monoply

How Monopoly And B*tches Are More Alike Than You Think

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Like many young whippersnappers, I grew up playing videogames and board games — my favorite of which was and remains, Monopoly. Monopoly is — which I am sure that most of you know — a game where you get to go around, collecting property and amassing a fortune. It is the epitome of the American Dream and if countries had national board games, Monopoly would be ours. Monopoly is more than just a game; it’s a teacher showing us the way the world works. Monopoly can be related to almost all aspects of life. Take women for example:

The Rail Roads: Guys who are into the railroads know what they are getting into. These girls seem to show up everywhere you go and there is little to no way of avoiding them entirely. They’re nothing special on their lonesome; however, rack up enough of them and you’ll find yourself amidst a complex railway of booty calls and one-night stands.

Utilities: The risky girls. You never quite know what you will be getting yourself into, but get her friend to come along and those two 5s turn into a magnificent 10. These types of women are only useful when they come in pairs — with a tag team partner. You wouldn’t hit one, but if you could hit two simultaneously, it should make for an interesting night.

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1st Block: The New Jersey of Monopoly. These properties are only picked up on the start when you are still hungry. You’ve been deprived for a while and find yourself starving…so you take what you can get. If given choice, you would never find yourself caught in (wink wink) this part of town.

2nd Block: Ms. Average. The guys who buy those orange and pinks don’t strive for much, but are content with just enough. These are the girls that aren’t anything to rave about, but nothing you can really complain about either. Those who settle for such property are “settling” in life. You know there is better real estate out there, but you also know that everyone else will be fighting for it and don’t have the drive to compete. Such relationships tend to last a while, but eventually die out from boredom.

3rd Block (Reds and Yellow): The great catches. These are the girls you really want; they’re beautiful, happy, intelligent, crazy enough (but not too crazy) and best of all: within reach! These are the girls that every man is after because they aren’t too high maintenance and are down to earth. These girls are adventurous, funny and jaw-droppingly gorgeous. If you happen to land one, then sell whatever other property you may have and build a hotel — you won’t and should not be leaving.

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The Greens: These girls are just as good looking and smart as those on the earlier block, with one main difference: they require much more maintenance and a fatter wallet. These are the kinds of women that like to show off and like to be showed off. Be careful with these…they have a tendency of sending you directly to jail without passing go.

And the Purples: Boardwalk. The vanity buy — even though you know you will never make a decent return on investment, you just cant help yourself, let’s be honest, she is bat shit crazy, impossible to keep up with, even harder to afford. But who wouldn’t want to show off to their mates just how hot their Victoria’s Secret angel girlfriend is looking tonight? And then watch them whimper as they stay a night in your fabulous hotel at 2K a night?!

Keep in mind though, they have a tendency of making you go completely bankrupt and are too expensive to hold down along with other ventures.

Steve Thames | Elite. 

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