The Death Of Titles In Relationships
We live in a fascinating day and age. Western society has greatly developed and transformed entirely from what it once used to be. The mindset of people living today is on an entirely different wavelength than that of a person living back in the 1700s.
Take our concept of sexual intercourse for example- or the interaction of males and females in general. While I am sure that kinky people could have been found at any point in history, I don’t believe that any generation before us has been quite as sexually open and accepting as we are- except maybe those alive and living in Cali during the time of the Beatles; but let’s be honest, hippies don’t count as people.
Sleeping with three different people simultaneously? Must be having a good month. Into bondage? Fetishes? Being spanked and called Daddy? Smash your sister’s best friend? And her roommate? All completely acceptable in today’s world. And amen to that. I could not imagine living in a place and time when I’m not allowed to be having sex on my 6-floor walk-up rooftop.
I mean yes, technically I am not allowed to be doing that now- not legally anyway. But at the same time, I am allowed to do it and would not be frowned upon. Even better is that whichever lady I happen to be sharing the skyline with won’t be the least bit shocked or frightened when I bend her over the side of my building. To her it will be completely acceptable and enjoyable; just another Sunday afternoon.
Such sexual open-mindedness does come with a price: the fear of commitment. We have tasted the sweet fruit of promiscuity and it tastes oh so good. We enjoy meeting new people, talking to them, getting to know their world a bit and, of course, finding out what needs to be pushed in order to make their knees quiver.
I for one believe this to be great. This sort of open-mind-open-zipper approach to life will undoubtedly lead to a fuller understanding of the world and life itself- and depending how open, possibly a mild case of herpes. No Glove, No Love- words to live by.
Here is where things get a bit tricky; while Generation-Y is generally afraid to commit, we nevertheless would like to commit. We enjoy the idea of commitment. So, we commit partially. No idea of what I’m talking about? How many of you are seeing somebody? You know, hanging out with, sleeping with, chatting with, weekly.
How many of you are most likely going to have sex tonight with someone that you have been having sex with for at least a month and, luck being on your side, will continue to have sex with for the nearest foreseeable future? Probably a large percentage of you. Now, how many of you can say confidently that you are in a relationship? And the hands go right back down.
The funny thing is that many of you most likely wouldn’t mind being in a “committed” relationship- at least for a couple of months before it is time to move on. But neither you, nor the person you’re exploring, has the balls to call it what it is.
Oh, we are only having sex 5 times a week, go out to eat together, sleep over each other’s apartments, go to the movies together, and cuddle regularly. I see… so if you’re saying that that’s not a relationship, then you two must be a girl and her gay best friend- minus the sex part, although maybe people like to experiment? I digress. The fact of the matter is that you and your partner know that what you have is something; you just don’t want to label it, give it or each other a title.
And that is fine- for a few months. Eventually, however, one of you will want to know what is going on between you two. This is when the fun starts. It becomes a game of who will crack first- and no one wants to be first just in case the person you have been spending so much time with will get freaked by the conversation and run for the hills. So things start to get uncomfortable.
One of you starts to hint that you want to discuss your arrangement; the other pretends that they don’t pick up on it. Then the other starts to hint that it may be time to have “the talk”, but you aren’t sure if you are reading the signals correctly and therefore don’t bring up the topic… Welcome to hell.
This constant state of uncertainty that you have created for yourselves will leave you stressed and frustrated. Now the tension starts to build and it is only a matter of time before the seams start to give. The conversation that could have been had civilly is now bound to take a nastier form.
You are most certainly going to be having a somewhat heated and uncomfortable conversation with the person that you have unofficially been seeing for the last few months- whatever unofficially means; lacking the stamp of authenticity?
After the conversation there are several possible outcomes. One, you can decide that you should man and woman up, and make yourselves “official”. In that case, congrats- welcome to adulthood.
Two, you can keep things open and make it known that you are okay with, and planning to see, other people on the side. In that case, welcome to pimpdom.
Three, you just argued for a couple of hours and ended up exactly where you started with neither of you knowing exactly what is going on and neither of you changing your Facebook marital status from “single”- back to hell you go.
Or Four, you come to realize that you are not comfortable with your partner sleeping around while seeing you, but are not able to commit to them for whatever reason, so you go your separate ways.
The talk is inevitable and giving each other a title, though avoided to the maximum by Generation-Yers, can only be delayed for so long before it is time to either entitle or disperse. If you did decide to give each other the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, then I hope that you know what you have gotten yourself into and are capable of staying committed to the commitment.
Otherwise, you just made things much, much worse for yourself down the line. But, maybe you are what we all dream of becoming one day- a fully functioning adult. Maybe you found a person that is right for you and are willing to make things work. In that case, kudos to you. If after the talk you decided to go with option four however… well then cheer up- you’re single!
Paul Hudson | Elite.
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