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How To Tell If You're Actually Having An Orgasm

Think of this scenario: You're having sex with your boyfriend (or lover, one night stand, younger slam piece… you do you), and you're having a great time. It feels great, too.

Then, after his undeniable climax, as evidenced by grunts and heavy breathing, he falls onto the pillow, blissed out. Because he is a generous lover, he turns to you with stars in his eyes and asks, “Did you finish too?”

If you're one of the lucky women for whom the Hollywood depictions of orgasms are reality, maybe this isn't even a question. Maybe he already knows that you came because your genuine yelps of ecstasy have generated more than one noise complaint in the past.

Also, if that's so, I am very jealous of you.

How Men And Women Orgasm Differently

If things didn't last as long as you would've liked, or if you are a very normal human woman who requires more clitoral stimulation than your partner was able to give you, maybe the answer is a big fat “no.”

You could also genuinely have no goddamn idea. How can one tell if they're actually having an orgasm?

While orgasms are both very delightful and very confusing, Elite Daily consulted some experts for some telltale signs that yes, you are in fact having an orgasm.

Congratulations! Well, let's hope so, at least.

Is it that hard to tell if you're having an orgasm?

Orgasms are not as black and white as movies and pop culture would have us believe. Even if you've had an orgasm before, alone or with a partner, you might wonder whether that was a warm tingle or the real deal.

“If you aren't sure, that doesn't mean that you aren't having an orgasm,” says licensed counselor and certified sex therapist, Sarah Watson. “Orgasms generally don't look like what the media portrays them to be. Remember everyone is different. Learn your body, explore your vulva and your individual sensations.”

The female orgasm is like a mystical unicorn that actually exists. It's elusive, and it has the potential to come in many forms. For one woman, climaxing might mean a total surrender and loss of control, while for another, it could mean something much more subtle.

If you're still questioning whether you've had a case of the chills or an actual big O, don't worry. It's just because we don't discuss the nuances of the female orgasm enough.

Psychotherapist LeslieBeth Wish, Ed.D, author of “Smart Relationships” and founder of www.lovevictory.com, believes that “when in doubt, read about female orgasmic response to learn about the wide range of reactions”.

Basically, if you are not sure if you're coming or not, it can be helpful to read up on it… kind of like you're doing now.


How can I help my body get to the point of orgasm?

The female orgasm is often longer and can be more intense than the male orgasm, if less reliable. Climaxing is not going to be some earth-shattering event every single time, but when you know, you know.

Sexologist, relationship expert, and author of “Single But Dating,” Dr. Nikki Goldstein, says,

I remember the first time I had an orgasm. For years prior, I was thinking I had experienced an orgasm but when I did, I realized I hadn't been for years. If you are thinking you have not, then chances are you probably haven't.

In other words, you'll feel it. There will be a climax and release, either small or large.

Just trust yourself, girl. You shouldn't feel pressured to orgasm every time.

If you're honest with yourself and your partner about climaxing, then you can start to learn more about what it takes for your body to actually get there.


What are physical signs of orgasming that one should look for?

Not all female orgasms are created equally.

Some women react to particular physical stimulation, while others desire a sense of mutual respect and love in addition to the actual sensations.

“Physical signs of orgasm for women generally include some type of heightened tension and a release,” says Watson. These areas of involuntary muscle tightening are often in the jaw and face, as well as the toes.

Heavy or “ragged” breathing is another sign that your body is approaching orgasm, and it calms down after climax. You'll usually know if you've had an orgasm after it has happened. The release in the body will usually make you feel warm and relaxed, with Dr. Wish referring to it as “a sense of floating.”

She also went on to say that sometimes, orgasms can be so intense that you might lose your sense of reality for a moment.

According to Dr. Wish, “If your eyes have been shut, when you open them, you [may be] surprised where you are!”

Talk about goals, right ladies?

If none of this sounds familiar to you, don't worry. There are many ways to work towards a spectacular orgasm.

Take baby steps as you figure out what's best for you. You can try experimenting with a sex toy on your own, or switch to a new position with a partner.

“Sometimes, learning about your body takes time,” says Dr. Wish. “It takes time for your partner to learn as well! Tell yourself that there is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. And, don't dismiss the importance of feeling satisfied. Mutually satisfying sex is part of the “emotional glue” in relationships.”

Whether you're having window-shattering orgasms or not, just stick to what feels good. As with anything else in life, have confidence and use patience as you figure out what's best for your body.

I'm sure the rewards will be pleasurable.

Do Girls Actually Have Wet Dreams?

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Kimmy Foskett

Staff Writer

Writer. Producer. Champion of margaritas. Making you LOL at www.chixproductions.com.
Writer. Producer. Champion of margaritas. Making you LOL at www.chixproductions.com.

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