Despite societal expectations of sexual conservatism amongst women, it is important to keep in mind that they desire sex as much as we do. Unfortunately, women do not experience orgasm as frequently or easily as men.
You may think you’re doing the job, but chances are you might be leaving your girl unsatisfied. Even worse, she’s probably discussing your problems with her friends instead of you.
Unsatisfied women are likely to turn to more “mechanical” alternatives when faced with a lackluster lover. Sex toys have increasingly become a very valuable asset for these women. Due to a lack of safe spaces for an open dialogue on female sexuality, some women seek advice from their peers at sex toy parties.
In a study in the International Journal of Research, researchers found that nearly 95 percent of women at sex toy parties sought sexual information from the party host. Results showed that women turned to these hosts for intimate, sexual advice (like how to enhance their pleasure, boost their libidos, and achieve orgasm).
Remember: Save the small talk for AFTER sex.
The study authors suggest that the parties provide a relaxed, nonjudgmental atmosphere for women to ask questions. And while the prospect of women talking about sex with each other is always welcome, shouldn’t you be a part of that conversation?
Jen Landa, M.D., Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women, says that in order to initiate a post-sex discussion with her, the key is to open up with a compliment about something she does that blows your mind. That way it’ll ease the awkwardness for when you pop the questions you want answered, explains Landa.
Try the technique before serving up these five burning sex questions:
What You Want to Know: Did she come?
How To Bring It Up: Tell her that it helps get you off when you see her orgasm, Landa says. That way, by letting her know you’ll do anything to see her climax—she’ll be more likely to be honest about telling you if she came.
What You Want to Know: Is she up for trying new positions?
How to Bring It Up: “Place the origin [of the ideas] onto something else,” says Landa. So if you’ve got a specific position in mind, tell her you had a dream last night about trying a hot new position. “By taking the direct pressure off of you, she may be more willing to try and recreate this fantasy,” says Landa.
What You Want to Know: Am I going too fast?
How to Ask It: Let her know how much you enjoy it when she’s on top and controlling the speed. If you tell her it’s sexy when she sets the tempo, it won’t be a surprise when you ask her about your thrusting techniques, says Landa.
What You Want to Know: Am I good at oral?
How to Bring It Up: The easiest way to talk about your below-the-belt technique is to bring up hers first. Say that you love the way she utilizes her tongue—and then ask her about what she likes. Once the topic is on the table, she’ll feel more comfortable giving suggestions, Landa says.