until their late 20s or early 30s.”
Many people falsely believe that this new hookup culture is one solely promoted by men when, in actuality, women are just as responsible.
One woman who was interviewed expressed a belief I can strongly agree with, “I don't want to go through those changes with you. I want you to have changed and become enough of your own person so that when you meet me, we can have a stable life and be very happy.” You need to be happy with yourself and who you are before you can even hope to find a counterpart. It is a big enough burden to work on ourselves, let alone help someone else develop into the person they will ultimately be.
This article seeks to explore the hookup culture that is ever-present in today's society. Gender roles are changing at exponential rates; our generation's mindset is completely different than any that have preceded us and women are at the forefront. College is a tricky time to involve yourself in deep and intimate relationships, as your future, as well as your partner, is uncertain.
Once you graduate, where do you go from there? If one of you lives in New York and the other lives in California, how long will you be able to stand the distance? Do the benefits really outweigh the costs? Is it easier to avoid this heartache altogether by simply avoiding a relationship in the first place? This is a personal decision and one that is more complex than it seems on the outside. This article provided deep insight into a small sample of women. Despite that, the information it contains is quite eye-opening.
This is a new age for women, as we are thinking in a way we never have before. The fact that women are more than okay with and sometimes actually prefer the “no strings attached relationship” is quite astonishing. There is an undeniable revolution occurring before our very eyes.
The time you spend in your 20s is crucial in developing who you are as a person and what you want out of life. This is a complex time where there is a challenge around every corner. In a previous article, I discussed the reasons why relationships in your 20s will fail. Women have realized this and are putting emotional commitments on the back burner while they divulge in the things that will better them personally. By engaging in “no strings attached” relationships, they are keeping themselves more focused on school and on the working world.
No longer are men the sole initiators of such relationships. Women have realized the benefits of such connections and are using them to their advantage. No one has time to focus completely on a career if they are obligated to someone else. They want their freedom and their fun and they want it on their own terms.
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