How Monopoly And B*tches Are More Alike Than You Think

How Monopoly And B*tches Are More Alike Than You Think
Sex
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Like many young whippersnappers, I grew up playing videogames and board games — my favorite of which was and remains, Monopoly. Monopoly is — which I am sure that most of you know — a game where you get to go around, collecting property and amassing a fortune. It is the epitome of the American Dream and if countries had national board games, Monopoly would be ours. Monopoly is more than just a game; it’s a teacher showing us the way the world works. Monopoly can be related to almost all aspects of life. Take women for example:

The Rail Roads: Guys who are into the railroads know what they are getting into. These girls seem to show up everywhere you go and there is little to no way of avoiding them entirely. They’re nothing special on their lonesome; however, rack up enough of them and you’ll find yourself amidst a complex railway of booty calls and one-night stands.

Utilities: The risky girls. You never quite know what you will be getting yourself into, but get her friend to come along and those two 5s turn into a magnificent 10. These types of women are only useful when they come in pairs — with a tag team partner. You wouldn’t hit one, but if you could hit two simultaneously, it should make for an interesting night.

tumblr_mmbn8fzofq1qizcl9o1_500

1st Block: The New Jersey of Monopoly. These properties are only picked up on the start when you are still hungry. You’ve been deprived for a while and find yourself starving…so you take what you can get. If given choice, you would never find yourself caught in (wink wink) this part of town.

2nd Block: Ms. Average. The guys who buy those orange and pinks don’t strive for much, but are content with just enough. These are the girls that aren’t anything to rave about, but nothing you can really complain about either. Those who settle for such property are “settling” in life. You know there is better real estate out there, but you also know that everyone else will be fighting for it and don’t have the drive to compete. Such relationships tend to last a while, but eventually die out from boredom.

3rd Block (Reds and Yellow): The great catches. These are the girls you really want; they’re beautiful, happy, intelligent, crazy enough (but not too crazy) and best of all: within reach! These are the girls that every man is after because they aren’t too high maintenance and are down to earth. These girls are adventurous, funny and jaw-droppingly gorgeous. If you happen to land one, then sell whatever other property you may have and build a hotel — you won’t and should not be leaving.

tumblr_lqo913Ejkk1qaa3hyo1_500

The Greens: These girls are just as good looking and smart as those on the earlier block, with one main difference: they require much more maintenance and a fatter wallet. These are the kinds of women that like to show off and like to be showed off. Be careful with these…they have a tendency of sending you directly to jail without passing go.

And the Purples: Boardwalk. The vanity buy — even though you know you will never make a decent return on investment, you just cant help yourself, let’s be honest, she is bat shit crazy, impossible to keep up with, even harder to afford. But who wouldn’t want to show off to their mates just how hot their Victoria’s Secret angel girlfriend is looking tonight? And then watch them whimper as they stay a night in your fabulous hotel at 2K a night?!

Keep in mind though, they have a tendency of making you go completely bankrupt and are too expensive to hold down along with other ventures.

Steve Thames | Elite. 

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Contributing Writer

Elite Daily is a medium for people tired of disingenuous content; we have sought to create a space where stimulating, applicable content can reach a like-minded audience.

More In Sex

Sex Lauren Martin

7 Stupid Reasons People Stay In Relationships When They’re Unhappy

We all know that one couple. Whether it’s your sister and her boyfriend, your best friend and his ball and chain or those two screaming people you call your parents, they’re that couple that’s just that miserable. They fight and talk behind each other’s backs and say they absolutely “hate” the people they’re so in love […]

Also On Elite

Envision

Beautiful Time-Lapse Video Shows A Girl’s Transformation From Birth To Death

Stonehouse created a unique, artistic version of a time-lapse video, showcasing the progression of a woman’s entire life, from birth to death. The format is similar to the increasingly popular form, in which a person takes a photo of his or herself every day for an extended period of time and melds the photos together into a […]

Dating

71 Reasons Why We’re All Still F*cking Single

Does it feel like you’ve been single forever? Feel like you’ve been alone so long that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a plus one? Are the last memories you have of consistent sex from high school, when your 17-year-old lover and his parents’ car was the closest you’d come to a real relationship? […]

Strategy

Generation Money-Less: 6 Ways 20-Somethings Can Prepare For Buying A Home

Will we ever be able to buy houses? Nope! Just kidding, we can, but it won’t be easy. This one’s for everyone out there who’s living the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle that will eventually give us all early-onset heart disease. After the housing crash in 2008, banks stopped giving loans, everyone defaulted and a lot of the suckers who […]

World

Hong Kong Protestors Figure Out Perfect Plan In Case Government Bans The Internet

An app called FireChat has just become a lifeline for protestors in Hong Kong. The free messaging app operates without an Internet connection or reception, using phone-to-phone “mesh networking” to connect smartphone users. For every person logged onto FireChat in a single area, the Bluetooth signal grows a little stronger. In Hong Kong, where citizens […]

World

Somehow Kim Jong-un Has Fractured Both Of His Ankles

Reports that Kim Jong-un is experiencing health problems have sparked rumors that the North Korean dictator is gravely ill or simply eating too much. But now it has been confirmed that Jong-un’s limp and lack of public appearances as of late are due to ankle surgery he underwent in the middle of September. According to […]