This Alarm Clock Wakes You Up With An Orgasm, Making All Our Dreams Come True

"If you have a boyfriend, the best thing you can do is wake him up with a blow job," my 17-year-old babysitter lovingly advised me during one of our notorious "sex education" sessions (which really just consisted of 12-year-old me pushing her to give me the dirt on her sex life).

I didn't end up having many boyfriends, but I did end up having many girlfriends. And let me tell you, in my relationships, I'm the reigning queen of the morning orgasm. I live for the morning orgasm. The morning orgasm is the real breakfast of champions. Starting the day with such body-tingling bliss sets you up for a day of success.

But sometimes, I wake up girlfriend-less. And when I do, I wake up aggravated and in a rush, and I recklessly fall into the shower like a lifeless robot. (I'm a mere shell of myself without my orgasmic fuel, you know?)

However, I think I just found the answer for those cold mornings when we wake up oh-so-alone:

Okay, okay, this looks like a child's toy vacuum, but it's actually a vibrating alarm clock called the Little Rooster. That's right, babes: a vibrating ALARM CLOCK.

I promise it's not as big as it looks. It's made to fit perfectly inside your sexy, lace undies. You place the contraption in some snug undergarments, so the thin, long part sits pretty on your clit, while the alarm clock part rests on le pubic bone.

Apparently, the vibrations start slowly, and then quickly increase. It even has a snooze button, so you can have TWO morning orgasms.

It boasts 27 vibration levels, so you can select the appropriate amount of intensity to cater to your bod. It must be made by a woman, because men don't seem to realize that all girls' bodies work DIFFERENTLY. But that's neither here nor there.

OMG, I have so many questions! What if you just orgasm in your sleep and don't wake up? Is it even comfortable to sleep in? What if you just don't come, and you're frustrated all day?

I personally can't wait to get my hands on one. (You can pre-order your little morning glory here.) In a cruel, cold, lonely world, it's empowering to NOT have to rely on another person for your morning orgasm, don't you think?