Easy Access Sex No More: Why Holding Out On Sex Can Sometimes Lead To Amazing Relationships

Easy Access Sex No More: Why Holding Out On Sex Can Sometimes Lead To Amazing Relationships
Sex
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

So you’ve been talking to him for couple weeks, you’ve had a few sleepovers, and he COULD have asked for sex, but he didn’t. Yeah, you fooled around, but you didn’t quite have sex. That makes him a good guy, right?

The “he could have tried but he didn’t” type? The “he waited patiently so he deserves it” type? So now you think, why not? He was so respectful and waited for it, so he should get it. He must not have talked to you for just that reason, right? Right? Then you give it up. Ahhh…

So now he’s the “he doesn’t have time for me,” “he doesn’t call me,” “only treats me like a booty call” type? Yeah, well, duh!

Sex nowadays has become so accessible. Most women sleep with a man and create this bond in their minds as an automatic reaction to the act of sex.

Most men, well, they do not. Women tell themselves that if a guy is patient enough and able to not ask for it the first few chances he had, then he must respect her physically. He must really be into her to hang out with her and not want to have sex.

Moreover, these women convince themselves that since he was so patient (for a few sleepovers and a couple weeks, for example), he now deserves it.

It’s a little known fact that most men meet a woman and think, “I want to have sex with her.” I mean, really, who wants to date someone they wouldn’t want to have sex with? Even virgins plan to have sex with their significant others at some point, so it’s on their minds, too.

But in all honesty, men don’t initially think, “I see myself dating her for a really long time, marrying her, having children and a home with a white picket fence.” They see sex. They figure out how they are going to get it, until they actually get it. Yeah, some stick around after. But some don’t. And this is why: easy access sex.

It’s been said time and time again, the age-old, “women need to have standards” speech. Sadly, I believe it’s true. Yes, we know we have the standards of what type of men we want to be with — what he needs to look like, his income, his car, his social life, etc.

We spend so much time talking about this, but where in our minds, in this day and age, are the standards for what a man has to do to get some nookie?

What ever happened to a man truly courting a woman? What about proving that you’re worth the connection that we, as emotionally invested females, sometimes (most times) innately connect to sexual encounters?

It blows my mind that we think, “he was nice to me, he texts me good morning, he calls me babe, he invites me over (at 2 am) to spend the night” means “I really like you and respect you and I deserve to be with you intimately.” We give it up too easily.

We do this because we are under the impression that it will satisfy the soul to have physical intimacy with someone we like. Of course, this entire article is a very general statement.

‘WE’ does not mean ALL women. I’m speaking vaguely, but a very large number of women (no fingers pointed) sleep with men in the very early stages of a relationship, after a man has done nothing to earn that privilege (and yes, it is a privilege) and then wonder why the man stops calling or stops bothering with them.

Like I said, men want sex. That’s evident. It’s human nature. Men are also hunters. They go after what they want. If they want sex, and you lead with sex, they will take it, and the hunt will be over. That much is apparent.

He didn’t have to take you out, wine and dine you, introduce you to his friends or family, or invest in you, but he got what he wanted. And you, well, didn’t. You probably saw a relationship budding, or at the very least thought you saw some form of long-term consistency.

So, ladies, here’s what I suggest. Set some standards. A man who has no patience to play the waiting game really isn’t interested in you; he’s interested in the sex.

If he can’t get it easily and anytime soon, he’s likely done if you don’t give him something more substantial to desire. A man interested in you, and interested in getting to know you, won’t mind the wait, and more specifically, he won’t mind the effort.

Effort doesn’t mean NOT doing anything, like NOT trying to have sex with you. Effort means actually DOING something, like taking you out, making you feel like a priority and showing you he respects you. That old-fashioned 90-day rule is probably looking like a good idea now, huh?

The idea is, by the time a man has invested time, money, effort and feelings into a woman, (that ‘hunt’ concept) and the woman is ready to sleep with him, that man will have already invested too much in her to just walk away after getting sex.

Now, HE will be equally invested in the relationship. I mean, this isn’t true for all men, as some still walk away because they’re douches, but most men, if they like/love you, will respect the waiting game (for a reasonable amount of time) and they will put in the effort. They will have already found more things besides sex that they now want to hunt for.

Wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.

Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Nadine Lamanna

With an Honours degree in Sociology from McMaster University, Nadine has always been passionate about exploring what makes people tick. While intertwining her passion for working with troubled youth with her love of the entertainment industry and media, Nadine has found comfort in sharing her thoughts through writing. Having written freelance for a few Toronto magazines, including Cream Dream Girls Magazine, as well as for her own personal entertainment blog, and various press releases and bios, Nadine has had the opportunity to interview celebrities, as well as share her personal insight and experiences with anyone willing to read. Delving into a variety of opportunities and facing life head on, Nadine will continue to use writing as her outlet. She hopes readers, even if just one, will relate.

More In Sex

Sex Dan Scotti

Cheater’s High: Why A Cheater Will Almost Always Cheat Again

As a rule of thumb, if a loved one is cheating, rarely will you “find out” about it the first time. I was told this piece of advice, some time back when I first heard a “rumor” that I was cheated on, and although I didn’t really feel like speculating –I  sat there, thinking to […]

Sex Dan Scotti

If It Was Good, You Would Know: 5 Things Men Need To Stop Saying In Bed

The bed is a magical, whimsical place. It’s a haven for passionate moments and, inevitably, passionate words. It’s also a place for sloppy drunk hookups and outrageous remarks. The latter is what we’ll focus on in this piece. For some reason, guys feel like they’re invincible after they have sex with a woman – and, […]

Sex Gillian Fuller

Mixxxer Is The Tinder For People Who Just Want To Have Sex ASAP

Since its inception, dating app Tinder gained a reputation for being about casual sex rather than real relationships. However, there’s a new app just for hooking up that those seeking casual sex can use instead. You can avoid any confusion and get straight to the point. The app, Mixxxer, makes it clear it is not a […]

Sex Cashie Rohaly

The Truth About Soul Mates Is That You Can Have More Than One

We have been taught by fairytales and Nicholas Sparks films to associate the term “soul mate” with one person we are destined to meet by the work of fate. From there, we fall madly in love and upkeep this romantic love forever. But, that is not what a true soul mate is. This mentality that […]

Also On Elite

World

Man Spends 17 Months Planning His Proposal, And The Results Are Perfect (Video)

When Tiffany flew out to California to visit her long-distance boyfriend of over three years, Levy, she thought she would be attending a military event for Levy’s father. She had no idea her boyfriend was planning the sweetest proposal ever. Levy had planned a day of activities for Tiffany, surprising her by flying out her […]

World

School Shooting Victim Survives By Playing Dead When Shot In The Face

One of the victims of the Marysville High School shooting survived by playing dead after being shot. Nate Hatch, 14, was in unbearable pain when 15-year-old shooter Jaylen Fryberg, his cousin and best friend, shot him in the jaw at their Washington school last Friday. Despite the chaos around him, he somehow managed to keep still […]

World

Mother Chains Young Son To Her Bike Because He Won’t Stop Running Away (Photos)

A struggling Chinese mother, frustrated with her son’s repeated attempts to run away from home, is under surveillance by social workers after using a metal chain to restrain her child. Li Teng, a 39-year-old resident of Zhuhai, China, received a call from her local police department. An officer had interrupted Li’s 9-year-old son, Shao, after he’d tried […]

Humor

Weatherman Loses Battle To Giant Dog On Live TV (Video)

Ripple the stray just wants to go for a walk, and his weatherman friend is not listening. During a newscast from Edmonton, Canada, weatherman Mike Sobel volunteered to showcase a stray dog from the local humane society. Unfortunately, he got Ripple. The enormous, brindled mutt is a little too eager to play, and hilarity ensues. […]

Motivation

Become A Professional At Life: The Small Things Matter The Most

Becoming a professional in your life means you will pay attention to the details because it’s the small things that produce big results. Being a professional, you know that how you do something is how you do everything, and nothing escapes this reality. Our habits bleed into every area of our lives, and our results […]