How To Make Sure You Get Laid During The Holidays

How To Make Sure You Get Laid During The Holidays
Sex
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

It’s that time of year again. The tinsel-decked department stores are playing Christmas music, Starbucks has brought out the peppermint mocha’s and holiday cups and girls are pulling out their uggs and changing from peacoats to puffy down jackets.

For single men and women all around the world, the mistletoe situation of New Year’s Eve and the holiday season is becoming quite a priority. Who are you going to kiss when the clock strikes twelve? Who are you going to force to come to the tree with you in Rockefeller Center? You are in luck, because everyone’s desire to fill this void makes getting laid during the holiday season ten times easier.

The first reason it’s so easy to get laid this time of the year is because most people are overjoyed during the holiday season. Happy people have sex with other happy people, simple as that. Having good company when you’re already in a great mood just ups the cheer and good vibes.

The grinches on the other hand, hate those cheery, pink cheeked, love struck people and typically will take advantage of them. The happy go lucky folk just want to show the grinches of the holiday season what holiday spirit is all about, which usually starts with too much egg nog and ends in waking up next to a still angry non-believer in Christmas cheer.

Another reason is the inevitable feeling of being lonely. All of the already formed couples can be together and rejoice in their couple-y activities that are of a high number during the holiday season. Girls, especially the ones who claim to not care about New Year’s Eve, covet that kiss when the ball drops and dream of that moment looking up at the tree with a boyfriend.

They think sleeping with a random guy on a regular basis will inevitably bring them these moments, and for some it will. Most of you, though, will be having all those moments by yourself with the walk of shame only reminding why you dread this time of the season each year.

The third reason is you just have some ho-ho-ho’s who just always want sex and in the winter they really need it to keep warm. You can’t blame them because they usually all band together during the holiday season to make sure everybody is getting some at the time they need it most. Did someone say orgy under the mistletoe?

If you’re currently single, what I’m trying to say is put yourself out there. Everyone is looking for the same thing around the holidays, and it’s someone to be with, even just to curb their insecurity for three days so they don’t so feel so alienated at the time when being single seems most painful.

Hook your prey by sleeping with them a few times now before the time comes. It might be a bit stressful but it will definitely save you a lot of misery that could potentially make the happiest time of the year the worst few days of your life.

Sara DiMaggio | Elite.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Contributing Writer

Elite Daily is a medium for people tired of disingenuous content; we have sought to create a space where stimulating, applicable content can reach a like-minded audience.

More In Sex

Sex Paul Hudson

12 Things We Can All Start Doing To Get Rid Of The Hook-Up Culture

I was once the frontrunner of the hook-up culture our generation has created. OK, I may be exaggerating a bit, but when you stop counting how many people you’ve slept with – or lose count – it’s probably a sign that you’re stuck in the pointless cycle that is our hook-up culture. Sure, sex is […]

Sex Dan Scotti

Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Why So Many Men Are Admitting To Faking Orgasms

I, personally, have never faked an orgasm while in between the sheets. The way I see it, engaging in intercourse and not finishing lacks as much motivation as smoking “a certain substance” without inhaling (cough, Bill Clinton, ahem). But, hey – just because I haven’t done something certainly doesn’t mean it’s never been done before. […]

Also On Elite

Film

Gone But Not Forgotten: The 17 Fictional Deaths We Will Never Get Over

Disclaimer: Spoilers Galore. Death is f*cking bullsh*t. Sure, it gives life its value and meaning and everything, but screw that. Life is great and the reality that it has to end one day is total garbage. The saddest part of it all is that it’s final, eternal, forever. Once someone is gone, they ain’t coming […]

Life

Men Are Basic B*tches Too: 10 Dead Giveaways That You’re A Basic Bro

Over the past few months, dubbing some young lady a “basic bitch” became the “It-Girl” of unoriginal disses. Although there’s no regimented protocol for what exactly constitutes “being basic,” I think I’ve grasped the concept, somewhat, over time. As a rule of thumb, basic things suck. A serving or two of vegetables with dinner is […]

Sports

LeBron Isn’t The Only Homecoming King: Could Kevin Durant Be A Wizard In 2016?

Three weeks ago, LeBron James announced his decision to return to the Cleveland Cavaliers, but the excitement of the news has already worn off. Now, the basketball world is contemplating Durant’s next move when he becomes a free agent two years from now. LeBron James has set the mold for anticipated homecomings, which makes Kevin Durant’s […]