Why Cuddling Is Way More Dangerous Than Sex

I recently started “seeing” this girl. And by that I mean f*cking her on a regular basis. It’s been fun and very, very dirty- what sex ought to be. But what I came to realize is that I enjoy hanging with this girl as much as I do because when we are done doing the deed, we can just lay about without feeling awkward or even occasionally cuddle.

Cuddling is a great thing- if and only if both parties are all for it. Sometimes there is nothing better than wrapping your arms and legs around each other after several hours of mounting, remounting, spanking, scratching, biting, and screaming- especially if you’ve been rolling for the past 6 hours. On the other hand, cuddling can also be the most awkward thing in the world if it is done one-sided.

If a cuddle is initiated prematurely, the other party is forced into a difficult situation. How can you tell a girl that you don’t want her sticky, sweaty body clung up against yours politely? ‘Hey babe… Yeah, the thing that you just did with your jaw was impressive- and I’m very grateful- but could you get off of me? You smell awful.’ I have a feeling that won’t go over so well.

Sometimes, you just don’t want to cuddle out of principal. Cuddling has somehow become a sacred act between two people; an act that symbolizes the emotions they share, giving meaning to their relationship- symbolizing the very thing that sex once symbolized a long, long time ago. Being able to comfortably cuddle with another person lets them know that they are more to you than just a really nice piece of ass.

When did cuddling come to symbolize the recognition of another’s existence? The same day that sex became about as meaningful as a firm handshake.

While I can’t exactly pinpoint the date when sex transitioned from an act of love to amateur pornography, I am pretty sure that it happened during our lifetime- most likely around the time we realized that Whitehouse.com featured women on all fours and not the declaration of independence in PDF form.

Nowadays sex is an extracurricular activity. Instead of bouncing the ball around the court, we bounce our balls against her backside. Instead of looking through the Boy Scouts’ Book Of Knots we look through all the different ways to tangle ourselves together through the Kama Sutra.

Because of the regularity that we sleep with different people, for some being more regular than others, an act like cuddling holds a lot more emotional expression than does the missionary position.

Whether this is good or awful is up for debate. But the fact of the matter is, if I had a girlfriend, I would be more worried about her wanting to cuddle with a guy than wanting to sleep with him.

Don’t get me wrong; if she does either, she’ll have to walk. But while wanting to sleep with other people is only natural, if your girl wants to cuddle with that new male friend of hers, however, then you have a real problem on your hands.

All of this brings me to realize that I am most likely getting myself into a bit of trouble. Sleeping with my “friend” is a whole lot of fun, and cuddling on the occasion is comforting and pleasant. While currently I don’t believe the embraces are being misread, they are bound to be confused with having more emotional meaning than they actually do, sooner or later.

But finding a girl that can suck a watermelon through a straw is very rare. So f*ck it. I’ll deal with the shit storm when it hits. Until then, I’m gonna get it in.

Paul Hudson | Elite.

For more from Paul, follow him on Twitter @MrPaulHudson.