The Fool Proof Guide To Being Friends With Benefits
It has recently come to my attention that I am rather good at setting myself up with friends that come fully equipped with certain high-demand benefits. It doesn't require the amount of lying and deceit that many of you may think. In fact, there isn't any reason for you to have to lie at all; all that lying does is set you up with liability for when you and your friend decide to part ways.
I think that is what most people don't understand: relationships with friends-with-benefits aren't built to last — they are built to give you short-term enjoyment. If you're having trouble getting a good rotation going, there's nothing to worry about. I'm here to help.
The first thing that I have to emphasize is that my methods only work if you are a genuinely nice person. There's nothing easier to pick up on than fake niceness. If you are only being friendly to a woman so that you can get into her pants, she'll know it.
Unless, of course, she's one of those dumb broads that is too self-absorbed to realize that no one in their right mind would talk to them for the purpose of having an intelligent conversation. These self-dubbed princesses should be avoided at all costs simply because they are what God calls “oops.” But if you are a nice human being and actually have the intention of befriending a woman before you sleep with her, then you'll basically be fishing with dynamite.
The first step is, obviously, making a new friend. While there are countless ways of approaching a woman, what works best is whatever you're most comfortable with. Making new friends through friends of friends I find to be the easiest — you're being introduced as a friend and that is all that you are aiming for. If you happen to end up banging your new friend, so be it.
Strike up a conversation with some light flirtation, but nothing straightforward. As far as she is concerned, you are only interested in friendship. Going about things this way has two benefits: one, you have a much smaller chance of scaring her away; and two, if she has a high opinion of herself she'll spend the next few days wondering why that cute guy she met didn't make a move.
This would be a good point for me to warn you. Gaining friends with benefits does take some time and patience. It's not like your one-night-stand that only takes an hour and a handful of shots — you actually need to form a friendship with this person first. If you don't befriend then you won't reek the benefits of the benefits. Thankfully we now have social media, reinventing the term friendship to mean someone whose name appears on your computer screen from time to time.
While once we had to form meaningful bonds with our friends, now it's enough to keep up with their social network status updates. Social networking has brought the friends-with-benefits game to another level; you no longer need to meet with potential “regulars” in person — you just need to comment on a few of their posts and like a handful of their pictures.
Once you have formed this “friendship” you need to make sure you don't cross over into the “friends-only” zone. This is easily avoided by making sure she stays interested. For this, the truth once again comes in handy.
In my experience, letting a girl know that you are not looking for anything meaningful usually results in her admitting that she doesn't either — which is complete crap because women are always looking for something meaningful. But nevertheless, you're conscience is now wiped cleaned; you gave her fair warning that you are too busy to date because you have a lot on your plate and that you are only looking for a good fuck.
In addition, once you tell a woman that you aren't interested in dating her, it's as if a switch goes off in her head. She automatically starts to think that you only believe you wouldn't want to date her, but that that's only because you don't know her that well.
She starts to tell herself that if you knew her — really knew her — you'd most definitely fall in love with her. This is how most of us think. We all know that we are loveable and assume that every and any person would fall in love with us if given the opportunity. This is false, but it's neither here nor there so I won't go further into the topic.
Once you have her informed on your marital status preference, you'll need to leave the world of virtual bonding and hang out in person. Now remember, you are not trying to go out on a date because you are not trying to date. You want to hang out, show the girl a good time, make it clear that you find her attractive but aren't interested in anything more, and then get her liquored up to ease the dropping of her guard.
For this purpose group activities are your outings of choice. Invite the girl out to a dive bar with a couple of your friends. Play some pool, shoot some darts, down a couple of shots chased by a couple of cans of PBR — in other words, do what you would do any other night with your boys, just make sure to include her in the activities.
Once you get this far it's pretty difficult not to close. You can find some excuse to have her come over like: continuing the drinking at your place; watching one of your favorite movies that you feel she needs to watch; coming over to meet your pet dog, cat or turtle; to hit the bowl; or whatever other reason you can possibly come up with.
Show her your comic book collection if need be, just get her over to your apartment to “hang out.” If you feel like it may be too early to invite her over for a one on one, invite your whole group of friends over. You can keep the party going at your apartment for an hour or so and hope that once everyone starts to leave that you can convince her to stay. To be quite honest with you, if you have followed the steps all the way up to this point, it shouldn't be too difficult to get her pants to drop.
Being a genuinely nice person has its perks. Finding and establishing friend-with-benefits relationships becomes easy as pie for one simple reason: if you're honest with women then they will trust you. If they trust you, there's not much they wouldn't let you do to them. But don't take this trust for granted. Don't break the trust; there's no need.
The longer you continue to be honest, the longer the benefits relationship will last — not to mention, being honest and nice is the decent thing to do. Unfortunately, being honest also does means that this friend-with-benefits relationship will inevitably come to an end.
Thankfully, setting up several of these relationships simultaneously is not difficult, especially when you have Facebook at your disposal. If you set things up right you could be banging a handful of women every week without coming off as an asshole to any of them simply because you told them where you stand before you got into their panties.
I am sure that many of you are reading this and thinking that it couldn't possibly be this easy to get your hands on, or into, a friend-with-benefits relationship; but it is. Women want to fuck. Thankfully these days they are much more open about it too. If you come off as a nice, honest guy, that isn't there to feed them lies and false promises of a meaningful relationship, then as long as they find you physically attractive they will want to fuck you.
If you set things up right, you will find yourself having amazing, regular sex with nice, beautiful women without ever having to buy them dinner. It's as close to not paying for sex as you can get. Another beautiful thing about these friends-with-benefits relationships is that because they have fuzzy undefined borders, they tend to trickle off without ever having to sit down and having an uncomfortable conversation.
Although I do have to warn you: there is a rather high chance that either you are your new friend will develop feelings for the other. It's best not to mess with people's emotions. If you feel that she is starting to develop feelings for you, feelings that aren't mutual, then let things trickle away ASAP. There's no reason to break any hearts. Besides, finding another “special” friend is easy; just re-read this article if you forget how.
Paul Hudson | Elite.
For more from Paul, follow him on Twitter @MrPaulHudson