The Rules Of Car Sex

The Rules Of Car Sex
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The accessible but fantastical automobile has to be on almost everyone’s bucket list of locations to get have sex.  Whether you own Ferrari 458 or Fiat, the allure of this sexual destination is ingrained in your mind from countless portrayals in the media. Although intercourse on an automobile is a lot less risky than sex on a moving airplane, a car has to be one of the most exciting places to have sex.

It’s hot, passionate, and extremely steamy; your heart races with excitement and the windows begin to resemble a gym sauna. The fact that you’re having sex while worrying about being interrupted by an authority figure makes the encounter that much edgier.

No one beyond the age of 21 should be a novice in the art of car sex; here are the ten tips you should know whether you’re a rookie or a veteran.

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  • 10. Stay Away From Leather Seats

    You thought rug burns were bad? You’ve simply endured an uncomfortable nuisance until you’ve experienced leather burn.   Revered as some of the worst painful burns one can fall victim to, they will meance you and your partner with burdensome pain for an extended amount of time.   If your only option available is leather seats, be sure to put a towel or blanket down. There is no such a thing as gentle lovemaking in a car; trust us.

  • 9. Have The Quickie Mentality

    The fact that you’ve avoided being caught in the act thus far does not mean you should become complacent and lackadaisical.   This act is always a high-risk venture; can you imagine the embarrassment? While you consider this a harmless sexual encounter, that prosecutor won’t be as understanding.   The fact remains that it is highly illegal, and there is nothing worse than getting caught with your pants down.   It is important to approach this act with the quickie mentality; stay focused. You're in an automobile, not a bed, so leave your clothes on when you get down to business.   Keep enough clothes on just in case someone does interrupt you. By taking this small precautionary measure provide yourself the clever retort that you were simply getting dressed with your lover.   If that doesn’t work, you could always play it off as simply making out. Nonetheless keep it quick, there truly is no time for foreplay and romantic gestures in the car.

  • 8. Keep It In The Backseat

    Space is limited in the two front seats of an automobile, that is why it is best to keep your misdeeds covert and in the back seats.   In the back you have plenty of room to switch positions with no worry of shifting gears or accidentally pressing any buttons.   If such an event does occur, then blue balls will be the last of your worries. Push the front two seats all the way up and go to work.

  • 7. Music

    The same rules for music in the bedroom apply to the car as well. Your lover will feel absolutely foolish getting it on to "Lollipop" by Lil Wayne.   Stick to slow and steady music like Trey Songz or Florence & The Machine.   Don't keep it too loud, as you don’t want to attract attention to yourself; a medium level is just right.

  • 6. Night time only

    You may be inclined to try to pull this stunt off during the day, but your safest bet is to do it at night in an area with very little traffic.   Be sure to turn all lights off and shut the engine down as well.   The windows will fog up instantly, but no one will be able to see what’s going on inside. The goal here is remain unnoticed by any passers by.

  • 5. Clean up right away

    This one is pretty self-explanatory and should be mandatory.   The last thing you want is to stain your seats with love juices that end up being irremovable, embarrassing reminders of the encounter..   After finishing this quickie, you should have wipes readily accessible to clean up the damage.

  • 4. Orgasm Carefully

    We know sometimes the pleasure is so intense that you lose control, but in this case it would be prudent to be careful.   The last thing you want is to smash one of your windows from spastically hitting the window too hard.   Even worse, you might put the car into drive or reverse. Keep it under control.

  • 3. Crack a window

    It seems even 3 minutes in the back seat can have your vehicle’s windows looking like an Equinox sauna.   It’s best to crack a window slightly open for ventilation to avoid the obvious sign of intensely foggy windows.

  • 2. Location, Location, Location.

    It is almost impossible to find a private place in a public area.   Don't try and pull this off in a frequently patrolled neighborhood unless you want to be arrested and have an audience.   The streets with very few streetlights or dead-ends are your target areas.   Parking lots are dangerous but if you really must then go for it just keep your head down.

  • 1. Have an alibi

    Before engaging in this act, it’s likely you have already quickly pondered all of the possible consequences for your actions and have decided the reward is worth the high risk.   However, there’s a high probability that you will get caught at least once. If you do get caught by an officer, be sure to have an excuse.   The best option is to claim you were not actually having sex. If you still have all of your clothes on, you could play this off as a PG-13 encounter with ease.

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Preston Waters

Preston Waters is a thinker. He's not your traditional philosophical persona, however, as he leaves no topic untouched. Covering all the bases, from business to women, Preston Waters is the ultimate man's man for Gen-Y.

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