As some of you may know, I recently embarked on a f*ckboy spring cleaning. I got rid of all the men that had been bringing me down for the past couple of years. It was hard, but getting rid of them left me a ton of space and time to work on myself. Who knew cutting out the f*ckboy fat would give me this much personal freedom?
Once I ended things with my f*ck buddy, it freed up this whole block of time that we used to spend together. He’d come over on weekends, and we’d lie around together f*cking and watching movies.What was I going to do with that time now? I realized I had a ton of energy that was just kind of stewing with nowhere to go.
So this past Sunday, when I found myself sitting in my apartment staring at the wall because I had no plans, I took a good, hard look at how I spend my time outside the office.
I knew I wanted to really do something for myself — something I could stand back, look at and be proud of — but I didn’t know what that should be.
I could throw myself into an art project, but I already create things for a living, so that felt like overkill. Maybe I could redesign my apartment? That would cost money I don’t have.
What about working out? I already work out, but what if I pushed myself to do more, to truly dedicate myself to getting in shape? If I threw myself into exercising, I could both look my best and feel my best at a time when I’m questioning my self-worth more than ever.
Plus I’d be putting that energy toward something I could actually see and results I could actually measure.
Yes, embarking on my new workout plan was largely about feeling good. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also trying to look hotter and shove it in my old partners’ faces a little.
I began working on my “revenge body.”
I had this slightly-shameful-but-can’t-help-it desire for my f*ck buddy, my ex, and pretty much any guy who’s ever ghosted me or told me I’m not “girlfriend material” (that’s a lot of guys) to see my social media pages and feel like a fool because I look that glorious.
The revenge body is a real thing. Kourtney Kardashian has been looking fine as hell lately, and though she's always been a wellness freak, she definitely used her breakup with Scott Disick as an incentive to look (and feel) even better. I guess you can say I'm trying to be more like Kourt K; she is my favorite Kardashian, after all.
For the past week, I've been throwing myself into working out, and so far, I feel pretty damn good. In fact, I recently signed up for a 5K because I've always despised running, and I figured there's no better time to face my fear head-on than during this major transitional phase of my life. Yes, it’s going to be hard, but it’s also going to be worth it.
I’m not just looking to cut body fat — I also want to “trim the fat” by getting rid of negative vibes, friends with questionable intentions and my own emotional spirals.
I'm not going to let myself be that girl who sits around eating Ben and Jerry's half-baked while f*cking crying through “The Notebook.” I'm going to keep taking care of myself — hell, I'm going to take care of myself more than I ever have — and be the best me I can possibly be.
When all is said and done, I want to be able to make a statement. One that says: “I refuse to let breakups destroy me.”
I'm treating working out as cultivating a skill, or picking up a new hobby, just as I would if I were learning to knit or something. I’m going to lift heaver weights, buy new clothes and run faster. I’m going to surprise myself with just strong I can be, both mentally and physically, and look good all the while. Setting goals and achieving them is going to be my new thing, not fixing broken men. It’s a change I think I can get used to.
It's not about getting skinny. It's about feeling confident. It's about feeling comfortable enough in my skin to walk out my front door, lipstick on fleek and muscles glistening in the sun, feeling like the baddest bitch in the whole damn world. It’s about self-care.
I’ve always had issues embracing my body for what it is, and I’m hoping this time to myself will get me closer to wiping out those soul-draining insecurities.
OK, maybe there’s also a small part of me that wants to look even hotter for the next guy that comes into my life. I want that guy to meet bangin’ Sheena, not defeated Sheena. A breakup doesn’t warrant weakness. It warrants the most ultimate strength.
And maybe another small part of me just wants to channel Kourtney Kardashian because she’s flawless AF. Seriously, have you seen her lately? Scott is crawling back to her like the sorry scumbag he is, and that’s what I want all my former men to be doing. I won’t indulge their returns, but it’s the principle of the matter. C’mon now.
World, wish me luck on my journey to become my best self.
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