10 Reasons Why You Should Never Date A Tall Girl

10 Reasons Why You Should Never Date A Tall Girl
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Everyone is on the prowl for that tall damsel who is the center of attention everywhere she goes. No matter what venue or vacation spot, others cannot help but stare at the tall beauty by your side. You are literally the man — and everyone wants to be like you. However they do not truly understand the struggles of dating a tall woman.

When you have the tallest chick in the area, it is obviously an attention grabber, but dating a tall woman can be quite the burden. Now I’m not talking about your average ‘tall’ woman, when I say tall, I mean a woman who is 6’1”plus…without heels. Now that’s tall!

Here are the 10 reasons why you shouldn’t date a tall girl.

Because you’re the little spoon.


No man wants to cuddle with a beast. We all love to hold that girl between our arms after some good sex, but it’s kind of hard when your girl is twice the size of you. No matter what magic trick you pulled off to have sex with this tall woman, there is no way that cuddling with her is fun or enjoyable. Most of the time you’re just going to end up on the inside of the spoon.

Hand jobs from her are the most emasculating thing.


Monster hands are scary. Especially on a woman who is about to jerk you off. Once she puts her hands on your penis, it almost makes your johnson look nonexistent. Your penis looking like a mini egg roll in her palms can’t be good for anyone’s self esteem. It is almost frightening to have a big woman jerk you off — for fear that she may somehow break your penis.

6’5” in heels is never a good look for anyone.


You know she’s too tall when she can go out in just flats and still be taller than all the girls wearing heels. This is a no no. It’s not even fun buying her heels because you just feel like you are setting yourself up for disaster. It’s not cute when your girl wears heels and she looks tall enough to be center for the New York Knicks.

Because in every photo she has to bend down to your level.


Taking photos next to a tall girl isn’t fun. There will be plenty of occasions in your courtship where you will be required to take photos. Either you need to be on a higher platform or she needs to slouch down to get on your level. This leads to a lot of awkward photos. If in every photo she is slouching down and looking weird, then there is a problem — and the problem is that she is too damn tall.

Even flirting requires a step stool.


Okay, so you bought her a drink and now you want to actually spit some game. Well you should’ve reconsidered because whispering in her ear is impossible. Now you’re stuck trying to talk to her because you already spent money on the drink. Standing on your tippy toes all night long, trying to have a conversation, is not sexy. Now you’re out of luck. On top of that, it looks comical if every time she speaks to you, she has to hunch down to your level.

No one likes ass in their solar plexus while dancing.


After a few drinks and a few conversations, there always comes that time when you’re drunk enough to bust a move on the dance floor. However dancing with tall chicks is annoying. Instead of getting a good booty grind, you will spend much of the time getting acquainted with the back of her knees while her butt is rubbing up against your chest. At least you will get an A for effort, but in the long run that sh*t isn’t fun. Who wants to dance with a set of knees anyway?

When kissing her goodbye, there is a good chance you get collar bone.


You have been dancing with her for some time now and things are slowly starting to heat up. You must make your move. You know there are not platforms around you and she’s not going to just kneel down and kiss you. So with all your might you stretch to try and touch those sweet beautiful lips and all of a sudden you realize the highest you can get is her collar bone. Not so great. While you’re busy kissing her collar bone, she is making out with the top of your head. Nothing like a make out session with a tall girl.

Reaching her hair during doggy style is almost impossible.


If you can’t reach her hair and pull on it while giving her doggy, then there is an issue. If this occurs when you are having sex then you know that this girl is too tall for you. What can you do? We all like to get a little rachet when it comes to the bedroom and what woman doesn’t like to have her hair pulled? In a way it kind of defeats the whole purpose of doing it doggy. If she needs extensions just for her hair to be long enough for you to pull it during sex, then she’s too tall.

Because looking like a referee during missionary position is a no go.


On top of doggy problems, you’ll look like an NFL referee while in the missionary position. There is no reason your arms should be flailing in the air like a goal line referee as you try to secure her ankles and give her the business. Just know when to cut your losses. Finish up and try not to have this experience repeat.

You know what they say about women with big feet…massive vaginas.

Share Tweet

Eddie Cuffin

Eddie Cuffin likes to stir up controversy. He is the persona of a man who gets the people talking, with his cynical and satirical take on New York City and American culture.

More In Sex

Sex Paul Hudson

The Torture Of Loving A Person Who Doesn’t Love You Back

The first woman I ever fell in love with didn’t feel the same way about me. This wasn’t some sort of crush either. I really did fall in love and she really didn’t care for me that much. Sure, we would see each other pretty regularly. She was happy to see me, but not exactly […]

Sex Bridget Boland

Is It Time To Call It Quits? When To Know A Relationship Is Over

We are the generation twice removed from the Cleavers; the aftermath of the rise in divorce rates. We have seen all kinds of relationships modeled for us. In some ways, this transparency of what happens in other marriages is helpful, but it also creates uncertainties when trying to create our own. Being a member of Gen-Y can feel like you […]

Sex Paul Hudson

Why Being Loved Is Not The Same As Being Understood

Most people are looking for that one person whom they can love and who can love them – that one person who will be there for them, care for them and understand them. Being understood is often confused with being loved; the two aren’t the same. Most people assume that those whom they love, they […]

Sex Audrey Swanson

The 11 Things You Learn From Being The Only Single Friend

Maybe you’ve glanced around recently and found yourself as the only person in your friend group not frolicking into a new romantic venture. It’s like spring is the season of new boyfriends or something. Trust me, being the single friend is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It just means your […]

Also On Elite


Candy Crush Founding Trio Set To Make Up To $2.6 Billion Combined In Upcoming IPO

As Candy Crush maker King Digital Entertainment, Plc readies itself to debut on the New York Stock Exchange tomorrow, its three founders may have to go searching for pants with deeper pockets than usual, as each is to make hundreds of millions once their company becomes publicly traded. Up until now, much of the focus […]


This Photo Series Shows How Women Are Harming Themselves, All In The Name Of Beauty

Are you ready for some gruesome images? Very little (maybe the “Saw” movies?) has probably prepared you to view these photos, but the series, entitled “The Fanciful, Monstrous Feminine” by artist Jessica Ledwich, will make you both squirm in your seat and think about all the negative psychological impacts society’s beauty standards have on women. […]


Think Different: How To Get Into The Mindset Of An Entrepreneur

If you ask me, I think every person has an entrepreneur inside of him or her. It’s just about whether he or she chooses to bring it out and showcase it to the world. Thinking like an entrepreneur forces one to constantly think outside the box. When one draws outside the lines, the end result […]